Are You Financially Ready to Have Children?

By: Mark Philip Lichtenstein
Estimated Completion Time
7 min
Are You Financially Ready to Have Children?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

You think babies are cute, and you're not wrong. However, babies are an expensive headache if you aren't ready to have them. No one is ever fully psychologically ready to have kids, but are you financially ready? Find out with this quiz!
When you get a $2,000 bonus, what do you do with it?
Spend it on a trip to Cancun!
Spend it on a new computer!
Invest all of it.
I'll fix the major things around my house that are falling apart and invest the rest.

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How much of your paycheck do you spend on rent or your mortgage?
More than half
Half
About a third
Less than a third

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You've spotted a fancy toy on Amazon that you feel like you'd like to have. What do you do?
Buy it! It's Amazon. It's like spending Monopoly money.
If I know what I'll use it for.
Only if I have money budgeted for such flagrant purchases.
Not unless buying it won't significantly deplete my budget for silly purchases.

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You've had your phone for six months. A new one comes out. What do you do?
Ooh! I'm all over that.
If there's a major new feature, yes.
If my phone breaks, then I might.
Lordy, no.

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You go to dinner with friends. How do you drink?
I have what I like.
I have what I like, but I keep to the cheaper stuff.
I try to keep it under control. I don't want to drink myself into penury.
I drink diet ginger ale.

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Do you have a bank account?
I use a check cashing place.
I had to so I could use Venmo.
Yes. I know my banker by name.
I have a few, just in case.

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Do you have a savings account?
No.
Yes, but nothing's in there.
Yes. I keep a little cash in there just in case.
Yes, among other investments.

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Do you own any T-bills?
What is a T-bill?
Isn't that an old-timey thing?
Sometimes, but I always forget to cash them in.
Yes, among other investments.

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Are you invested in a mutual fund?
No.
It helped pay for college, but no, not anymore.
No, I just have a savings account.
Yes, among other investments.

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Are you invested in an index fund?
What's an index fund?
No. I don't think they grow well, right?
I have one savings fund and it's more aggressive.
Yes, among others.

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Are Beenie Babies a sound investment?
I think they were. I remember something about a couple who bought thousands of them.
Some are, aren't they?
That doesn't sound legit to me.
God no.

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Are comic books a sound investment?
Sure! I still have my X-Force #1!
Some are worth a lot of money. Yeah.
Didn't Nick Cage lose his life savings buying those things?
No. Terrible idea.

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Is a car a sound investment?
If it's really in demand, like a Chevy SS.
If it's rare, like a Ferrari F430.
Generally, no.
If you can afford the investment, then you'd be better off putting your millions in an index fund. It's a better bet.

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How much of your paycheck do you save?
Are you kidding? I can barely pay the minimum fee on my credit cards.
I live paycheck to paycheck.
I sock a hundred or so away each month.
I have a 401K and I put some into a fund.

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Do you go shopping for groceries when you are hungry?
Yeah. My schedule forces me to.
Yeah. Hunger reminds me to go shopping.
No, I order online, so it arrives a few days later.
No. I order everything the same day each week, so hunger doesn't enter into it.

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Do you shop to make yourself feel better?
Only if I've had a bad day with my significant other.
Only if I had a bad day at work.
I do, but my tastes in these areas are not extravagant.
No.

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Do you ever compare prices while in the store, by using the internet, or a price comparison app?
Is that even a thing?
I kinda know what the competition has.
All the time!
For things worth shopping around for, I know what the prices are. Also, comparing prices apples to apples doesn't necessarily take into account taxes or shipping.

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Is art a good investment?
It is if it's an original Frank Miller! At least I'm told this is an original Frank Miller.
It is, but I don't know anything about it.
Depends on the artist.
Unless the art is already worth something, then no.

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How do you buy furniture?
Cardboard boxes. I live on, dine on, and sleep on cardboard boxes.
Ikea FTW baby!
I'm a West Elm addict.
I buy very solidly built furniture that's meant to last. Even if it is expensive, a $1,000 chair that lasts ten years is better than ten $100 chairs that last a year each.

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How often do you replace your computer?
When the new one comes out.
When my one starts to look grubby.
When there's a major upgrade.
When mine is at death's door.

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You have a perfectly good keyboard. A fancy new mechanical one with lights comes out. Do you buy it?
Awesome! Yes!
Is it a Das Keyboard? If so, yes.
No. The advantages aren't good enough.
If I'm seriously in danger of RSI then I'd get it. If there's no medical reason, then no. It's silly.

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Your friend is crowdfunding for his trip across Europe. Do you contribute?
Sure! He's my friend!
Sure, if I can go with him!
No. I have better things to spend my money on.
No, and that idiot is no longer my friend.

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There is a buy-one-get-one-half-off sale. You only need one, but the second one is half price. How many do you buy?
I buy two, because I can put the other one on eBay if I don't need it.
I might buy both, depending on what it is. If it's toilet paper, then yes. If it's a Fabergé egg, then no.
No, it's a discipline thing, I think.
I came to buy one thing. I'm buying one thing.

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Do you buy toothpaste in bulk?
No! Are you a lunatic?
No. I just go to the Duane Reade and see what's on sale.
I buy three packs. Does that count?
Of course I do.

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Do you have medical insurance?
No. I pay the penalty. And I never go to the doctor.
No. I pay the penalty, and I pay full retail at the doctor.
Yes. I'm on the exchanges.
Yes. I get the best insurance I can, because a health problem can ruin your finances for life.

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Assuming you owned a car, do you, or would you have more than just collision insurance?
No. I'd own a crappy car anyway.
No. It's not really worth it if I'm careful.
Obviously I would. A car is a big investment.
Obviously I would. Not having insurance stresses you out, which makes you less good at thinking about other things, which makes you less effective generally.

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Which is worth more: money or experiences?
Drinking with friends is always worth the money.
Money, obviously.
It rather depends on the experience.
Experiences, obviously.

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Do you know what college costs?
Why would I? I didn't even go myself.
No idea. My parents took care of everything for me.
It depends on the college.
It depends. Are we talking Ivy League or community college?

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Which is cheaper: feeding them cheap junk food so they'll shut up and leave you alone, or feeding them more expensive but nutritious food, so they'll develop properly, be clever, and earn degrees?
I'll get the junk food because I need them to leave me alone so I can relax for 10 damn seconds when my boss isn't yelling at me to "flip the burgers faster!" Besides, I have an employee discount.
I love junk food, so if I'm going to have it, it's just as well my kids do.
Well, I try to eat healthy food, so it's cheaper to just feed my kids the same thing rather than have to buy a whole second lot of food.
Obviously the latter. I don't need some 22- year old stoner living in his childhood bedroom. I want my home-office back!

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Do you keep your money in a clip separate from your wallet?
No. I keep my cash with my credit cards, so I know where everything is.
No! A money clip costs money. That's like wrapping your money in money.
Of course. That way, if someone picks my pocket, I either still have my cash or still have my wallet and I'm not totally screwed.
Of course. That way, if I don't have enough cash, I'm forced to think twice before buying something.

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