Can We Guess How Young You Feel?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
5 min
How do you feel about your personal prospects in the future?
Anything is possible!
I know what I want to do, and can do, but no one will let me.
I've chosen my path and I know how far I can stray from it and still make things happen.
I'm giving up on them.

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How important are your physical capabilities?
I love being able to roll with the punches.
I'll sacrifice it if I want, because I have a lot of good health to sacrifice on the altar of fun.
Important, but not as important as some other priorities.
As long as I have the basics covered, I'm happy with what I can do.

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How do you feel about your life's mistakes?
I didn't make any mistakes.
They are so humiliating!
I've learned a lot from them.
Mostly forgotten, and of little importance.

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How do you like to send quick messages to friends or family?
Texting
Over social media networks, since that's what my friends do
End to end encrypted apps
Whatever everyone else says I should use

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What hope is there for the environment?
We will find a way to fix it!
If we all give up everything fun, we can fix it.
With innovation, creativity and a little responsible action, we can solve it.
It's too late. Everything is done.

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How difficult do you find tasks that involve getting on your hands and knees?
It's so easy!
It's not hard at all.
I might need to stretch first.
There's no way I'm getting on hands and knees.

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How do you feel about your romantic partner?
I don't have one, but that's okay.
We're going to be together forever and nothing can stop that!
We make each other better in every way!
I'm grateful for every moment we have together.

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About which family members do you worry?
No one
My cousins
My parents
Everyone

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What academic area do you find difficult to fathom?
Math
English
Science, mostly
Computers

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At what time of day do you start to feel tired?
8 PM
Well after midnight
Around 10 PM
4 PM, shortly after I have dinner

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What music do you listen to?
Any and all!
Hip Hop
Classic rock
Jazz

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How are you with consumer technology?
I can figure it out if you give it to me for a while.
It's all pretty easy to master.
I can fathom most of it.
It's all a mystery to me.

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What kind of books do you like to read?
Folk tales
Philosophy
Novels
Biographies

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Where do you feel weariness?
I don't feel weariness! My eyes are just itchy, which is why... I'm... rubbing them...
My head
My feet
My back

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How much responsibility does it feel like you have at work?
None! And that's great!
It's all put on me. It's not fair!
Nothing I can't handle. I'm happy with it.
Not as much as I used to, which irks me.

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Who won't you give the time of day?
Babies
Anyone younger than me
Idiots
Jerks

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How much time do you spend worrying about your appearance?
None at all
Lots of time! I need to look right when I go out in public.
I don't spend too much time on that, because I've worked out a system.
I spend as little time on that as possible.

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How much do you depend on the goodwill of others for your well-being?
I'm completely dependent on that.
More than I'll admit
Nearly not at all
Only a bit

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Do you feel your parents understand you?
It's uncanny!
Not at all!
They do, more or less, but less than they used to.
They know me very well.

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How do you feel about the bulk of the work you do on a daily basis?
It's fun!
It's stupid.
It's not really necessary.
It has zero meaning.

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How many people are there who you know, and aren't friends with, but want to be friends with?
Millions
There are exactly four people who fit that model.
I don't know, really. A few?
None

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How do you like to stay in touch with your friends?
I see them every day.
We use Snapchat sometimes, but other times we use BingBong or Dingaling because Snapchat is sooooo 2018.
Email, because it's the best way to do that.
Facebook, like most adult humans.

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How close do you feel to living your dreams?
Miles and miles away, but they're going to happen!
I can taste it!
I'm actually re-configuring my dreams.
My dreams will stay dreams forever.

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Based on your expectations, does life feel like a surprise?
I don't even know what to expect!
Yeah, I'll admit it. I still want so much more, though.
Every time I think I can predict life, it challenges that idea.
More and more, lately

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How much control do you feel like you have over your path?
None, but that's okay.
I will do exactly what I want!
I have some control, but at least I know what that is.
Less and less every day

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How well do you feel like you really know what makes you happy?
I'm often surprised to discover new pleasures.
Nothing makes me happy, except for my passion. Now leave me alone!
At this point, I think I have a handle on it.
What I love now isn't what I always loved.

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How do you get your exercise?
I walk or run everywhere, ride my bike and wear myself out by having fun.
I do yoga.
I have a personal trainer.
I do Tai Chi on the weekends.

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How do your social connections feel these days?
Like family
Like we'll be friends forever!
Not as close as I'd like, and too numerous
Fraying

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How do you feel about the prospect of your death?
Whoa, scary.
We all die, man. Well, I say "we," but in fact, I feel immortal.
I don't have much time to worry about that.
It'll happen eventually. I don't try to sweat it too much.

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How zealous are you about the causes you support?
I shout and yell and don't do anything else.
I get in everyone's faces, systematically bringing up my causes in social settings until others are sick of me.
I donate money and my own time to support causes I care about.
I left money in my will for the causes I care about.

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