How Catholic Are You?

By: Zoe Samuel

How Catholic Are You?
Image: Hill Street Studios/Blend Images/Getty Images

About This Quiz

There are about 1.6 billion Catholics on the planet, making it the biggest religion by some hundreds of millions. The Catholic Church has an almost 2000-year history, dating back to the first pope, Saint Peter himself (he's the bouncer you'll meet at the pearly gates and must get past in order to get in). The history of the church has been scarred by schisms, including the Reformation begun by monk Martin Luther, when splinter groups broke off and then grew into rival Christian denominations such as Anglicans, Presbyterians, Protestants, Puritans and today's Evangelicals. However, the Catholic Church was undeterred, expanding into new territories in advance - or sometimes in the rearguard - of the new age of Empires. As Spain and France in particular extended their reach, so did the church, converting much of Africa and almost all of South America. Meanwhile Catholics in the USA began as a smaller group, though now they are 70 million strong - that's nearly a third of the population.

Despite the profoundly hierarchical nature of the church, being Catholic means different things to different people: the vast majority of Catholics in developed countries use contraception, for example. However, whether they go to every service or not, keep all the rules or not, or accept all the elements of the theology or not, they are all part of the Church - more or less! Let's see how you fit in.

Catholic means literally "all-embracing". Do you love everyone?
Of course, including animals
I really, really try.
Not really
I hate everyone.

Advertisement

How many saints can you name?
Over 150
Over 10
2-10
2

Advertisement

Other than when stuck in traffic, at imminent risk of death, or sick, how often do you pray?
Thrice a day
Daily
Weekly
Never

Advertisement

Do you believe in miracles?
Of course
I want to.
Not really
LOL no

Advertisement

Do you live like you'd like to be beatified?
That'd be amazing!
I try!
Not really
What is that?

Advertisement

How many saint figurines or candles are in your house?
Over 10
Over 5
Just one
None

Advertisement

How much iconography can you recognize in your church?
All of it
Half of it
A little of it
Just Jesus

Advertisement

Do you know the name of your archbishop?
Yes, we're friends.
Yes
No
What is an archbishop?

Advertisement

When is the last time you made confession?
Yesterday
Last week
Last year
More than 10 years ago

Advertisement

Were you baptized?
Of course.
Yes, it'd be very surprising if I wasn't.
I think so.
I don't care.

Advertisement

Have you been confirmed?
Of course, at 13 - I loved it.
Yes, it was a bore but I did it.
Yes, under protest.
No.

Advertisement

How often do you go to church?
More than twice a week
At least a few times a month
A couple times a year
Never except weddings and funerals

Advertisement

How many lovely big church hats do you own?
More than 5
Just 2
Just 1 fascinator
None

Advertisement

Can you translate "benedictus benedicat"?
It means "may the blessed one bless us".
It means "not everyone has food, so appreciate this".
It means "thanks for dinner".
It means "Benedict is Benedicting all over the place".

Advertisement

What's the right response to your priest saying, "May the Lord be with you"?
And with your spirit
And also with you
And you
THERE IS NO GOD.

Advertisement

What is it called when the bread and wine become the literal body and blood of Christ?
Transubstantiation
Communion
Confirmation
Sacrament

Advertisement

Do you know how to say a kyrie eleison?
Yes, like a pro.
No but I can do some responsive stuff if the priest starts me off.
I used to.
What is that?

Advertisement

When do you say, "Habemus papam!"?
When the cardinals elect a new pope
When the pope visits
When the pope is healthy
When the pope dies

Advertisement

Have you ever considered taking up holy orders?
Yes actually, it sounds like a lot less stress.
I don't think they would want me.
Not really
LOL no

Advertisement

What is St. Thomas Aquinas known for?
Coming up with Natural Law
Scholasticism
Dying for the church I guess?
Finding a watch that one time

Advertisement

If you make confession, are you all good?
No, you have to make good with the person you hurt.
Only if you mean it.
Yes, that's the point, isn't it?
No, it's just meaningless.

Advertisement

Have you ever been to midnight Mass?
Yes, every year!
Once or twice, it was actually cool.
Once, and it was so dull.
Of course not

Advertisement

Do you say Matins every day?
Yes, I wake up early.
Only if I'm up
I usually miss it.
I don't know what that is.

Advertisement

Do you eat meat on Fridays?
Nope, that's against the rules.
Only if someone gives it to me
Only once in a while
Of course, why wouldn't I?

Advertisement

Why might you take hand sanitizer to church?
Because you're going to shake a lot of hands during the Sign of the Peace.
Because you don't know who else has been in there.
Because you DO know who else has been in there.
You shouldn't, you can just clean your hands in the font - right?

Advertisement

Would you baptize your children?
Of course, or they will go to hell.
Yeah ... just in case, you know?
Of course, I'll never hear the end of it otherwise.
No, it's a silly ritual.

Advertisement

How do you feel about birth control?
It's evil.
It's against the rules, technically, but I use it.
It's actually within the rules because having back-to-back babies is bad for your health and the babies' health.
It's a personal choice and no God worth the name cares if you use it.

Advertisement

Have you ever successfully given anything up for Lent?
Yes, every year I give up many things.
Nothing huge, but yes.
Chocolate, and I slipped.
No, because I never tried.

Advertisement

Do you believe in Natural Law?
Of course, it is godly.
It is one viable theory of morality.
It's mostly nonsense.
It's patriarchal bull****.

Advertisement

Have you ever had an ash cross on your forehead?
I have one right now! Just kidding, only on Ash Wednesdays.
A few times, yes.
Only once, it was annoying.
No, why would I?

Advertisement

You Got:

Featured