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About This Quiz
The Middle Ages were a time of superstition, war, and rapid change. Great thinkers and artists battled everything from religious persecution to plague. How would you have fared in these troubled times? Take this quiz to find out!
How well do you know your Bible?
Inside out, in Latin
I've read maybe two thirds of it and I can quote quite well
I know a few quotes from the most famous books and Psalm 23
I pay no heed to that superstitious claptrap
What's your position on witchcraft?
It's evil, and I will tell anyone who asks.
Probably not real, but I wouldn't go around telling anyone.
I'm a Wiccan.
Doesn't exist. Duh.
If anyone asks "What shape is the Earth?", what do you reply?
Whatever shape my priest says.
Flat
Round
I don't know.
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Can you milk a cow?
Yep. I own a cow.
I did it a few times at summer camp.
No, but I'm a quick study.
I am a vegan. Owning cows is immoral.
Can you collect eggs from a chicken?
Is this a trick question? They literally just lay them and you go and get them.
Sure I can.
I guess I could if I had to.
That sounds scary and gross.
How do you know if someone has the Black Death?
Fever, chills, blackened extremities, bleeding mucosal tissues
Lumps under armpits, sweats, weakness, vomiting
No idea. I'll just avoid anyone who seems sick.
I guess they turn black?
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You've identified the Black Death. Now what do you do?
Run away and clean myself with the strongest liquor I can find. Later, burn everything they touched.
Stay the hell away from them.
Put them out of their misery.
Wait 24 hours. They're not contagious after that.
Plague is in the village but you haven't spotted it yet. What do you do to keep it out of your house?
Impeccable hygiene and avoiding all human contact. Also, get cats. Fewer rats = fewer fleas = lower transmission rates.
Prayer and staying indoors
Light a fire. The plague cannot survive heat.
Prayer, I guess.
How's your archery?
I'm basically Katniss Everdeen.
Rusty, but I know the basics.
I can't hit the broadside of a barn.
I do not have a right hand.
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Can you ride a horse?
Ride a horse, drive a carriage, break in a horse...
Yes
No
No, and I'm scared of horses.
How big an area can a man with an ox plough in a day?
One acre
One hectare
Probably like three fields' worth
No idea
You're giving birth. What one precaution can you take to ensure all parties survive?
Sterilize everything ahead of time in boiling water and then again with alcohol.
Get the best midwife in the village.
Prayer and copious washing.
You can't. That's sort of the point of the Middle Ages.
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Who's more senior: the King or the Pope?
Depends if I am talking to a priest or a soldier.
The Pope. Henry VIII hasn't happened yet.
The King. The Pope's miles away.
Both are the same.
You're a woman and you can read. What are some acceptable career options for you?
Lady of the manor, abbess, midwife
Scribe, minstrel, nun
Healer, farmer, poet
Doctor, lawyer, merchant - if I'm literate, I'm gonna be the boss.
What's your social rank?
I am landed gentry and I've got the signet ring to prove it.
I'm a white collar professional with transferable skills.
I'm a blue collar professional with physical skills.
I don't buy into the idea of a social rank. That's silly.
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It's important to have friends in the Middle Ages. What entertaining skill might make you popular?
I'm an amazing storyteller and can recite the whole Bible.
My totally bitchin' lute-playing.
I can paint.
I'm good at chess and similar games.
The Crusades: good idea or bad idea?
Horrible waste of blood and treasure that destabilized the homeland and the Holy Land.
Really dumb and expensive for no obvious benefit.
They had their pluses and minuses.
Fun idea!
When it comes to properly addressing a lord so he won't have you hanged, what's the correct order of seniority (from highest to lowest)?
Duke, Marquis, Earl, Viscount, Baron, knight, squire
Duke, Viscount, Earl, Marquis, Baron, knight, squire
Baron, knight, squire, Duke, Marquis, Viscount, Earl
Knight, squire, Baron, Duke, Viscount, Marquis, Earl
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Which of these dangerous plants is most dangerous: hemlock, stinging nettle, ivory funnel, deadly nightshade, foxglove, cobra lily?
Stinging nettle and cobra lily will hurt you, the others will irritate your skin and can kill you if ingested.
Hemlock killed Socrates so it's definitely the worst one, followed by ivory funnel and foxglove.
Cobra lily and deadly nightshade are most dangerous; it's right there in the name.
Ivory funnel's a mushroom so that's the most dangerous.
What's the next line?%0D"Our Father, who art in heaven%0DHallowed be thy name."
Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.
Thine is the kingdom of heaven.
Thou art with me, and thy rod and thy staff me comfort.
You're pretty darn cool.
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If you don't have any armor polish, how can you stop it rusting?
Coat it with tar
Rub it with vegetable oil
Coat it with butter
Spit shine it
Do you know how to set a snare?
Yep.
I've done it once.
I could probably figure it out.
No, and I would never do that to a harmless animal.
You've cut your hand. How do you clean it without antibacterial products?
Soap and boiled water
Soap and any water
Run it in a stream
Spit on it. It sounds gross but it works.
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Communication matters! How's your Middle English?
I can read the whole of Chaucer.
I remember a few of the old drinking songs.
I can remember the naughty lines from Chaucer, so as long as we're only talking about horny roosters, I'm set.
I slept through that class.
If you could choose one feature for your house, what would it be?
A waterwheel
A well
Insulated walls
Glass windows
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You've got sinus issues! What's a good substitute for Sudafed?
Eucalyptus
Wild garlic and mint
Chewing grass. That's why dogs do it.
No idea
You've got dysentery. How do you stay well?
Valerian root tea with honey, and eat a pinch of salt.
Drink boiled water.
Put a hot compress on my tummy.
Drink lots of cold water.
You've got bitten by a bug. What will provide relief in a world without pharmacies?
Rub a dock leaf on it.
Run it in a stream.
Press a warmed stone against it.
Scratch it. Lots.
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You Got: