Build Your Dream Football Team and We’ll Guess How British You Are

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
3 min
Build Your Dream Football Team and We’ll Guess How British You Are
Image: Wiki Commons by Дмитрий Садовников

About This Quiz

Football may be the most popular sport in the world, but that doesn't mean that footballing culture is constant throughout the globe. Different nations have different approaches to the beautiful game. In hotter climes, it's more common for players to break quickly for goal but otherwise play a more defensive game. In cooler nations, such as the United Kingdom, attempting to run up the score by constant strikes on goal is a more popular proposition. From the food that is eaten in the stadium to the type of fan attracted, every nation's footballing culture is a microcosm.

This means that the way a person visualises their dream team tells us a lot about them. If you're picturing a league of rather underpaid gentlemen sipping tea while taking summers off to represent England, Scotland or Wales in the World Cup, then you're probably rather more British than if you're throwing about hundreds of millions of pounds to acquire the top talent from around the world, creating the Premiership's most technologically advanced stadium (we see you, Tottenham Hotspur), and focussing all your energy on racking up the silverware, particularly the European Championship.

Tell us about your dream team, and we'll see just how British you are!

1. trophy Which trophy is most important to you?
Premiership
FA Cup
World Cup
European Championship

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2. mascot What will be the team mascot?
A giant cup of tea
A bulldog
A unicorn
A serpent

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3. goalier If you could choose goalies from any time or place, who would you pick?
David Seaman
Iker Casillas
Oliver Kahn
Peter Schmeichel

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4. scoring Which is more important: scoring, or stopping the other side from scoring?
Scoring a lot
It depends on who we're up against.
I'm agnostic!
Defensive play works for me.

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5. stripes What colour strip will your team wear?
Blue and white
Red and blue
Green
Gold

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6. messi Which superstar will you bring in from overseas?
I will find and nurture a local one.
Lionel Messi
Cristiano Ronaldo
Neymar Jr.

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7. charity What charity will your team support?
Underprivileged local children
Helping veterans
Animal rights
We're a team, not a charity.

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8. map Where would you like to base your football team?
Anywhere northerly, including Scotland
Newcastle
Birmingham
London

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9. fans Who will own the club?
The fans!
A local family who has been here since 1802
Some random oligarch, probably
A corporation nobody has heard of, that also owns an MLB baseball team

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10. chant What activity will your fans do to show their support?
Fighting rival fans
Chanting
Throwing things
A special dance

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Gareth Southgate
Alex Ferguson
José Mourinho
Jürgen Klopp

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12. language Besides English, which language will get the highest priority for marketing materials?
French
Spanish
German
Chinese

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13. english Would you hire a player who can't speak any English (yet)?
No. How would they train with the team?
Yes, but only if there was time before the season starts, so they can pick some up.
Sure, they can just have a translator.
Yes. Talent knows no borders!

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14. where Where do you hope your scouts find a diamond in the rough?
Having a kickabout on a council estate
Anywhere works for me!
Our farm system, ideally
A poor area in some foreign city where other scouts may not have spotted them yet

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15. Landon Donovan Which football pundit do you hope to impress with your team?
Landon Donovan
Michael Bradley
Josef Martinez
Jozy Altidore

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16. burger What will be the signature snack at your stadium?
Finger sandwiches
Fish and chips
Pasta
Tiny burger

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17. jozy Which MLS player would you never go without?
Landon Donovan
Jozy Altidore
Josef Martinez
Zlatan Ibrahimović

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18. beckham Which La Liga player is your top must-have?
David Beckham
Steve McManaman
Diego Godin
Philippe Coutinho

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19. lazio From which Serie A team would you poach the most players?
I dislike all of Serie A!
Juventus
Lazio
Atalanta

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20. Marco Reus Who will you be sure to entice away from the Bundesliga?
Robert Lewandowski
Rouwen Hennings
Jadon Sancho
Marco Reus

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21. fun What sort of funny football moment do you hope happens to your team?
An on-target goal is derailed by hitting a pigeon.
A player suddenly comes out mid-game, and all the other players are very supportive and give him a hug.
A fight on the pitch!
Scandal in the stands as two couples seated together each discover the other one's other half is their sidepiece!

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22. fight What one behaviour will you never tolerate from players?
Cheating
Diving
Bigotry
Losing

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23. nickname By what nickname will your team be known?
Teacuppers
Them Oop North
Mighty Mates
The Lads

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24. John Charles Which Brit who played overseas would you be sure to bring home?
Gary Lineker
John Charles
Chris Waddle
Graeme Souness

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25. interview One of your players has given a mortifying interview. What happens next?
Ignore it!
Fire him
Discipline him
Media training

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26. timeoff A player wants time off to train for their national team. Can they have it?
If it's a British team, yes.
Only if we get compensated
Sure. We have a deep bench here.
No

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27 Alan Shearer Who is your must-have captain?
Sir Bobby Moore
David Beckham
Alan Shearer
John Terry

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28. pele Which European striker can you not live without?
Michael Owens
Pele, obviously
Ronaldo (the original one)
Ruud van Nistelrooy

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29. rooney Would you let Wayne Rooney onto your team?
Of course. He's a great player.
Probably. I'd need him.
No. He's boorish.
Maybe, unless I had better options!

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30. stadium What surprising feature would your stadium have?
Ye Olde Tea Shoppe
Museum of Football
Fine Italian restaurant
Hot dog stand

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You Got:

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