Can We Guess Which Position You Would Play in the Premier League?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
3 min
Can We Guess Which Position You Would Play in the Premier League?
Image: Tara Moore/DigitalVision/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Soccer is one of the oldest sports continuously played by humans, dating back well over a millennium. The appeal of the game is pretty universal, for several reasons. Firstly, even if you are absolutely awful at the two key elements, kicking and running, you can still have a very good time wallowing around the pitch screaming fearsome before fleeing whenever the ball comes your way.

This means that anyone can have fun at the game, and people of different abilities can still enjoy playing with one another as long as they don't take themselves too seriously. The second reason is that if you have a ball (which is extremely cheap), a patch of open ground, and two sweaters to put on the ground to mark the goal, you can improvise a little football pitch. Thirdly, you can even play on your own. This means that the barrier for entry is essentially non-existent. You don't really need any skill, any money, or even any friends and you can still get started!

However, the top end of the game is another matter. The amount of skill, money and fans is absolutely incredible. This means that even among the very top 0.001% of talent who make it as professional players, there is a high need for specialization and for a level of skill that is out of this world. Different body types, temperaments and abilities lend themselves to different positions in the high-stakes world of professional football, top of which is the Premier League.

Where would you find into this elite environment? Let's find out!

Do you mind very high risks?
I love them!
No thanks
I prefer them.
I like them.

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How fit are you?
Less than you'd think
I could run forever.
Very
More than you'd think

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How's your throwing arm?
I actually lost it to a shark but it had no effect on my life.
It's OK.
Great
The best

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Are you a team player?
Not really
Totally!
Yes, generally
Yes, but I expect to have a certain autonomy.

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Do you have a good head for strategy?
No, I go where I'm told.
Pretty good
Certain types only
Great

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How unflappable are you?
I am all flap!
A little flappable
Nothing alarms me.
Pretty unflappable

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Do you mind literally everyone being mad at you?
I love it.
I hate it.
I can deal.
I like it.

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How important is it to get all the glory?
100% important
I like it just a little.
I'd prefer none, thanks.
I like it quite a lot.

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Do you like solving problems?
No, I like causing them.
Yes, generally
Certain types, yes
That's all I like!

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Would you ever take a dive?
I have.
Probably not
Only if I were desperate
Never

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What's your body type?
Rangy like a swimmer
Middling build, lean, strong
Compact and tough
Tall, lithe, and well-proportioned

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Do you like to blend in?
I hate it!
I prefer it.
I want a moment here and there to shine.
I don't mind either way.

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What injury are you sure you will never get?
There's nothing I can be sure of.
I will never do anything clumsy.
Punched in the head
I will probably never over-stretch myself, as I am too flexible.

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How specialized are your soccer/football skills?
Entirely - I have basically three kicks.
Not at all, I do it all.
Somewhat
I have a unique set of skills.

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Do you like the idea of being an unlikely hero?
No, I want to be a likely hero.
A little
Once in a while, it'd be cool.
I do, yes.

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How's your stamina?
Lower than most professional players
Incredible
Pretty good
Average for a professional player

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How adaptable are you?
I'm not.
Very
Not very
Somewhat

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What can you bench?
175lbs
200lbs
250lbs
Over 300lbs

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Do you recover quickly from injury?
Yes, thank goodness, because I get injured a lot.
Yes, more than most
Not really
No, but I don't get many injuries.

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Do you like standing around thinking to yourself?
Standing around, sure, not so much thinking though
No, I want to be busy all the time.
Sometimes, but I'm always ready to react.
Yes, I do my best thinking that way.

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Are you easily provoked?
Yes, I always want to fight.
Not easily, but I don't let a slight go unanswered.
Not really
Absolutely not

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At what age would you like to peak?
22
34
28
37

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What is your nemesis?
Rain
Teammates who don't do their part
Missing something in my peripheral vision
Butterfingers

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If you're going to skip something in the gym, what will it be?
Arm day
I would never do that.
Stretching
Leg day

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How will you celebrate when you score?
I will punch everyone and start fights!
I will do an amusing little dance.
I will hug everyone.
I will stand there very surprised.

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Which side do you kick a penalty?
Top left
Top right
Bottom left
I trick them and kick in the middle.

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How protective are you of your face?
I'm gorgeous, so very.
I'd like to make a lot of money on sponsorship, so fairly.
Not a bit, I will use my face to block anything.
My ugly mug isn't worth protecting.

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What's your top speed?
24mph
22mph
20mph
18mph

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How limber are you?
Fairly
Very
Average for a professional athlete
The most

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How many "keepie-uppies" can you do?
A lot but then I get bored.
Infinite
I don't do silly things like that.
Not many

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You Got:

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