Be the President for a Day and We'll Tell You Which State You Belong In

By: Zoe Samuel

7 Min Quiz

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

The President of The United States isn't just the most powerful job in the world, it is also the toughest. US Presidents have held the tiller of state during crises that could have ended in a nuclear conflagration, economic devastation, pandemic, and heaven knows what else that was kept from the public.

Presidents visibly age in high speed right before our eyes. Their friendships and family relationships strain as they face decisions with far-reaching implications, and when their terms are up, we expect them to keep quiet about their successors, no matter what happens.

On the other hand, Presidents get to have a lot of fun. Nixon had a ball in the White House bowling alley. JFK basked in the celebrity attached to the office. FDR even had a special car and special train built to hide his disability from the world, so he could be treated like any other US President.

One can imagine George Bush cruising the Nevada desert in a spaceship from Area 51, or Donald Trump shutting down a small airport so he could fly to his favorite nearby golf course, or George Washington having a special grove of cherry trees grown outside of the capital so he could periodically take out his rage on a childhood enemy.

Put yourself in the shoes of the President. You're about to learn something about yourself and what state you belong in when you spend a day as the most powerful man or woman in the world!

What time do you wake up?

5:30 a.m., to get a jump on the news.

8:00 a.m., but I'll have my staff in earlier to get things rolling for me.
9:00 a.m. I need my rest.

3:00 a.m., so I can go for my workout first thing.

What do you want the White House kitchen to make for your breakfast?

Yogurt with high fiber cereal mixed in, and a big cup of coffee.

Egg white omelette with cheese, bacon, ham, and black pudding. Green tea.
Grillades and grits, with orange juice and whole milk.

A stack of pancakes with blueberries.

What do you do before you head to the Oval?

Read the first section of The Times, The Telegraph, and my morning security briefing.

Tweet.
Confirm my off-the-books meetings for the day.

Go for a walk around the perimeter of the property to give the public a thrill.

Your first meeting of the day is with your cabinet. What do you tell them to prioritize for the day?

Finding the resources to buttress our cyber security.

Lobbying Congress to loosen regulations.
Getting my friend Dana a job.

Looking into the economics of pardoning all non-violent criminals.

Your VP is supposed to attend a funeral for a foreign leader whose final act was badmouthing you. Any special orders for your VP?

Give a stirring eulogy that frames our relationship as reconciled.

Bring flowers he was allergic to.
Stand next to his political rival and talk about the rival to the press as though he's the natural successor.

Reconcile with the leader's widow, and try to bring all sides together.

An Eagle Scout comes to have his picture taken with you. What life advice do you give to him?

Work hard, go to an Ivy League school, make rich friends, and one day, you might make partner.

Do whatever you like, rely only on yourself, and trust no one.
Make powerful friends. That's all.

Never forget the lessons you learned in the scouts. Honesty, integrity, and hard work are values that can't be taken from you.

You're being petitioned to pardon a criminal who was convicted of a murder he didn't commit, though he has a long history of crimes. Do you pardon him?

I'll commute his sentence to life, and put a note in the calendar to pardon him fully on my last week in office.

Of course not! He's a criminal!
That depends. What's in it for me?

I'll ask the governor of the state in question to commute to life, and if he doesn't, I will pardon him.

You've got a few minutes before making a public appearance for a candidate in your party. What do you do with the time?

Have my staff brief me on any news of the day that could be embarrassing not to know during my speech.

Tell the candidate to begin his speech by backing my agenda or I'm out.
Ask the candidate about how that no-show job for my spouse is going.

Read up on the opinions of the candidate's opponent so I can speak to the fears of the other party.

How do you handle the public speech for your party's candidate?

Try not to say anything that would rub the audience the wrong way, and be blandly positive.

Tear up the speech and improvise.
Be exactly as supportive as the candidate is of me.

Stick to soaring rhetoric, and don't get bogged down by policy.

On your ride back to the White House, you are informed that there are rumors of upheaval in North Korea. Do you have any orders?

Reach out to our intelligence partners in Asia for confirmation and analysis.

I'll tell them to keep an eye on this.
Tell them that if confirmed, I'd like to talk directly to whoever is in charge. Let's work something out.

Put our military on high alert.

You've got a free hour! What do you do with it?

Gosh! I'm so stressed out. I guess I'll play some ping pong! That always helps!

I think I can sneak a quick tipple. It worked for Nixon, and Grant.
Call my business partner and arrange some speaking engagements for mid-six-figures.

Talk to the experts in my administration about the nature of all our failed policies in North Korea.

As you walk into a fundraiser lunch, you are informed that the rumor has been confirmed, and an unpredictable North Korean hard-liner has seized power. What do you do?

Have the State Department get to work on establishing a line of communication so there aren't any misunderstandings.

Go on Twitter and call this person a loser.
Squeeze the Asian nations under threat for more favorable trading terms in exchange for confronting this problem.

Ask the experts what they think, and what hasn't yet been tried in this situation.

When you get to the White House, the Secretary of Defense and the Joint Chiefs of Staff are waiting. What are your orders?

The State Dept. runs point, with the military ready to go on a hair trigger. There is to be no conventional attack unless authorized by the Joint Chiefs.

Send a squadron of F-35s to buzz the dictator's palace. Then order them to stand down.
Find out who the new dictator owes, and buy up his markers if possible.

Hold firm and do not attack unless ordered. It's a waiting game now.

A bridge has collapsed in Washington State. What do you do with regard to the press?

Put out a statement through my Press Secretary. I'm dealing with North Korea! I can't possibly be expected to deal with this too!

Go on TV and talk about it like it's the worst tragedy ever faced by us, and pretend like North Korea isn't happening.
Talk pay for play with the governor up there.

Go on TV and try to put the nation at ease on all these issues by talking optimistically but seriously about it. Channel my inner Reagan.

There's a hurricane headed toward Florida and Puerto Rico. It's a class 2, but is expected to strike as a class 4 or 5. What action do you take?

What? Are you kidding me? Fine. Fine. Send the Coast Guard and the East Coast's non-nuclear Navy to help out.

Send help to Florida first, because there's more intact infrastructure there to protect. Send help to PR to save lives, but instead of saving infrastructure, propose a bill that would pay for a total overhaul. Like in Iraq!
Go all in helping PR and Florida. There are voters in them there hills.

Send federal aid to PR first, since it's going to be harder to get in there because it's an Island. By the time we're established there, the Florida National Guard will arrive in Miami.

The Congress has just passed a bill that would require all US citizens to present a US Passport in order to vote. Do you sign it into law?

No, it's idiotic. Next!

What? But I don't have a passport! I only travel around the good old US of A!
No, but I'll equivocate on the nature of the ID required rather than the idea of a voter ID itself, to placate both sides.

Yep. Great idea. Only elite world travelers should be allowed to vote. That's some blue sky thinking.

As you walk to Marine 1 to fly to your next event, a reporter asks you how much a gallon of milk costs. What's your answer?

About $3.50.

About $5.00.
About $1.00, right?

It's $2.00. I'm sure of it.

You get a call from the dean of admissions of the college your child has applied to. They clearly want you to do some kind of favor in order for your child to get in. What do you do?

Offer to give a talk.

Tell them that I bow to no one and hang up.
Offer to do what he or she is asking, provided that my kid not only gets in, but graduates with a 4.0 GPA.

Tell the dean that I would hope that the educators of our nation's children should be held to a higher standard. And I'll speak at the graduation this year.

You're visiting a GM auto plant, and they offer you a spin in one of their new cars. What do you do?

Take the new CT6-V for a spin.

Put a Camaro on a straight and see how fast it'll go, Secret Service be damned.
Take a ride in an Escalade.

Try out the Suburban.

The White House Kitchen wants to know what you have in mind for dinner. What'll it be?

I'm gonna need steak and wine. Two bottles.

Tapas.
Fried chicken. I've had a rough day so far.

Grilled chicken and steamed veggies. I'm on a new diet where I only eat foods that start with consonants.

The hurricane made landfall, and it's a category 5. The governors have declared a state of emergency. What do you do?

Send in FEMA, and give them full access to the national guard and Space Command satellite imagery of the region to help with logistics. Speak to the nation, with the governors if possible.

Tell the governors to ask for things, and I'll send them. Otherwise, nothing. Tell the Press Secretary to say the usual stuff while I'm busy with other stuff.
Go on TV and make a speech. Wring favors from the politicians who ask for help.

Put it in the hands of FEMA, put out a statement over the White House website, and tell my speech writers to work on something for later.

It's time for you to have a pickup game with some other politicians. What will you play?

Baseball.

Horse.
Football.

We will run!

As you get out of the shower after the game, you hear that the new North Korean leader is massing his forces at the DMZ. What's your first act?

Have my people pressure China to get North Korea to back down.

Put all military forces in an aggressive stance.
Get the leader of South Korea to pay up for the help I'm about to give.

Tell all US forces to hold, and not appear to be any more aggressive than usual.

The Secretary General of the UN calls you on the hotline. The UN is planning to vote on a resolution and they want you to back off. What do you say back?

Tell him that the time for votes was before this crisis. Tell him that I'm not eager to have a war, but if there is an attack, I'll have no choice but to respond.

I'll hang up.
I'll laugh, and ask him how much the UN is willing to do for the USA if we promise not to attack unless provoked.

Tell him we're in agreement, then do whatever the situation calls for later, and apologize if it comes to that.

A report surfaces in the press that American troops near the DMZ are being picked off by a sniper. Your people can't confirm this. What do you do?

Tell everyone to hold their fire and not overreact.

Order my guys to start retaliatory strikes.
Tell the USAF to take out the dictator's childhood home with a daisy cutter.

Have our soldiers retreat a mile from the DMZ, leaving the gates open and see if the other side advances.

North Korea has launched what is either a supersonic aircraft or an ICBM, but it's impossible to tell yet. It's headed toward the Sea of Japan. What are your orders?

Shoot it down! How did we not know this thing was coming?

Tell STRATCOM to shower North Korea with enough nukes to light the country up like South Korea at night.
Get our people to launch a Nike Missile at it or something when it gets within range of the US. Call the Japanese PM to apologize if it hits him.

Evacuate major population centers in its path, but do not retaliate or attempt to shoot it down.

You got lucky. North Korea sent a nuke, but it sputtered out over the Sea of Japan and fell harmlessly into the water. China has massed artillery at its border with North Korea. Word is there may be dissent in the North Korean ranks. What do you do?

Have our back channel negotiators try to exploit the fracture so the new dictator doesn't have full access to his national arsenal.

Tell China to back off, because this one is mine!
Ask China what it wants in return for us letting them handle this.

Appeal directly to the North Korean dictator, asking what he thinks he can accomplish by attacking everyone.

The North Korean army has opened fire on South Korean military emplacements south of the DMZ, and the North is shelling the minefields of the DMZ to clear a path for tanks. What are your orders?

Send F-22s to get the high ground, and then order A-10s and F-35s to give close air support to our troops, who will reinforce the South Koreans.

Nuke 'em.
This North Korean dictator must want something! What does he want? I'll give it to him!

Pull out completely, but leave our Trident submarines and aircraft carries in place if the invasion goes any further.

Your military brass warns you that the North will soon launch more ICBMs at the US, Japan, China, and possibly even Europe, an act that could result in global thermonuclear war. What are your orders?

Get our anti-ICBM systems up and running, launch all our interceptors, and tell the nation to prepare for the worst.

Launch. All. The. Nukes.
Why can't China just deal with this? Why do I have to do everything? What did I do to deserve this?

Launch one ICBM from the mainland USA so the North thinks they have a half hour or so, and then immediately launch from the Trident subs we keep around the peninsula.

You have 45 minutes before the nukes land and the world as we know it comes to an end. How do you spend your time?

Speak to the nation and the world. Tell them that those who survive should endeavor to be better than the rest of us. Then get drunk.

Get drunk.
Pray with my family, in the White House bunker. Then get drunk.

Get to a secure location, like NORAD or STRATCOM. Then get drunk.

5 Minute Quiz 5 Min

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