Can We Guess Your First Brand-New Car?

By: Zoe Samuel

Can We Guess Your First Brand-New Car?
Image: Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/Blend Images/Getty Images

About This Quiz

You'll always remember your childhood home, your first boy or girlfriend, your first boss. These experiences leave an indelible mark on us, shaping our expectations going forward, and forming the foundations for our relationships, ambitions, and fears. Some of these firsts aren't up to us, like the ones that happen when we are just children, but the firsts that come as we enter adulthood say something about us, about what sort of people we are.

We will take this logic chain from the other end and see what we can do with it. We will pose a series of questions intended to expose latent aspects of your personality. We will use this information to chart your psyche, lay bare your id, and discern the way you make decisions, going all the way back to your transition into adulthood. After only a few questions, we will know you better than your family, your friends, even your therapist. We will then use this tremendous knowledge and apply it to guessing what your first car was.

Sure, it may seem like an arbitrary use of what could otherwise be powerful self-knowledge, but perhaps by reading our reasoning will give you a glimpse at the insights we have, and not only will we amuse you with our guesswork, we will hold up the mirror to your very soul.

How many friends do you have?
Loads.
A few, all like me.
I'm friends with lots of folks, most of whom are parents.
Very few.

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How competitive are you?
Not very.
A bit above average.
Not at all.
Competition rules my behavior.

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How educated are you?
I never went to college.
I went to a great college and got an impressive degree.
I went to an average college and graduated.
I've got more degrees than a compass.

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How far left or right do your politics lean?
Hard left.
Center-left.
Center-right.
Hard right.

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How much time do you spend preparing for things?
I'm diligent in my prep.
I sometimes feel rushed.
I have to plan everything in advance, but things always seem to get ahead of me.
I pay someone for that.

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How often do you suffer from impostor syndrome?
Rarely.
All the time.
Frequently.
Never.

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What's your favorite movie genre?
Dramas.
Comedies.
Anything by Pixar.
Action movies.

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In one word, what is your primary responsibility?
Fun.
Job.
Kids.
Me.

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What pro sport do you follow?
Snowboarding.
Soccer.
Baseball.
MMA.

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What role do you most enjoy, in your life?
Sibling.
Friend.
Parent.
Boss.

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What kind of stuff do you like to do with friends?
Ski.
Play golf.
See movies.
Play cards.

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What kind of TV show do you like to watch?
I don't.
Serial fantasy shows.
Reality TV.
The news.

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What solitary activity do you enjoy most?
Hiking.
Reading.
Sleeping.
My job.

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What sort of job do you have?
Ski bum.
I'm a professional.
Management.
High finance.

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Would you consider your first new car as an object with sex appeal?
Not really.
Maybe a bit, if you fetishize power.
No way.
Oh, yeah.

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What adults are you closest to?
My parents.
My professional peers.
My spouse.
Younger ones I use to keep myself feeling young.

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How much stuff could you fit in your first new car?
Enough for me and one other passenger, if we were on a road trip.
Enough to take a couple friends to the beach for the weekend.
I could put all of my worldly possessions in there.
I can fit a small person and a small bag.

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How do you see the dynamic of your relationships?
We're like two stars in orbit of each other.
They're about synergy.
They have to be cooperative.
Transactional.

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How nice was the interior of your first new car?
It was very cheap.
It was extremely luxurious.
It was fine, but not great.
It was fancy, but not comfort-focused.

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How religious are you?
I'm more spiritual than religious.
I'm an atheist.
I worship once a week.
You ask me if I have a God complex? Let me tell you something: I am God.

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How versatile was your first new car?
Very, just not too spacious.
It was comfortable, and capable on the road, but had its limitations.
It could do anything except off-road.
It was good at one thing, and one thing only: fun.

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Do you and your fore-bearers live more or less the same life trajectory?
I'm a bit freer.
Yes, exactly the same.
No, we're on parallel paths.
No, I'm like them, squared.

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How practical is your first new car?
Very practical.
Slightly impractical.
The most practical possible car.
Extraordinarily practical.

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Did you undergo a professional shift around the time you got your first new car?
I was thinking of moving.
I got a promotion.
I had to take some time off.
No.

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Did you get your first new car for yourself, or for another reason?
I got it to take part in the world.
I got it to show off to my professional peers.
I got it for my family.
I got it for myself.

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How many countries have you been to?
3
5
2
10

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How well-off were your parents when you got your first new car?
Working class, salt of the Earth people. Broke, basically.
Upper middle class.
They weren't in the picture.
Rich as hell, but I didn't need their money.

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How often do you drive?
Every other day.
Twice a day.
Four times a day.
A few times a week.

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How old were you when you got your first new car?
21
23
32
27

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How often do you lose your temper?
Rarely.
More than average.
Never.
What are you insinuating? Do you want a piece of me? Because I'm right here!

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You Got:

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