Go Golfing and We'll Guess What You Scored on Your Last Round!

Zoe Samuel

Image: University of the Fraser Valley

About This Quiz

For some people, a day at the golf course is a study in being bemused by the idea that you can legitimately call something a sport which is very often done in a pair of spats. However, for golf aficionados, it's the most marvelous way to spend an afternoon. You call up a couple of golf buddies or just pick up whoever is in the clubhouse and seems like they might be up for it. If you're a less mobile person, you book a golf cart; if not, perhaps you simply get a caddy or manage your own clubs. Then you set out into the sunshine - or if you are on a Scottish course, where the game was invented, into the drizzle - and prepare to show off your skills.

Golf is played over 18 holes, referred to as the front nine and the back nine. They are typically between a hundred and five hundred yards long, and involve a tee where you start, a fairway where you continue, and a green where you find the hole that marks the end. Either side of these will be all sorts of hazards like "the rough" (a place that your ball secretly really wants to be), woodland (a place that your ball will definitely go eventually), bunkers (oh, God), and lakes (don't even think about it). If you make it past all of these, you then have to contend with how many times you actually hit the ball, known as "strokes". If you did it in more than the course designers found necessary, you are "above par", which is a good thing in real life but not in golf. If you stayed "below par", then treat yourself to a drink! Let's see how you did...

What shoes are you wearing?

Who's with you?

How much of the course can people see from the clubhouse?

Did you have a drink beforehand?

If you have a bad day, does that mean you have a bad game?

How old are your clubs?

Are you caddying for yourself?

Is there an impatient golfer behind you whose game is slightly better than yours?

It's raining. What have you done to prepare for this?

You have gone into the rough. What do you do?

There is a bunker the size of the Grand Canyon on three sides of the green. You're 25 yards away. What club do you choose?

You are wearing tartan pants. What clan tartan are they?

When you swing your driver, what sound does it make?

You have such a bad shot that you impatiently hurl your club to the ground, whereupon it slides into a puddle. What do you do?

You are three strokes down and your friends are making fun of you. How's your mood?

Your friend's ball has gone into the rough. You really need to catch up a couple strokes. What do you do?

The sun has come out! How do you feel about that?

Your dog has broken their leash and dug a giant hole in the fairway. Everyone is furious with you. What will you do?

You've just been informed that everyone in the clubhouse secretly refers to you as Captain Hook. Do you embrace the nickname?

The military shows up on the next door shooting range and conducts a live fire exercise right over your noggin. What's your reaction?

You only have three hours. Do you push yourself to get in a cheeky back nine?

A golf cart is out of control and is heading for the lake! What's the first thing you do?

You realize on the 8th that you've been playing a ball that isn't yours. You realize this happened on the 7th, where you got a birdie. Do you confess?

On the 15th, you're feeling hungry! What snack did you bring?

You're down by 8 strokes and it's the 16th. Do you say "screw it" and throw the game?

You're having an amazing day but your partner is totally letting you down. What do you say to pep up their game?

You putt into the hole and are very shocked to discover a live snake curled up under the ball. Is this a good or a bad omen?

A literal birdie has ruined your birdie by flying into your line of sight just as you swung. Do you ask to take the shot again?

You have won, by a lot. How many people are going to hear about it?

You have lost, and not by a narrow margin. Who pays for drinks?

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