Can We Guess If You're a Doctor?

By: Zoe Samuel

Can We Guess If You're a Doctor?
Image: Compassionate Eye Foundation/Natasha Alipour Faridani/DigitalVision/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Being a doctor is quite rightly a profession that is respected pretty universally. After all, being a doctor takes years of training, and the acquisition of a unique combination of skills. A good doctor must not only know the system of the human body in which they specialize—but they must also know all the other parts well, in order to take a holistic approach that understands no part of a patient's health exists in isolation. They must stay up to date with new developments in their field, from received wisdom that has been newly confirmed or proven to be nonsense, to new drugs or concerns about old drugs, to procedures and devices and which sort of patient might be suited to which new treatment.

To be a truly great doctor, of course, you must also be good with people. It is sometimes the unhappy duty of a doctor to give people the worst news of their life, and the way it is given will never be forgotten. A great doctor is a tremendous comfort, who can help a scared and sick person face their treatment with courage and tenacity. That's why not just anyone can be a doctor.

Do you have the magical touch of an MD? We think we know!

If you went through a wormhole to 1642, how much of your education would be useful?
Quite a lot, actually
A few items
Literally none
Surprising parts

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How high is your threshold for finding things icky?
I love goo! I love pus! The more ick the merrier!
I can deal with a lot of ick.
Oh my goodness no thank you!
I can handle a little ick.

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Did you always feel drawn to be a healer?
Yes, I used to bandage my dolls as a little kid.
No, but it solidified later.
Not really
No, I hate people.

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How many years of study is too many?
No amount!
15
8
4

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What working space makes you feel happiest?
Theater (the operating kind)
Office
Field
Theater (the performing kind)

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How willing are you to risk never making a good living?
Not at all
A little
A lot
I don't even want to!

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What car do you drive?
Nice town car
SUV
Minivan
Convertible

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If there's a medical emergency on a plane, do you help?
Of course!
I try.
If there is no one else
No—that's no way to be disembarked early!

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When did you first get a first aid qualification?
Age 15
Age 18
Just recently
Never

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Someone has cut their finger! What should we do?
Wash it with soap then disinfect
Wash it
Put butter on it
Put ice on it

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What medicine would you definitely not prescribe other than in the most extreme situation?
Anything in the opioid family
Anything habit-forming
Anything the person is allergic to!
Alcohol

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How often per day do you wash your hands?
Five times or more
Eight times or more
Once or twice
I don't really.

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What's the last object you asked someone to pass to you?
Scalpel
Chart
Book
Salt

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Can you read a chart?
Of course—and write one!
Mostly
Nope
You mean like a map? Sure.

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If you don't know something, what do you say?
"Let me confer with a colleague."
"We need more tests."
"I don't know."
I just make something up.

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Can you give bad news graciously?
Yes—it's not fun, but I can do it.
Not yet
Not at all
Nope

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How often do you get additional job training?
A couple times a year
Constantly
Annually
Every year or two

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If you meet a really attractive nurse (male or female), what do you say?
"Nice to meet you."
"Hello, Nurse [last name]."
"Heyyyyy"
"Would you like to have dinner with me?"

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Which is the best, "Doctor, doctor" joke?
"I think I'm a bridge!" "Really, what's come over you?" "Three cars!"
"I've got terrible wind, can you give me something for it?" "Here's a kite!"
"I feel like a pair of curtains!" "Pull yourself together."
"I couldn't drink my medicine after my bath, like you said. I was too full having drunk the bath."

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How much would you charge to sign all the pages in that prescription pad then leave it here while you pop into another room?
I would never do that.
Pay whatever you like, it won't help!
$10,000
$100

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Someone is scared of needles. How do you feel about that?
Sorry for them
Slightly annoyed
Contemptuous
I relate hard. Needles are terrifying.

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Before you examine a patient, what do you say?
"Is there any pain or past trauma that you'd like me to be aware of before I touch any place on your body?"
"Would you like a nurse of your gender to be present?"
"Take off your clothes and put on this robe, I'll be right back."
"Oh God, this part."

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How important is money to you?
Not too much
Fairly
Not at all
Very

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What is the dumbest thing about the health care system, from your perspective?
Paperwork
Prices
Literally everything
Inequality

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What is the biggest organ in the human body?
Skin
Liver
Intestine
Lung

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How many bones does a skull have?
22
30
5
2

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Can you wear white and not spill on it?
Of course!
Usually
Not really
No

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What sort of shoe do you wear to work?
Sneaker
Croc
Loafer
Heel

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What is your favorite piece of office decor?
Letters from happy patients
Anatomy chart
My degree
Piece of artwork

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How much do you value letters in front of your name?
I want them on both sides of my name!
They are my very best friends.
They are fairly precious
I don't need such baubles.

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You Got:

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