Can We Guess If You're in the Army?

By: Zoe Samuel

Can We Guess If You're in the Army?
Image: inhauscreative / E+ / Getty Images

About This Quiz

The reason the United States exists is because of the professionalization of its army. When a rabble of militias banded together, it was Friedrich Wilhelm von Steuben who created the first American military training manual and drilled the young American army in its first exercises. This discipline not only enabled America to throw off the yoke of Imperial Britain, but it also gave rise to the traditions of the branches of the US military that exist to this day, from marching in formation to dining in.

Active duty or reservist, life in the U.S. Army isn't quite like any other job. It means vigilance when at work and dignity when on one's own. The army teaches its members how to do things efficiently enough "for government work," which, if not the final perfection of an act, is always a good place to start. The purpose, of course, of army training, is to enable soldiers to focus on the really important things, namely the sort of decision making for which all training exists. If one cannot put the sound of battle out of one's mind, then one cannot decide what to do after all, but this extends into other areas of life where shutting out distractions can be key. Do you think we can tease out if you are a soldier in the U.S. Army?

1-Work Out How often do you get in a workout?
A couple of times a week, if I'm lucky
Every day!
A few times a week
Never

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2-Gig Line How's your gig line?
It's immaculate.
It's pretty good most of the time.
It's fine, I think.
I don't perform.

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3-Gossip Where do you go for rumors?
I sit alone in the mess and listen.
The PNN is 24-7.
My mother's friends
Facebook

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4-Push Up How often do you grab some real estate?
Once a week, just to keep in practice
Frequently
About six times a day
Oh, I don't own my home.

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5-Military What's the difference between a NAP and a LEG?
The latter isn't military lingo.
The former is the one to use within earshot of a LEG.
I hear I'm a LEG.
I have no idea.

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6-Soldier Have you ever taken orders from a fister?
Early on, yeah
Many times
Uh, I have to look that up.
I'm not into that stuff.

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7-Soldier What gets wrapped around your axle?
People who don't listen and remember
Being asked to do something and then the person who asked you changes their mind about something
Not enough time to sleep!
Uh, I don't own a car.

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8-Compass and Map When is the appropriate time for an azimuth check?
Any time I'm making a major decision
Every time I'm about to do something I can't reverse
Every time I make a turn
I'm sorry, but that's a made-up word.

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9-Haircut How often do you get a haircut?
Every month
Every three weeks
Every week
Every couple of months

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10-Garage How tidy is your garage?
It's not bad, but it could be better.
I could and often do eat in there.
It's a mess.
I use it for storage.

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11-Cooking What's the most complex meal you know how to cook?
Pizza
A TV dinner
Burgers
Kale pesto pasta

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12-Soldier What usually happens when you step into someone else's argument?
It stops.
I'm forced to take a side.
Both sides turn on me.
Someone actually hits me.

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13-Soldier How do you deal with charity representatives who won't leave you alone?
I firmly tell them to leave me alone.
I forcefully tell them to go away.
I ask them to stop.
I ignore them.

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14-Relationship What's your relationship status?
Been married a few years now!
Newly married
Single and looking!
I'm not up for a relationship right now.

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15-Resume What would you do to prepare for a civilian job interview?
Have all my clothes neatly pressed
Polish my shoes until I can see my face in them
Get a haircut
Work on my resume

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16-Running How long can you run before you get out of breath?
A few miles
As long as it takes
Six miles, no more
A hundred yards

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17-Cellphone How often do you replace your gadgets, like cellphones?
When they stop working
Very rarely, if ever
As often as I can
Once every year or so

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18-Work At what age did you enter your current line of work?
22
18
17
30

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19-Soldiers What do you fear most, day to day?
Bad decisions made by unaccountable people
The good idea fairy
Getting sick
The stock market crashing

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20-Sky Why is the sky blue?
Do I have to explain this to you?
God loves the infantry.
Something about the ocean ...
Air particles filter out the other colors.

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21-Soldier What do you think of people who focus on unnecessary things?
Don't bother with them. They'll wind up on their fourth point of contact as surely as anyone.
PX Rangers are idiots. Still, they do have some cool stuff ...
Fools. I live like a samurai.
Well, define unnecessary!

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22-Flag What is the best thing about America?
We have the strength to be free.
We have a government by the people.
We have the best military in the world!
We've got the nukes!

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23-Soldier Which of the following movie stars who played soldiers conform to your idea of the ideal soldier?
Tom Hanks
John Wayne
Steven Seagal
Vin Diesel

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24-Government What do you think about government shutdowns?
I'm not allowed to say.
They're the worst. Literally.
I don't know anything about them.
They are necessary sometimes.

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25-Soldier Have you ever had to chase a CAB?
Yeah, I did that.
No, but I have buddies who did.
I don't remember that ...
Only in New York City. Those cabbies are a nightmare!

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26-Tech What do you look for when you don't know how to use a new piece of technology?
I bring in a specialist.
I look for the -10.
YouTube!
I look for a manual.

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27-Work What area is your specialty?
I'm more of an organizer than a doer.
Do I look like I need a sham shield?
I hope my specialty is telecommunications.
I like to think of myself as a sniper expert.

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28-Profession How long do you think you will stay within your current profession?
Forty years sounds about right.
I'll put in my twenty.
Five, maybe?
Thirty years, no more.

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29-Construction If you had to work in the civilian world, what sort of job would be a good fit for you?
Operations manager for a logistics company
Construction
Personal trainer
Television personality

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30-Navy What do you think of the Navy?
They're handy when you need to get somewhere to actually do something.
Soft swabbies!
They would mean living too far from home.
Aside from the uniforms, very cool. I love fleet week!

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