Can We Guess Your Dog's Name in 30 Questions?

By: Zoe Samuel

Can We Guess Your Dog's Name in 30 Questions?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Everyone loves dogs! Well, everyone you'd actually trust to be around you does, anyway (with a mulligan given to anyone who is deathly allergic). Dogs are all that is good and lovely and cuddly. They force you to exercise, and they make you produce "happy hormones" like oxytocin and dopamine when you cuddle them, which reduces blood pressure, improves your heart health, and thus stops you dying. 

They reduce the odds your kids will develop allergies. They protect your home - for free. They cover everything you own with hair and thus spare you from the insanity that is ever bothering to buy something dry-clean-only every again. They play with you when you're playful, and they console you when you're sad. They offer you absolutely unconditional love, as well as occasional dead animals. They make friends out of strangers.

That's why it's essential that we give our dogs names that reflect the enormity of all they do for us. Sure, we all call our dog "good boy/girl," "doggie," "dog," etc., but we also give them a name so significant that we inscribe it on their collar and even record it on their microchip. Let's see if we can figure out what you named yours!

What kind of glasses do you own?
Prescription eyeglasses. I'm nearsighted.
Cool frames with no lenses.
I don't, I wear a hat when it is sunny, and I have perfect vision.
Sunglasses.

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Which of these names are you most likely to give to a child of yours someday?
Jeff.
Ulysses.
Basil.
Fidel.

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How much time do you spend reading?
30 minutes before bed.
What? You mean like, books?
All my free time.
I set aside one day on the weekend just to read.

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How open minded are you?
Not at all.
I'm the most open minded! Ask any of my friends who are just like me.
I'm kind of conservative.
I don't judge anyone.

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How many smart devices do you own?
Two.
I've lost count.
Only one.
Three.

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What kind of phone do you have?
I don't know the brand. Something cheap.
I have an iPhoneX.
An LG V30.
A Yotaphone.

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What kind of computer do you own?
It's a Dell.
A MacBook.
My Gateway is still fine!
Lenovo.

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What is your neighborhood like?
Suburban.
Trendy.
Campus-like.
It's an immigrant neighborhood.

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What industry are you a part of?
Manufacturing.
Media.
Academics.
Finance.

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What was your home before you lived there?
Someone else's home.
An old butcher shop.
An antiques store.
A public school.

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How would you describe your hair?
Very conservative.
It's one of a kind.
Short back and sides.
Mullet.

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What circle of people do you draw your friends from?
My neighbors and coworkers at the plant.
Burning Man.
Networking events.
People I meet at book readings.

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What job is closest to yours?
Branch Manager
"Creative"
Adjunct Professor
Journalist

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What do you drive?
A Chevy Impala.
I use a rent-by-the-hour service.
An old Saab.
A Volvo V90.

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How would you describe the relationship you're in right now?
Totally satisfactory.
I try not to put labels on it.
Okay, I'm single. You got me.
It's looking serious.

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How educated are you?
I have a BA.
I have a Master's Degree.
I have several doctorates.
I'm an autodidact.

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What is your professional dream?
Get a nice Christmas bonus this year.
Run a tech startup.
High flying finance pro.
Travel the world, lecturing.

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What is the length of your longest relationship?
Seven years.
A few weeks.
Ten years.
Eight months.

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What do you do on the weekends, to relax?
I mow my lawn.
I get a new tattoo.
I go to museums.
I party.

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What pet would you have other than a dog?
A cat.
A snake.
A hamster.
A tarantula.

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How many countries have you been to?
Two.
Four.
Ten.
Five.

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What word would you use to describe your high school experience?
Heaven.
Hell.
Bullying.
Lonely.

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What sort of college did you go to?
Community college.
A party school.
Ivy League.
I didn't!

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What sort of movies do you like best?
Blockbusters.
Independent films.
Historical films.
Comedies.

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What do you do to keep fit?
I have a Soloflex.
Crossfit.
I jog.
MMA, bro.

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What kind of window dressing do you have in your home?
Curtains and blinds.
My windows are covered with transparent E-ink screens.
Just curtains.
Just blinds.

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How spiritual are you?
I go to church on Sunday.
I'm very spiritual. Just check out my tattoo!
I'm an atheist, and not spiritual.
I'm spiritual, but I don't practice.

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How many dogs have you owned in your lifetime?
Three or more.
None.
One.
Two.

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What kind of dog did you have growing up?
A Golden Retriever.
None.
A mutt.
An Akita.

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How financially literate are you?
Above average.
Not at all.
Average.
I know a lot about money.

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You Got:

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