Can You Answer Real Questions From an Ivy League Admissions Form?

You'll take the ASVAB if you want to go into the military. For a prestigious college, though, you'll have to take either the SAT, the ACT, or both.

It's a simple but standard question that all Ivy League schools will ask. Which term would you like to begin your studies? And do you have fast-food experience you can fall back on after you're rejected?

The ACT (and SAT) are two famous (and infamous) standardized tests. All universities, including Ivy League schools, rely on these test scores to find the best applicants.

You can't just offer your overall SAT or ACT score. You'll have to break down the numbers by section, that way the admissions folks will really understand that you're terrible at math.

You can't rely on your own scores and opinions to help you sail through the admissions process. You'll have to have former teachers indicate that you are somehow special, rather than just "special." Otherwise, you don't stand a chance.

Ivy League admissions officers don't just care about your SAT score. They want to know that you're a good person -- as such, they'll ask former teachers if you're a person with integrity or whether you're the kind of person who makes the crime pages.

Uh, you better believe it. Ivy League schools definitely want the top students in a high school class … C students can go ahead and skip the application process altogether because they have no hope.

Your school counselor knows you inside and out. OK, maybe she knows your name. Anyway, you'll need a school counselor to offer his or her enthusiastic endorsement for your application, and if you slip them a fifty, your odds of a positive letter dramatically increase.

Don't look at it as a 95% rejection rate. Think positive! You can be that in 5% of applicants who are accepted by Harvard. And if not, there's always Cornell.

GPA. It is an obsession with Ivy League types. It is your grade point average, and without it, you are nothing. Nothing at all.

You don't necessarily NEED to a have a 4.0 GPA in order to apply to a Ivy League school. The 4.0 GPA is just necessary if you want to actually be accepted.

Yale doesn't care if you graduated at the top of your class if your classmates are all mouth breathers. So you'll have to note how many of them are moving on to college as opposed to careers in check bouncing and extortion.

The SAT is a generalized exam. The Subject tests, though, are a more in-depth view into your abilities with particular topics. Other colleges might let you skip this part, but Ivy League schools will not.

Some colleges will let you slide by with only one SAT Subject score. Not Ivy League schools. You'll need at least two SAT Subject scores … and they'll obviously have to be very high.

Tell me you answered "very certain" for this one. Because if you're not certain about whether you want to go to an Ivy League school, why are you bothering to apply in the first place?

Oh, there's no art history in the list of SAT Subject tests. But there are other history subjects, as well as math, sciences, literature, and other topics.

It's a rite of passage for all Ivy League applicants -- the essay questions. These freeform questions offer you the chance to demonstrate your brilliance, your haughtiness, or both.

Let's be honest, your best bet to attend these schools is if you come from a line of folks who've also been at the top of the education system. And if your parents didn't attend an Ivy League college, just lie about it. We're kidding about that last part.

Ivy League schools love athletes. They tend to pick very smart athletes, so be sure to read books with smart-sounding titles to your hamstrings and triceps at bedtime.

Once you send off your application, you await word of your near-certain rejection with bated breath. In the meantime, some schools are nice enough to send confirmations so that you at least know they received your desperate and futile application.

We can't emphasize it enough -- the SAT Subject tests may not make your application, but they can break it. For the Literature test, for example, the mean score is about 600, meaning you should shoot higher.

OK, so they won't pose this question in the exact same manner. But the intent is the same -- do you prefer intellectual pursuits or first-person shooters?

No, there is no standard "test" or exam questions for every Ivy League college. It doesn't work that way. The Common Application for Undergraduate Admissions, however, is a standardized application that helps streamline the admissions for hundreds of colleges, including Ivy League schools.

Ivy League schools offter incredible deals for students from low-income families. If your parents make less than $65,000 per year, you'll pay nothing -- for a prestigious degree.

Did you throw spitballs at your teachers during class? You're under their thumbs now. You'll need (at least) two glowing recommendations from your teachers in order to impress admissions officers.

False. Although many colleges (even prestigious ones) recycle the same questions every year, you should be prepared for new ones. In other words, probably don't plan to plagiarize your older brother's answers.

You might sail through the SAT 10 times but still wind up rejected. Why? Because you wrote a boring essay that put admissions counselors to sleep.

Ivy League schools don’t offer athletic scholarships at all. But seriously, how many TDs did you score last year? 36? Welcome to Yale!

Sure, Ivy League schools offer your resume a certain sparkle. But all employers know there are a lot of other amazing universities in America, and you'll eventually wind up at one of them.

Yes, you have applied for Harvard. And because you'll almost certainly be rejected, you can try again, or bribe your local congressperson to put in a good word for you.