How Handsome Are You?

By: Zoe Samuel

How Handsome Are You?
Image: Delmaine Donson/E+/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Beautiful men, as the sitcom "30 Rock" shows us, are put in a bubble where people assume they are smart, have good motives, and are good at things, even when they're not. True beauty is found within, it's true - but society does truly enjoy rewarding the kind of beauty that is found on the outside.

Fortunately, beauty is a very subjective standard that adjusts with time. Men are expected to be more or less bulky and brawny; more or less hirsute or hairless; a little finer-featured or more strongly-featured. It's a matter of cultural preference what's in style, and it's also a matter of personal taste. Some people prefer tattoos; others hate them. Some people adore a tall and lanky man while others love a stocky and short one. Some people adore a good head of hair and others think baldness is super sexy. That means that no matter what kind of man you are, there's a woman or a man out there who thinks you are beautiful - and you can work with that!

Handsomeness, of course, is a particular kind of beauty that usually stays in style, and that people can agree is pretty even if they aren't personally into it. It's characterized by a set of criteria that not all men can meet, but that any man who does meet will benefit from almost irrespective of the culture. That's the kind of beauty we're here to look into - so if you don't have it, no biggie, because you probably have one of the other kinds. If you do, though, it's time to make that official!

Have you ever caused a car crash with your looks?
Yes, two Frenchmen crashed into each other in Paris while staring at me but they didn't seem to mind.
I'm pretty sure not.
No.
Yes, once I scared someone so badly they drove into a tree.

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Have you ever been scouted by a modeling or acting agency?
Yes, many times. I had an agent for a while.
Just once, on Instagram
LOL no
Only as a prank

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Were you ever cast as the lead in the school play?
Yes, which is weird because I can't act.
Once. It was cool.
Nope
No, I was always the weird animal sidekick.

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Do people sometimes think you're flirting when you're just being nice?
Daily
Not really
No
Yes, sometimes, actually

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Did you find yourself able to talk your way out of anything?
Sometimes just smiling is enough.
Yes, usually
Nope
It radically depends on the situation and whether humor will help.

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Do you feel the need to be funny?
I want to be but I never had to be.
No
I hope to be funny.
If I were not funny my life would be literal hell.

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What percentage of the people you ask out say yes?
25%
15%
10%
5%

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Did you ever honestly feel like your looks were a burden?
Sometimes people assume I'm the boss when I'm not, but that's not really a burden.
Occasionally because people don't take me seriously.
Nope
All the time because people assume I am ugly and therefore also stupid (thanks, Hollywood!).

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How often do you work out?
Five days a week
Three days a week
I do sports instead of working out properly.
I don't.

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Do looks matter?
I mean... yeah.
Of course not!
Not too much, but a bit.
Nobody knows more than me that they do.

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Who would play you in a movie?
Paul Newman
D. B. Woodside
Robert Downey Jr.
Danny DeVito

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Have you ever been paid money, in any way, for how you look?
Yes, I did some modeling.
I was in an ad as a kid.
No, that's weird.
I actually was asked to do stock photography and made $50 posing for Getty Images' collection of "Hideous man leers at people" pics.

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Do you get solicited for sex by people you don't know?
It has happened many times.
It happened a few times, yes
Once. It was awesome. I didn't do it, but it was just so nice.
Not since I sprouted all this hair.

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Do you find sometimes people you date get really jealous of all the attention you get?
Yes, it drives us both nuts.
Yes, it drives at least one of us nuts.
Not unless they're really insecure.
Not unless they are literally insane and imagining things.

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What rating do people typically give you?
9-10
8, I think?
6-7
I'm a 5 on a good day.

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If you jiggle your abs for a moment then take your hand away, how long before they stop jiggling?
Instantly
A few seconds
A while
They are still jiggling from the last time I did that.

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Did you have braces?
Yes, at age 13
Yes, twice actually
I didn't really need them.
If I did, it wasn't enough.

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Did you come from a family that could afford good food and medical care growing up?
Yes, we were affluent.
Not really
No
LOL absolutely no

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Did you ever discover years after the fact that something you thought you did well (e.g. cook a meal, give a speech) was actually a disaster that everyone hated?
A few times. It sucks, people should just be honest.
I don't think so but now I'm worrying that's going to happen.
No, if I blow it, I know it.
Nope

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Has anyone ever laughed at the idea that you intend to be faithful to your (future) boo forever?
Yes, they all think I am a terrible player.
A little
Only douchebags who are themselves cheaters - I think.
No, they know once I get a ring on it I'm not messing it up for anything.

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Even though 100% of people are rejected more than they're accepted, are you still slightly surprised when it happens?
A little, yes. You get on a roll and then, bam!
Not really
Definitely no
I am flabbergasted when I am not rejected.

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Do people just assume you're good at sports, even if you're really a big nerd who hates all sports?
Yes, it's so weird. Thank goodness for my LARP friends.
Well, I am good at sports, but it is weird how they assume.
Nobody thinks that.
Actually the opposite for me.

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Do you feel kinda like you should have a super hot guy/gal for your arm?
Yes, and it's easy to do - you'd be amazed how few people talk to beautiful men and women like they are people.
"Should" is going a bit far.
As long as they're nice and attractive to me, I don't care if they are "super hot" to others.
Yes, obviously, any woman who is not a 10 is invisible to me.

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Have you ever had any cosmetic surgery?
I haven't felt any need.
I might when I get older...
I've thought about it.
What's the point, it won't help.

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Do you feel comfortable naked with the lights on?
Man, I barely wear clothes when we don't have people over.
Sure, why not?
Not really
No, I wear a shirt at the pool.

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What reaction do people typically give when they look at you naked for the first time?
Gleeful
Pleased
A nice nod
Acceptance; they knew before they saw.

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Have you ever spotted yourself on some blog or Instagram that's just creepy pictures of cute guys around the city you live in?
Yes, it was so weird, all my friends suddenly sent it to me.
God, I hope not.
No
I was once on one of those for something I wore, does that count?

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Do you find the standard sizes in men's clothing fit you (or if they don't, that the issue is primarily your height)?
That, and sometimes they fit my height but are too big around the tummy, as if they expected someone that tall to be fatter.
Usually, yes.
Yes, they fit.
No, I use unusual sizes.

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How tall are you, roughly?
6'3
6'0
5'10
Under 5'7

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Do people sometimes assume you're a total prick when you're actually a softie inside?
Constantly
Sometimes
No
More than you'd think, actually

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You Got:

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