Can We Guess If You're a Goose, Swan or Flamingo?

By: Emily Maggrett

Image: Pixabay by Garyuk31

About This Quiz

If you were a bird, would you be an elegant swan, a goofy goose or a vivacious flamingo? The answer lies in how you usually react when you're caught in an awkward moment.

Cool, pretentious swans like to cover their uneasiness by pretending like nothing is wrong, while warm-hearted geese tend to squawk and bustle about, striving to make everyone else feel better and inadvertently making fools of themselves in the process. Conversely, outgoing flamingos attempt to restore harmony by calling attention to their own appearance and accomplishments: they're the comedians of the bird world, which is why their pink silhouettes are synonymous with fun.

Curious which one you are, or do you already have a good guess? Either way, this quiz can help. Tell us about how you'd react to a series of embarrassing hypothetical situations and we'll guess what your secret bird identity is. By confessing the truth about how you'd handle such scenarios as impulsively hitting "send" on an irate email to your boss or being overheard calling your teacher "mommy", you'll help us to determine just how much of a goose, flamingo or swan you actually are. So, what are you waiting for? Quoth the raven, "Take this quiz!"

While dancing at a party, you spot your ex across the room. How do you react?

I hide from them!

I pretend like I don't see them.

I hang out as close to them as possible while acting interesting and fabulous.

I act happy to see them but find a way to covertly insult them.

You're meeting your boyfriend's mother for the first time. She makes it clear she's not impressed by you. What do you do?

I try twice as hard to make her like me, going out of my way to be ingratiating.

I ask her where she got her top and if it's not designer, I say, "How interesting."

I toss my head and reel off a list of my accomplishments.

I don't do anything except stay polite. She can think what she wants.

In high school, were you a goth, a punk or a prep?

I was in band!

Prep

Goth

Punk

On your way to a job interview, someone bumps into you, spilling your latte all over your shirt. There's no time to change. How do you handle it?

I run to the bathroom and try to dye the entire shirt tan, using my remaining coffee. Then I attempt to dry the shirt with paper towels. It DOES NOT work.

I button my coat all the way up over it and pretend like I'm cold.

I stop a stranger on the street and offer them $50 to trade shirts with me.

I show up with a stained shirt and explain what happened.

Have you ever tripped while entering a crowded room?

That's like, every Wednesday for me.

Nope!

Yes, but if you lean into it, you can make it look like an intentional Aikido roll.

Yeah. Not fun but not a big deal, is it?

While riding the bus, an acquaintance sits down next to you. You have little in common with them. What do you talk about?

Anything. Everything. My mouth opens and the words spill out!

I don't try to make conversation unless they initiate it.

I treat them to short monologue about how I'm doing and what I've been up to.

I ask them how their day is going.

In line at the grocery store, your debit card is rejected and you realize your bank account must be overdrawn. What do you tell the clerk?

"I'm not overdrawn, I swear ... they just haven't processed my paycheck yet."

I stay calm and hand them my credit card.

I say, "Oh well, I'm on a diet anyway," and proudly strut out of the store.

I ask them to hold my groceries while I go get some cash.

During a meeting, your manager loudly farts. How do you keep things professional?

I can't; that would make me giggle for sure.

I don't acknowledge the fart, even if it was noxious.

I make a drum roll sound so that everyone cracks up.

I say, "There must be a wild frog in here," and open the window.

As a child, did you ever try to stop your parents from fighting? How?

I begged them both to stop or offered to do household chores.

I didn't try to intervene; instead I went to my friends' houses.

I'd distract them with a cool tap dance or a comedy routine about Grandma.

I prank-called the house, asking if either of them ordered 40 pizzas.

You're on a date with someone you met through an app. They comment that you look older in person. What do you say?

"What? Ah geez. Should I buy a retinol eye cream?"

"Funny, so do you."

"Bye!"

I don't say anything; I just stare at them.

After dinner at your mom's house, she proposes watching a movie. You choose an independent film, which you soon realize is full of racy scenes. How do you deal?

I blush and say, "Mom, let's watch something else, OK?"

I offer to go make us a drink whenever a salacious scene comes on.

I'm not embarrassed at all. We're both adults, aren't we?

I use the remote to make the racy scenes play in slow motion until she gets the point.

When you were little, did you ever call your teacher "mommy" by accident? What did you do next?

I did that all the time! I usually apologized.

I only did that once. I pretended like I didn't say it.

I did that so often that it turned into my nickname for my teacher.

I said, "What? She reminds me of my mommy, OK?"

Your hairstylist accidentally gives you super-weird baby bangs. How do you survive the growing-out period?

I don't try to cover them up. Bangs grow fast, after all.

I hide them with a series of elegant head wraps.

I use it as a great excuse for me to bust my wig collection!

I slap a beanie on my head.

You wave at a handsome man you think is your crush, only to realize he's actually someone else. How do you recover your dignity?

I stop him and explain why I waved, even though he didn't ask me for an explanation.

I smile at him like I'm flirting, instead of like I made a mistake.

I turn the wave into part one of an interpretive dance.

I wheel around and start walking in the opposite direction.

It's a windy day, you're wearing a short skirt and you have a wardrobe malfunction. Do you go change?

No. I decide the wind will stop any minute now and proceed to have three more wardrobe malfunctions. Shucks!

Yes. I go home and put on a whole new outfit.

No. My body is amazing and I don't care who knows it.

Yes. Luckily, I usually keep a spare pair of jeans in my car.

You run into a friend from high school, who is carrying new weight in her midsection. You ask her when she's due and she says she's not pregnant. What's your response?

I apologize profusely and somehow make her even angrier.

I change the subject like it's no big deal.

"Cool, I'm not pregnant either! Sorry, I guess I just assumed that because everyone else from our year is."

I claim I was just kidding.

One day at work, you accidentally knock over your purse and it spills all over the floor. Several tampons roll out and are picked up by your male coworker. How do you react?

I feel super humiliated and don't make eye contact with him for three months.

I act confused, as if they aren't my tampons, even though they are.

I behave as if he's flirting with me and thank him effusively.

I just take them.

The dinner party you've thrown is not going well: No one is talking and one couple seems to be feuding. How do you repair the situation?

I act like a camp counselor, desperately trying to spark up conversations.

I get out another bottle of wine.

I propose that we play strip poker.

I look at my watch and announce that it's really late, so we better pack it up.

You've got front row tickets to a play. Intermission is in 30 minutes but you need to pee now. You can't leave without disrupting the performance. What do you do?

I wait 10 minutes and then try to stealthily go to the bathroom, but I accidentally make a big commotion instead.

I hold it until intermission.

In as chill a manner as possible, I rise and go to the bathroom. No one even notices.

I go to the bathroom and then wait until intermission to regain my seat.

Have you ever worn a shirt to school or work that you didn't realize was transparent under certain lighting?

Yep! I had to go buy a cardigan on my lunch break to cover it up.

Yes. The best thing to do is pretend like it was a choice.

No. I love transparent clothes and tend to buy them on purpose.

No. I hate thin or flimsy clothes.

A friend dreams of starting a pizza business, but she's terrible at making pizza. She asks your opinion of her dream. What do you say?

"If you can dream it, you can achieve it."

"Aren't restaurant businesses notoriously unprofitable?"

"Girl, I love your pizza, but maybe you should start small, like with a catering business."

"Sorry, but your pizza is not that good."

While chatting with a neighbor at a block party, you make fun of Christians. Her face falls and she reveals she's very devout. Do you apologize?

Yes. I also claim that I actually like Christ a lot, which makes her roll her eyes.

No. Instead, I ask her how she keeps her lawn so green.

I say, "Sorry! But if you're a good Christian, you have to forgive me."

Yes. Then I walk away. This relationship is unsalvageable.

Let's say you asked your crush to go see a movie and they said no, so you get your BFF to go with you instead. At the theater, you run into your crush and an attractive stranger, there to see the same film. What do you do?

I ask my crush why they ditched me.

I graciously wave hello then ignore them.

I pretend like my BFF is my date and say, "Oh my, how awkward for you!"

I ask my crush's date what they're doing with my fiancé and laugh at their shock.

You come home early from a vacation and discover your cat sitter reading your diary. How do you deal with her?

I'm astonished! But I pay her the cat sitting fee anyway.

I remove the diary from her hands and tell her that I won't be paying her anything.

I dramatically threaten to sue her.

I tell that that legally, I now get to read her diary, then kick her out after paying 50% of her fee.

During a job interview, you're asked how well you get along with others. Nervous, you launch into a rambling story that has nothing to do with the question. The interviewer says your answer is bad. What do you do next?

I have a panic attack and withdraw my application.

I pause, take a deep breath, and give the interviewer a new answer to his question.

I laugh and ask them to cut me some slack.

I turn the tables, asking the interviewer how they would answer the question themselves.

While talking to a new person, you realize you're accidentally copying their accent. They notice and ask why you're making fun of them. What's your reply?

"Gosh, I'm sorry. That's just one of my nervous tics."

"Actually, I'm not copying your accent."

"Sorry. I'm in a play next week where I need to use your accent."

I apologize and stop copying their accent immediately.

At a big New Year's Eve party, you eagerly await your date. But soon, it's clear you've been stood up. Your friends look sorry for you. How do you act?

I drink too much then go cry in the bathroom.

I look around, find the most attractive person there, and start flirting with them.

I throw a wild tantrum and force at least three cuties to comfort me.

I go home.

Have you ever been in the middle of telling what you thought was an interesting story when you realize that everyone you're talking to is bored by it?

Yes. It made me feel terrible!

No, because I don't tell long stories.

No, because I am great at telling stories.

Yes. Unfortunately, it happens.

Your best friend is wonderful but couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. Unfortunately, he's drunk and doing karaoke in front of 150 people. Do you help him?

Of course. I would jump up onstage with him and make the song a duet.

Nah. He made his bed, now he has to lie in it.

I shove him off stage and take the mic. My singing talent is undeniable!

I escort him offstage before his song is over. He'll thank me in the morning.

You're making an important presentation at work. Your PowerPoint is killer, your delivery is strong, but people are still smirking. You realize your fly is down. How do you cover up your gaffe?

I attempt to sink through the floor.

I smoothly sit down or move behind the podium so that my fly isn't visible.

I say, "Oops, forgot to XYZ," and openly zip up.

I excuse myself to the bathroom, zip up my fly and proceed.

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