How Competitive Are You, Really?

By: Zoe Samuel

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Competition is part of human nature. From the Olympics of the ancient Greeks to today's football championships, competition has been the driver of all human development. The age of empires is what drove European expansion and what we now have in globalization. The gilded age is what drove robber barons to build towering skyscrapers, huge bridges, and even libraries they could slap their names on. Without competition, we would not have Facebook, Google, the space program, or a map of DNA.

Competition need not always be between people. The deadly Isle of Man TT motorcycle race, which draws the top talent in the sport, is a race against time. Scientists often race against time and other scientists as they race to publish their research. Entrepreneurs race to get their businesses ready to roll out, worried that market conditions or customers' needs could change. In ultramarathons, runners compete against each other, the clock, and the unforgiving environments they run in, like the wastes of Africa or Iceland.

So how competitive are you really? Would you give up your life savings and time to build a business that will outlast you? Would you run your legs to bloody stumps to win an insane foot race? Deep down, when you think about it, how competitive are you really?

How do you take losing?

I don't even pause
I feel terrible and curse in private, then I soldier on
I make a joke at my own expense to hide that I do feel a little funny
I shrug and/or laugh

How hard do you train for competitions?

I train like an Olympic athlete. On steroids.
I train hard. Five days a week, easily.
I train a few days a week.
I do a minimal amount of training.

Do you play a sport?

Yes, I play soccer.
I play football.
I play baseball.
I don't play a sport.

At dinner, when your favorite dish is running out and other people are eating it, do you try to out-eat them?

I will have all the chocolate!
I do try to squeeze in another helping if I can.
I cherry pick the good bits.
No, I just enjoy my portion.

Under what circumstances would you cheat at cards?

If it was a day ending in the letter "Y".
If my kids' educations were riding on it.
If my life savings were riding on it.
I would never cheat at cards.

How rabid a sports fan are you?

I'm like a rabid bat.
I wear the most obnoxious sports paraphernalia I own. To bed.
I go to games wearing all the gear.
I don't wear a jersey or hat, even to games.

Have you ever considered cheating at a team sport?

Only considered?
I did a couple times cheat when I played baseball.
I have considered it, when the opportunity presents itself.
No, that's not sportsmanlike.

Have you ever sabotaged a work colleague?

Just one?
Shh! I don't want them to know!
I did once, sort of by accident.
No, never. That's not on.

If you were playing a game with someone's child, would you let them win?

No. They have to learn from an early age that nothing comes for free.
Sometimes, but not if it's something they really don't know how to do.
Usually, unless I'm having a bad day.
Of course I'd let the child win. What disgusting behavior!

When you drive somewhere, do you feel affronted when someone passes you on the motorway?

Yes. They are inherently making me slower.
A bit. If they go slowly, it drives me nuts.
I just hate it when I get overtaken in slow traffic.
I don't mind. We're all going to get where we are going.

Do you view queueing as a race?

Yes. I will change lanes at the supermarket like I'm driving at Le Mans.
Yes, and I delight when my line moves faster.
I have my spouse stand on another line so we can switch into whichever line moves faster.
No.

Do you ever challenge your peers to an arm wrestling match?

All the time. Check out these guns!
Only when they get in my face and deserve to lose.
A couple times a year.
Very rarely.

Do you ever plot your career like you're planning the siege of Leningrad?

Yes. Every move is planned out long in advance.
Only when I'm planning a major move.
I plan, but I don't plan to that extent.
I'm just working my way up the ladder.

Do people often ask you to calm down?

What? You want me to calm down too? I'm calm! I'm totally calm! Look at how calm I am!
When I get really worked up, it has happened.
Occasionally, but not often.
No, I'm pretty chill.

Do you ever think you would be a great soldier?

Of course. I'd be Sun Tzu.
I think I could do the job. How hard could it be?
Sometimes, when I see what life is like day to day in the military.
No, I have better things to do.

Do you have a favorite host from The Grand Tour?

Clarkson, of course.
The Hamster is my guy.
May is the man.
No, I prefer Top Gear.

Do you ever find yourself shouting at the television?

Isn't that what televisions are for?
Often, when I hear something I don't agree with.
Only with political shows.
No, what would be the point of that?

Do you ever get competitive about how your pet is the best pet?

Of course. My cat rules the world.
Yes, around other pets of the same type.
My dog is the best at cuddling.
No.

Do you worry about keeping up with the Joneses with regards to your home?

Yes. My home is so ostentatious, Pope Alexander VI would blush.
I try to have all the latest in expensive luxuries.
I always make sure my windows and shingles look gorgeous.
I just mow my lawn.

When you host parties, are you trying to outdo everyone else's parties?

Of course. I get the best food, the best drink, and the best entertainment.
I tend to pick one aspect of the party to really do up.
I just try to attract the best guests.
I don't bother.

Do you wear the most expensive clothes you can find?

Of course, with the logo proudly displayed.
I do, and I go for brands no one knows about.
I just wear the most stylish clothes I can lay my hands on, price be damned.
I don't bother with that.

Do you rank the TV shows you watch?

Of course. "Game of Thrones" is the current champion.
I do, but in pairs.
I rank them, but only the top three.
I don't rank them.

Do you work in a profession that is inherently competitive?

Yes, it's absolutely cut-throat.
It's got a pro-competitive incentive structure.
There are some good rewards for performance above and beyond the call of duty.
No, I'm a communist.

Do you watch professional wrestling as though it is a real sport?

It is a real sport.
Yes, while I'm watching, it's real.
No, I just enjoy it for what it is.
No, I don't watch it.

What's the most competitive workout routine you do?

I box.
I fence.
I row.
I run.

Do you refer to your local sports team as "we" and not "them"?

Of course. We win all the championships.
Sometimes, when I'm talking to other fans.
Occasionally, but then I usually catch myself.
No, never. That's childish.

Do you golf?

Every weekend, and sometimes during the week.
A couple times a month.
One a month maybe.
I don't golf.

When you fail at something, how much do you curse?

I curse nonstop for an hour.
I curse loudly and colorfully.
I curse a couple times.
I don't curse at all.

Does your competitive streak extend to your kids or your proteges?

Of course! My kids will be champions!
I like to see them do well, and I will cheerlead for them.
I don't want to push them too hard.
I don't mind if they win or not.

Do you secretly love it when your train overtakes someone else's train?

I make no secret of it. I point and laugh.
I smile broadly.
Yes, I secretly love it.
I don't care.

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