Are You Being Taken for Granted in Your Relationship?
By: Zoe Samuel
About This Quiz
Love is something we all aspire to find, but true love isn't the only thing a relationship needs. Once one partner starts assuming that the other one will always be with them and put up with their crap no matter how they behave, that relationship is on the road to ruin. Sure, it may stagger along for many years after that point of no return, but it's a zombie love that isn't really fulfilling for either partner. However, even loving couples can find it easy to fall into such a pattern, and it's certainly possible to come out of it when it occurs - if the will is there and the baseline of respect is maintained.
A truly loving relationship is one between equals, who know how lucky they are to have their boo in their life and make an effort to show it. They might have times of illness or employment trouble where they need to lean harder on their partner, but they don't just take for granted that they have the right to such things. Instead, they say, "Thank you" and do whatever is in their power to prove that they really do intend to always put the "significant" in "significant other." So tell us about how your boo is with you, and we'll see whether they're taking advantage, or whether you've really struck relationship gold!
How often does your partner thank you?
How often do they say they love you?
I don't remember the last time.
If you were to come home late unexpectedly, what would they do?
Prepare dinner and clean up.
They would have already texted to ask if I wanted them to make dinner.
Be a bit pouty that we had to eat late.
Do you ever feel kind of invisible to them?
If they're going to be late home, do they tell you?
Yes, they then make it up to me by spoiling me.
They text me and check in so I know what's what and can plan.
If they had a friend you didn't like, could you tell them?
They already got rid of all of them.
They know which ones I don't like and don't make me see them.
They know but I still have to see those friends.
Have they ever changed a habit for you?
One or two, like being tidier, eating healthier, or only watching TV in the evenings.
Only if I badger them constantly.
Have you ever changed their mind about something?
They agree with me on everything, it is really uncanny.
One or two, which goes both ways.
Once but I think they were just humoring me.
Do they make plans for special occasions?
They make plans for all the occasions - it's like having a secretary.
If it involves them, like their birthday.
If you want them to perform a small task like tidy the kitchen or take out the trash, how many times do you have to ask?
There would be no point; ten times wouldn't make them do it.
Have they ever told you that you are: overreacting, hysterical, shrill, unreasonable, or being ridiculous?
Once, but they were sorry.
Yes, often, and they're obviously right - if I'd just accept their version of events I'd be much happier.
If you ask nicely twice, they say they'll do it, they don't do it, and then you sound a little short on the third ask, how do they react?
I never had to ask that many times.
They can be slightly annoyed because they are human, but they get that it's on them for not doing what they promised, so they do it graciously.
They get upset and then grudgingly do the thing.
They use my being slightly short to justify not doing the thing now, which is on me for being unreasonable.
Do they ever do things like clean or tidy the house without you having to ask?
Yes, it's like living in a hotel.
They do the tasks we agreed were their job, and occasionally extra ones.
No, I always have to ask, but they always do it.
I have to ask, and sometimes they do it.
Do they ever reach out during the day just to say something nice to you?
Most days - just something little like a text saying hi.
Yes, some days they send me cute messages.
Once in a while they do a big gesture like flowers.
Have they ever picked you up from the airport?
Can you tell them your deepest fear?
Yes, but I am careful not to bombard them.
Yes, but I would be afraid they might laugh.
Can you just sit quietly and be chilled out around them without worrying at all?
Totally - and sometimes tea or coffee or a nice snack magically appears by my elbow when I do.
Yes, absolutely, and if one of us gets up to make a cup of coffee then we offer the other one automatically.
Mostly, but sometimes I am a little worried I might be annoying them.
Do they ever talk about future plans you haven't actually agreed on, like kids or moving someplace?
Not without acknowledging that these things are not agreed yet.
No, they never talk about any plans more than a few months out.
Do they expect you to spend more time with their friends or family than they do with yours?
We see the ones who are closest more often.
We see theirs more often.
We don't really see each other's friends and family at all.
If they wanted to have friends over to your place, how would you know about it?
They would ask permission in advance.
They would let me know and if I had a reason to object, I would; otherwise, I'd either plan to be home and co-host, or clear out for the evening, as appropriate.
They'd text me it was happening.
I'd come home and find them there.
Do you ever have meals that only one of you likes?
Yes, they make my favorite.
Sometimes: it goes back and forth.
Yes, I make their favorite.
If you have kids or a dog, who does most of the caring for them?
Our kids would starve if I did not do everything.
Which of you handles most of the greasing life's wheels, like sending cards and thank you notes, or organizing repairs to your house?
We discuss it and whoever is less busy does more in that period of time.
Usually more to me, but they do some, especially if I ask.
We agreed early on that I would do all such things.
Do they ever hold any grudges against you?
Never, they forgive me before they actually should.
Yes, but only in that human way people cannot help.
Yes, they bring up all my past mistakes.
Do they know your prescriptions?
Of course, they collect them for me.
Do they ever offer to pick up something for you on the way home?
Yes, and sometimes they just get something anyway.
Yes, like a treat or the dry cleaning or some such.
Once in a blue moon, sure.
I can't remember them ever doing that.
Do you see a long term future with them?
I see absolutely no other future.
I see it as the most likely future.
I see it is quite likely.
Do your friends and family approve?
They think my boo is a little clingy but otherwise, yes.
They are absolutely ecstatic.
They are OK with it - they know it's not their decision.
I think they would prefer I see someone else.
If you have a success like getting a raise, how does your partner react?
They do a jig and then tell everyone.
They do a jig and hug me, then offer to organize a way to celebrate.
They try to be nice but they might be a little jealous.
If you're just feeling blah, but haven't mustered the wherewithal to say something, what are the odds that they would notice anyway?
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