Design a Life in the Suburbs and We'll Guess Which Desperate Housewife You Are

By: Emily Maggrett

Design a Life in the Suburbs and We'll Guess Which Desperate Housewife You Are
Image: ABC via youtube

About This Quiz

Children who grow up in the suburbs may dream of escaping them, but many of us dream of absconding to the suburbs ourselves! There's something wonderfully comforting about the idea of living on a safe, quiet street where all the houses look the same and the lawns are always mowed. 

Of course, those pretty McMansion facades often hide a darker reality. Certainly that's what gave the show "Desperate Housewives" such a delicious comedic flair. Affairs, murders, blackmail... Wisteria Lane had more crime and intrigue than most people experience in a lifetime! Not to mention the natural and man-made disasters that plagued Wisteria Lane's residents, which included tornadoes, fires, plane crashes and riots.

Nevertheless, almost everyone has fantasized about what it would be like to live life as a Desperate Housewife. Which character do you think you'd be like? Would you be the church-going Martha Stewart type, like Bree? A warm-hearted but klutzy single mom, like Susan? A dissatisfied career woman turned stay-at-home mom, like Lynette? Or a classic trophy wife, like Gabrielle?

In this quiz, we'll ask you to plan an ideal suburban life, in order to reveal your true Desperate Housewife identity. Ready to find out if you're a Bree, Susan, Lynette or Gabrielle? Put on your cutest pair of yoga pants and let's get quizzin'!

Who is your housewife fashion icon?
Betty Draper
Lucy Ricardo
Betty Friedan
Samantha Stevens

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What kind of house would you choose to live in?
Restored Victorian
Comfortable bungalow
Mid-century modern ranch home
Epic McMansion

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What would your husband be like?
Tall, dark and obedient
I wouldn't have a husband.
Friendly, approachable and helpful
Rich and passionate

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How many kids would you have?
2
1
4
None

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How would you spend the majority of your day?
Cleaning and cooking, of course
Working, then trying to get all the cleaning, cooking and laundry done
Trying to keep my kids from destroying the house
Shopping, working out and getting my nails done

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What would your kitchen look like?
I would have a pristine, open floor plan kitchen, with marble counters and all the latest appliances.
I would have a homey, farmhouse-style kitchen, with exposed wood beams and a turquoise stand mixer.
I would want a functional kitchen that would be easy to keep clean, with tile floors, counters and backsplash.
Who cares?

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How would you decorate your living room?
I'd choose a white and pale green scheme, with raw silk curtains and a white leather couch
I'd fill it with welcoming, well-upholstered pieces I inherited from my grandmother.
I'd paint it yellow and fill it with books.
I'd have glass tables, black leather couches and plenty of expensive art.

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What would your bedroom decor be like?
Sleek and modern, with grey patterned wallpaper, an upholstered headboard, diaphanous floor-length curtains and a white stone fireplace
Soft and feminine, with an antique bedstead and lots of chintz
Cozy, with a big soft bed, a heavy quilt and a flat screen TV
Modern, with wood-paneled walls, a wood floor, animal fur rugs, a minimalist bed and sculptural floor lamps

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What kind of bathroom would you have?
I'd like an all-white bathroom with a waterfall shower.
I'd like a pink and white bathroom with a big clawfoot tub.
I don't care what my bathroom looks like, as long as it has a lock so I can get some privacy.
I'd want a spa-style bathroom with an oversized glass shower, bamboo mats, double porcelain sinks and a stone floor.

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On a typical weeknight, what would you make for dinner?
I'd make a four-course meal with appetizers, an entree, several side dishes and dessert.
I'd make chicken and potatoes with green beans and corn.
I'd make a hearty, affordable one-pot meal, like chili.
I'd order take-out.

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If you were throwing a dinner party for your husband's boss, what would be on the menu?
Coq au vin, pomme dauphine, Provençal vegetable tart and tarte tatin.
Rib-eye steaks, twice-baked potatoes, Caesar salad and baked Alaska.
Tapas, paella and churros
We'd go out to eat at the hippest restaurant in town.

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Would you volunteer or be politically active?
I'd be conservative and I'd volunteer with my children's school events.
I'd be a Democrat and I wouldn't have time to volunteer, because of my job.
I'd be progressive and I'd make time to help folks to register to vote.
I don't care about politics or volunteering.

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What kind of exercise classes would you take?
Aerobics
I wouldn't have time to exercise.
Jogging
Pilates

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What would your hobbies be?
Knitting, antiquing and refinishing furniture
Dancing, going to concerts and dating
Reading, going to plays and watching TV
Shopping, going out for drinks and visiting art galleries

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What would your garden look like?
I'd have a vegetable garden, herb garden, flower garden and topiary.
I'd have a cute cottage garden with daisies and hydrangeas.
I wouldn't have time to garden.
I'd have a manicured garden, maintained by my hot gardener.

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Would you have affairs?
Yes, but I'd regret them.
Yes, but I'd be single, so they wouldn't really be affairs.
No, although I'd be tempted to.
Yes, 100%!

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Would you get along with your mother-in-law?
Yes
I wouldn't have a mother-in-law.
I'd pretend to get along with my mother-in-law.
I'd be in an all-out war with my mother-in-law.

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If you caught your child stealing, what would you do?
Slap him or her on the wrist and force them to apologize.
Have a heartfelt talk with them about why stealing is wrong.
Ask them why they felt the need to steal. Is there an underlying problem?
Scold them but not punish them in any way.

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How would you celebrate the winter holidays?
I'd throw an incredible Christmas Eve party for the entire neighborhood.
I'd have a small, intimate gathering with my dearest friends and family.
I'd take my family ice-skating.
I'd convince my husband to take me skiing in Aspen.

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Would you make anything from scratch?
I'd make my own jams, pickles, soap and candles from scratch.
I'd bake cookies from scratch.
I don't have time to cook from scratch!
I'd make my own bath salts.

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Would you work part-time?
No. A woman's place is at home.
I'd work full-time. My family's not made of money!
Yes, if I could find interesting work.
No. The whole point of being a housewife is to stop working.

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What would you do if a MILF or DILF moved in next door?
Act cool, but flirt with him or her subtly
Invite him or her to my next barbecue
Steer clear of them. I want my marriage to work.
Wait until they were doing yard work, and then lie next to the pool in my best bikini

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Where would you shop for food?
Fred Meyer
Safeway
Trader Joe's
Whole Foods

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Would you hire a nanny?
Yes, to help out in the morning so that I could get the house clean.
No, I'd never be able to afford that.
No. Moms who stay at home don't need nannies!
Yes. I need my "me" time.

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What would be your biggest fear?
Someone coming over before I finished vacuuming
Getting locked out of my house while I was still in my bathrobe
Going back to work and finding out my skills had gotten rusty
Our family losing our money and assets

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What would be your biggest ambition?
To become president of the PTA
To meet my true love and get married
To find the perfect work-life balance
To become the richest woman in town

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What would you do if one of your friends' partners flirted with you?
Slap him. But I'd text him later.
Feel shocked, then tell him never to do that again
Roll my eyes and laugh at him
I'd flirt back!

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Where would you vacation?
New England
Hawaii
New York City
Rio

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What kind of bonbons would you eat?
Marzipan
Raspberry creams
Sugar-coated almonds
Chocolate truffles

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How many secrets would you keep from your neighbors?
50-100
Three or four
One or two
Five or six

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You Got:

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