1. Thank you
   If you please
2. Excuse me
   Hey!

Mind your P's and Q's! Or in this case, mind your SIP's. This is how you say please.

1. A tea and a coffee.
   A coffee and a coffee with milk.
2. A coffee and an espresso.
   Two coffees that are the exact same.

If you ask for this, you'll get a coffee and a latte. We're assuming you are in fact in a cafe when you make the request!

1. We have forgotten.
   We are forgotten.
2. We are lost.
   All is lost.

If you're lost, you might say this. That assumes there are two of you, otherwise it's "Je suis perdu".

1. I am looking for a person to hand out flyers!
   The church is giving out flyers.
2. I seek an ATM.
   Give me paper money please.

It sounds very long, but it's technically right. This is how you ask for a cashpoint or ATM.

1. Say taxi!
   Look like a cab driver.
2. Call me a cab.
   Warn me about bad cab companies.

This is how you ask someone to call you a cab. French culture is not notorious for service in this area, so do confirm the price ahead of time.

1. We are squashed.
   We are VERY squashed.
2. We want to squash you.
   We are very late.

Pressed for time? This is how you convey it in French.

1. What time are you going today?
   What weather is it today?
2. Who is here today?
   What day is today?

It's actually asking literally how the weather is going today. This is how the French like to ask

1. I'm fine.
   I'm ruling!
2. You rule!
   That rules!

Ça va? Ça va bien! How are you? I'm good! Ça roule is a way of saying this very colloquially.

1. Seen the person in a while.
   Called the person in a while.
2. Avoided the person successfully.
   Remembered their birthday.

This is the French version of "long time no see!" It doesn't necessarily mean you've been avoiding them, of course.

1. Afternoon
   Lunch
2. Morning
   Dinner

This is how you say "good afternoon." It's quite formal but very polite.

1. Bon voyage!
   Bonne chance!
2. Bonbon!
   Bon anniversaire!

Bonne chance means good luck. The others are good wishes for different circumstances: travel, birthday and a kind of candy.

1. I don't know.
   I don't like it.
2. I don't understand.
   That's stupid.

"I don't understand" in French conveniently looks just like the English "I don't comprehend". So next time you don't get it, you can say so in French.

1. Talk faster.
   Talk slower.
2. Walk slower.
   Hop on the spot.

It literally means "Could you speak more slowly"? You could also just say "lentement" if you can't remember the whole sentence.

1. Are you English?
   Do you speak English?
2. Do you like the English?
   What's wrong with the English?

To parley means to have a chat, so you can easily remember this French word. Of course, if they speak English, you can just ask them in English, and if they don't understand you, the answer is no.

1. Do you speak any languages other than French?
   Do you speak French?
2. Do you speak fluent French?
   Do you like the French?

Of course, if they DO speak a language besdies French, you can just ask them in that language. If they speak it, they'll reply!

1. What is the point of...
   What is the way to...
2. Who is the person to speak to about...
   What is the word for...

Just as "bon mot" means a witty remark in English now, a mot is a word. So if you want to know the word for something, this is how you ask.

1. Hello!
   Move your butt!
2. Excuse me?
   What is wrong with your nose?

Excusez-moi is so easy that it's barely even in a foreign language. In fact, if you say it to someone who speaks zero French, nine times out of 10 they'll understand you.

1. I'm desperate.
   I'm sorry.
2. I'm lonely.
   I'm so sad.

If you're "désolée," then you are sorry. Say this often in France; manners are valued there and it will ingratiate you with people. Say it twice as much in England, though (in English).

1. Thank you.
   No problem.
2. You're nice.
   I don't know.

Yep, our phrasing was a little cheeky here. If they said, "Merci", you replied, "De rien" meaning basically, "No biggie."

1. This woman is eating all my fries.
   This man will pay for all of it.
2. This man can't pay his bill.
   This man is creepy, could you get him away from me?

If the man is going to pay, then use this phrase. If he hasn't offered yet, then don't; we live in an age of equality and one cannot simply assume these things!

1. Are you going to die?
   What's the rash on your tummy?
2. Are you getting sicker faster than before?
   I hope you get well soon!

It's an elegant turn of phrase, for sure. Your sick friend will doubtless appreciate it!

1. Leave me alone!
   What's that?
2. Go away!
   I believe in free market!

This means literally "leave me in peace." In practice, it's how you say, "Leave me alone".

1. Exuberant enjoyment of life.
   Happiness and cleanliness.
2. Hedonism.
   A smiley face.

This phrase is basically English by now. It means a sunny, joyous disposition, to a point that isn't entirely justified by one's circumstances.

1. Happy holidays!
   Merry Christmas and happy New Year!
2. Happy birthday and half-birthday!
   Happy Halloween and Thanksgiving!

This is the traditional French greeting specifically for Christmas and the New Year. If you want to wish someone happy other holidays that happen around then, you need different words - though most French folks will naturally be very happy to get any such wishes!

1. What's does it cost?
   What did you order?
2. How much tax is there?
   How much should I tip?

This means "How much in total?" A pro tip; if you make an effort to speak French, however badly, this number may not be as high as if you don't even try.

1. Hi!
   Boo!
2. Call me!
   How are you?

"Salut" is an informal greeting. It's like saying "hi" or "hey" to your friend.

1. They'll come here.
   They'll go with you.
2. They'll smack me.
   They'll cry.

"Allez" is the straight up imperative here, meaning just "Go!" But "Allons-y" is inclusive, inviting them to come along ... let's go!

1. That I want to help.
   That nobody is able to help.
2. That I need help.
   That I have an aide.

This is how you say you need help. Of course, you may need to be more specific to get the exact help you need - but this is a great place to start.

1. Who's in the bathroom?
   Where is the bathroom?
2. Is that your perfume?
   Who did that horrible thing in the bathroom?

"Where is the bathroom" is one of those essential questions that you must never be without. Memorize this one if you don't know it!

1. I took the bus to church.
   I went to church, then sat on the bus.
2. I seek the bus.
   I hate the bus.

This means, "I'm looking for the bus." The truth is, tou cherche le bus for hours and then you trouve trois buses at once!

1. What's your name?
   What do you think?
2. What's your idea?
   How do you know?

This means "What's your name?" Literally it translates to "What do you call yourself?" It's polite to know this one!

1. Happy birthday!
   Condolences.
2. Congratulations!
   Don't worry!

This is a nice way to say "congratulations"! It's succinct and easy to remember, as it sounds like the English word "felicitous."

1. Look under the sink! There is a three-tailed snake!
   Look behind you! A three-headed monkey!
2. What's that tortoise doing and why is it laughing?
   Look in the kitchen! There are three dinner options!

This famous phrase hails from Monkey Island, an adventure game that was playable in French and German. Many kids of the '90s learned languages by playing it in English, then replaying it. That's why so many older Millennials can barely ask for a glass of water in French, but know how to warn about three-headed monkeys.

1. My business is succeeding wildly!
   My airplane is full of **** snakes!
2. My government is full of idiots!
   My hovercraft is full of eels.

This is from a famous Monty Python sketch about learning French. It's a very important phrase that French people use almost daily- OK, you'll probably never need it, but if you do need it, accept no substitutes.

1. One language is never enough!
   One eel is enough to fill a hovercraft!
2. One tongue is enough for any mouth!
   One langoustine is a fine meal!

One language is never enough! It's true! Now you've aced this quiz, you can agree with this statement without feeling anything but validated. Well done!