Can We Guess Your Favourite Football Team?

By: Zoe Samuel

Can We Guess Your Favourite Football Team?
Image: Wikicommons by Soccer illustrated.

About This Quiz

Football has been around for thousands of years. That means there's been a football fandom for a very long time, even if it was not always known by that name. These days, of course, the game has become professionalised and the quality has greatly increased. The age of mass media has made it easier than ever to follow your local team's every move. Meanwhile, teams have become ever more savvy at monetising their brands, making the team strip into a must-have game-day accessory and releasing team apps where fans can be in a constant dialogue with the team machine. The upshot is that a person's team can really start to take over their life, usually in a positive way (though this does rather depend on whether they win often).

Still, just because all fandoms have increased in intensity does not mean they are alike! Each team's followers have their own particular rituals and habits. These are born out of a combination of location, local culture, and the native cultures of the fandom themselves. If you tell us a little about yourself, we can pinpoint the team you love with near scientific accuracy! Let's get started!

1. rival Do you love a good derby with a longstanding rival?
No. I hate it. I can't stop watching, but I hate it.
Everyone is our longstanding rival.
Yes!
Not really

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2. shout How do you like to vocalise your encouragement during a game?
Swearing
Animalistic roaring
Singing our song
Reciting beautiful poetry

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3. clothes How many layers do you wear to games?
All of them
Nothing. Shirts are for wimps.
I wear a T-shirt because I'm hard as nails, I am.
Just one

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4. drink If you had to choose a non-alcoholic beverage during the game, what would it be?
I don't understand. They make such drinks? Why?
Anything I can use as a weapon
A nice cup of tea
A lovely chilled juice

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5. who Who goes with you to games?
My friends
My comrades
My family
My colleagues

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6. free When you're not watching the footie, what do you do with a Saturday afternoon?
That's the only thing I do on Saturdays.
Commit low-level crimes
Go to the pub
Go to the museum

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7. why How did you come to be a fan of your beloved team?
Everyone at my church is one.
They're the only team worthy of my fandom.
It's a local thing
I visited the area many times and liked it.

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8. switch If your team is knocked out of the running for the F.A. Cup (or equivalent), to whom do you switch your loyalty?
I don't. I just root against our rival.
I stop watching.
Tottenham or Newcastle
Barcelona

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9. fan How internationally recognisable is your team's brand?
Less than most of my fellow fans would think
Not at all
Very
Extremely

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10. merch What do you spend annually on your fandom?
£100
£50 on tickets, £1,000 on fines for what I do later
£1,000 on tickets and merchandise
£5,000 on tickets, merchandise and travelling to see them

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11. calm down Be honest: Is there anyone in your life who wishes you'd take your obsession down a notch?
Not any more, there isn't (because we're not friends any more, not for any more sinister reason).
Pretty much everyone feels that way.
Maybe my boo
No, I'm quite mellow about it.

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12. play Have you ever actually played football yourself?
Yes, all the time
Only as a pretext to start fights
Only as a kid
No

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13. dive One of your players takes a dive. How do you feel about it?
Annoyed
Angry
Disappointed
Depends. Did he get away with it?

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14. rain The game has been rained off. How do you feel about this?
Why would you rain something off? Play on, I say!
More fighting time for me!
Upset, until I get my refund
Philosophical. We need rain to live.

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15. where Where do you watch games, if you can't go in person?
Pub
Trendy sports bar
Mate's living room
Home

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16. i am How central to your identity is being a fan of your team?
It is who I am.
It's who I am on Saturdays.
It's important, but not the most important.
I could mostly take or leave it.

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17. work What field do you work in?
Finance
Construction
Retail
Marketing

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18. curse If your team was cursed to never win the league again for at least twenty years, would you give up on them?
Never!
I already have given up on that. It doesn't affect how much I enjoy the games.
Doubt it
Yes

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19. money What would you be willing to spend on a ticket to see your team play the finals of the Champion's League?
£100
£1,000 because it'll never happen again
£500
Whatever it took

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20. shame What less-than-pleasant stereotype about your team is actually kind of true?
We really are mad.
We really are thugs.
None of them!
We absolutely do cheat.

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21. granted How much do you take it for granted that your team will always be in the Premier League or equivalent?
I'd be shocked if we weren't.
I never assume anything.
It's a given.
I suppose something very serious could happen, but I doubt it.

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22. angry If your team loses a regular game, how do you express your feelings about this?
I shout at everyone.
I smash everything.
I sulk.
I forget it about five minutes later.

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23. crew Productivity in certain towns is related to the local team's performance. Does your team's performance affect yours?
Yes. I'm at least 20% more effective when we're winning.
I can be a bit hyper if we win.
Somewhat, but only the day after a game
It has no impact at all.

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24. talk How would you persuade another person of the superiority of your team?
I have a Powerpoint presentation ready for this!
I wouldn't.
I'd show them all our trophies.
I'd make them watch a game.

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25. travel What's the furthest you've ever travelled to see your team play an away game?
150 kilometres
10 kilometres
200 kilometres
2000 kilometres

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26. live What type of area do you prefer to live in?
Major city
Anywhere suits me, really
Large town
Compact city

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27. surprise You see your top striker in the pub. What do you say to him?
I can't even speak. I'm too excited. He gets it, though.
I avoid him. He's scary.
I ask for a selfie.
I don't say anything. I am too dignified.

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28. chant On the way to the game, at what point do you start the team chant?
As soon as I get off the bus!
When I leave the house!
As we come into the stadium
Once I'm in my seat

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29. enemy You see the enemy fans leaving the stadium. What happens next?
We say awful things, but security is watching, so we behave.
It's going down. It's going down big time.
We jeer at each other, then all go for a drink.
I have taken off my jersey, so I just sneak off.

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30. stripe black What colour(s) suit you the best?
Green and white
Blue and white
Red
Black and red

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You Got:

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