Image: Unsplash by Alex Iby
About This Quiz
Buckle up kids, because it's time to go on a journey. No, we're not driving to Disneyland — or Disney World. Instead, we're going on the darkest journey possible, namely: deciding where you fall on the emo-goth spectrum.
Don't get spooked, little ponies — this is weird territory, but if you're brave, you'll be able to safely emerge from the other side of this quiz. If your love of both Sisters of Mercy AND 36 Crazyfists has been making you feel as conflicted as a dog with two tails, this quiz can bring you the healing clarity you need. On the other hand, if you're sure that you're goth or emo (but not that sure), this quiz will affirm your identity, giving you the confidence necessary to scream from the hilltops that you "feel things almost too deeply, man" or "are more comfortable with the romance of death than most sheeple."
Even basics can benefit from this quiz! If you've always suspected that an eerie seapunk or angry death metalhead lurks beneath your oversized pink sweatshirt, we can help you find your alt truth. Are you ready to dance with danger (or in a mosh pit?) Then take a deep breath and plunge into this quiz!
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Look down. What color clothes are you wearing?
Black, red, neon, blue ...
White, black and silver
All black, my dude
A mix of colors (but mostly millennial pink!)
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Denny's at 3 a.m.: hot or not?
Not
Tepid
Hot
So freezing cold, I've got douche chills.
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Which comic book character do you identify with the most?
Wolverine
Blade
The Crow
Emma Frost
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Have you ever, or are you currently, glitching out with a seapunk?
Those certainly are ... words, but what do they mean?
I have in the past.🧜♂️🌊🐚
I plan to on Thursday.
... Lol, what???
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What's your footwear of choice?
Converse
Docs
Custom leather boots
Birks, baby!
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On a scale of 1 to 10, how conflicted are you?
6. I'm somewhat conflicted, but mostly, I'm sad.
9. Sometimes I don't know who I am or what I want!
3. I don't like life, but I've accepted that life is pain.
1. I mean, why would I feel conflicted?
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What's your favorite horror movie?
"Child's Play"
"The Guest"
"Nosferatu"
"Shaun of the Dead"
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How do you react when people mock your clothes?
I try to hide the pain, but it does hurt me.
I feel mildly anxious, but it's nothing I can't handle.
I'm unfazed. Sorry for not being boring!
OMG, how mortifying! Whenever that happens to me, I go home and change immediately.
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When life's obvious stupidity makes you feel like you can't go on, which band soothes your tattered soul?
At the Drive-In
Fugazi
Bauhaus
Adele's band! I don't know their names, but I love her and her studio musicians!
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Would you rather get dumped or spend the night in a graveyard?
Get dumped
Spend the night in a graveyard
Both have their charms.
Ew! I don't want either of those things to happen!
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Do you even know what post-hardcore is?
Of course! My favorite band is The Getaway Plan.
Yep. I like a few bands, like ... And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead.
I do, but I don't care for it.
I don't know, but don't judge me unless you're Judy!👩⚖️
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Your great aunt dies and leaves you her dilapidated Victorian house. You feel ...
Overwhelmed. I cannot afford to fix this pile.
Intrigued. I don't know if I can fix this old house, but the idea of owning my own home is exciting.
Thrilled! This is my dream come true.
Vaguely pleased. Hopefully my broker will be able to sell it quickly.
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Be honest: Do you have bangs?
I have major bangs and I'm not ashamed of them!
I have long bangs that I'm growing out.
Ugh, bangs? I don't think so.
I have the CUTEST curly bangs. They're totally like Natasha Lyonne's in "Russian Doll"!
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When's the last time you sculpted yourself a Faraday Cage?
When's the last time I made a crazy electricity cage? Um, never.
I've never sculpted a Faraday Cage, but I am vaguely interested in blacksmithing.
Last week, my dude
Why sculpt Faraday Cages when you can sculpt your own body, via CrossFit?
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Screamo: Yea or nay?
Yea. Also yay!!!
Yes, on occasion
No thanks!
What's screamo?
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Have you ever, or are you currently, spending 45 minutes perfecting your eyeliner?
I prefer messy eyeliner. Takes me about five minutes.
Only if I'm going to a show
Yeah. I call it "my morning make-up routine."
Yes, for prom
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When you want to read hilarious jokes about depression, what's your go-to Twitter account?
Condescending Wonka (@OhWonka)
So Sad Today (@SoSadToday)
Goth Mrs. Frizzle (@spookperson)
I really enjoy Chrissy Teigen's Twitter presence.
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Have you ever been called "cheerful" or "resilient"?
Haha, no.
I think my mom calls me "resilient" behind my back.
"Resilient"? Yes. "Cheerful?" Never!
I get called both all the time. I guess I'm kind of a role model?
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Do you identify as a highly sensitive person?
Yes, yes, yes!
I'm high-strung. Is that the same thing?
I'm sensitive to aesthetics, but I'm confident and not easily overwhelmed.
No, and I hate highly sensitive people. Lighten up, you nerds!
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What's your opinion of famous coffee giant Starbucks?
I hate Starbucks! (But I'll go there if I'm in a strange city.)
Starbucks is killing independent coffeehouses so I consider them to be the devil.
I've never willingly gone there.
I'm not ashamed to say it: I adore PSLs!
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Have you ever fantasized about attacking your enemies with a zeppelin?
No. What?
I haven't, but that's a cool idea.
Of course I fantasize about that, you fool!
I don't have any enemies, so ...
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Sorry to ask, but have you ever been called a crybaby?
Yes, many times
Once or twice
Never
Yes, but it was in kindergarten.
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Your celebrity role model is ...
Pete Wentz
Ian Curtis
Evan Rachel Wood
Reese Witherspoon
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Do you have an animal familiar?
No
Does my cat count? We don't actually do magic together.
Obviously, I have a snake.
I love my corgi Sprinkles!
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A very attractive surfer asks you out. You say ...
"Maaaaybe. Meet me in that diner on the edge of town."
"Sorry, but my cred would never recover."
"Get away from me, sun-worshipper!"
"Where and when, babe?"
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In your opinion, why are your mom's friends scared of you?
Because they're posers and they know it
Because they're, like, totally conformist
Because they can't handle my dark sensuality
Because ... actually, my mom's friends and I get along really well!😻
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You get overwhelmed when ...
... I breathe.
... I observe the chaos of the world.
... I go to too many industrial raves in a row.
... I have a lot of coffee!
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A well-meaning friend gives you a glittery pink scarf for your birthday. What do you do with it?
Dye it hot pink
Dye it black
Throw it away
Wear it with pride!
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Would you rather date a werewolf or a vampire?
A werewolf
A vampire
A warlock, actually
How about a cute jock or jockette?
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Flower Films
The movie that's totally about your life is ...
"Donnie Darko"
"Ghost World"
"The City of Lost Children"
"Mean Girls"
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You Got: