How Many Justin Biebers Could You Take in a Fight?

By: Zoe Samuel

How Many Justin Biebers Could You Take in a Fight?
Image: Wiki Commons by Miami Beach Police Department / PhotoObjects.net / GeorgePeters / Getty Images Plus / DigitalVision Vectors / Getty Images

About This Quiz

Justin Bieber may be primarily known as a crooning Canadian who hit it big when a record executive spotted his videos on YouTube, but— as Justin Bieber himself has noted — he always loves generating controversy ... and what better way to gin up the media than to promise to get into a fight with the biggest movie star in the world? That's right, in summer 2019, Bieber made waves by offering to fight Tom Cruise, saying that he was sure he could beat him. After all, Bieber has a track record of getting into fights, as he was once involved in a short brawl after a Cavaliers game in Cleveland. However, when the prospect of a real-life charity fight was mooted, he suddenly agreed that Cruise would probably "whoop [his] ass", which is wise, since he was rather swiftly knocked down in Cleveland.

However, now that the threat of being dragged into a Bieber brawl has been levied against no less a man than Tom Cruise, clearly none of us can assume that we will never find ourselves going toe-to-toe with the man himself. It is thus important to ask yourself that vital question — could you beat Justin Bieber in a fight, if you really had to? Could you beat more than one of him? It's time to find out.

Twice a day
Most days
3-4 times a week
Never

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Question 2 Would you have a problem with actually fighting Justin Bieber?
No. I love a good fight!
Not if he started it
Not if it was for charity
Yes. Fighting is wrong.

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Question 3 How do feel about the inevitable wrath of the Beliebers, in the event that you land a blow?
Bring it on, Beliebers!
I am OK with that.
I fear it a little.
I hadn't thought of that. I'm scared.

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Question 4 Do you have any martial arts training?
Yes, I have 26 black belts.
I have a brown belt and I box!
I took a self-defense class in college.
Nope

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Question 5 Are you willing to sign the very long legal consent form you'd need to sign?
My lawyers already have a copy ready to go!
Yes, in triplicate if I must.
If I'm paid, yes.
No. I hate legal documents.

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Question 6 If you ever went on "American Ninja Warrior," how do you think you would do?
I'd definitely win.
I'd complete the course.
I'd fall off on the fourth obstacle.
I would fall off on the second obstacle and injure my shoulder.

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Question 7 Are you fast on your feet?
Yes, like the Flash!
Yes, like Usain Bolt!
I'm above average.
No, I'm slow.

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Question 8 Could you bear to spend the necessary time on gossip websites to taunt Bieber accurately?
I love all those sites!
I guess I could swing it.
If I had to, I'd try.
No. Those sites are poison to the soul.

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Question 9 If someone asked you how many tattoos Justin Bieber has, how close would you get?
I know it's 42.
I think it is in the 30s.
I've heard it is in the teens.
I believe he has a single tattoo covering his whole back, depicting Selena Gomez and him getting married.

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Question 10 Do you know who originally discovered Justin Bieber?
Scooter Braun
Usher
Ellen Degeneres
I think he just came up the usual way.

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Question 11 What venue will you choose for the fight?
The UFC ring
A cramped cave system
A hotel lobby in Cleveland
I will let him choose.

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Question 12 What would you do to distract Bieber mid-fight?
Look over his shoulder and say, "Hey Usher, what's up?"
Suddenly make a high-pitching ululating sound
Tell him Selena Gomez's new baby looks like him
I would run away very fast.

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Question 13 The Biebs is only 5'9". How tall are you?
6'3" or taller
Between 5'10" and 6'2"
Between 5'6" and 5'9"
Under 5'6"

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Question 14 What videogame will you use to psych yourself up?
Grand Theft Auto
Halo
Red Dead Redemption
The Sims

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Question 15 Which instrument will you use as your weapon?
Piano
Drums
Guitar
Trumpet

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Question 16 What will you bring with you to trigger Bieber's hayfever, thus weakening him at the crucial moment?
Ragweed. It's the most pollen-producing plant of all.
A bale of hay!
A bunch of roses!
That's cheating. I don't play like that.

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Question 17 Rumor has it that Justin Bieber is claustrophobic. How will you use this phobia against him?
I'm huge so I'll just tower over him.
I will hold the fight in a small space.
I will wear one of those wingman suits, thus making him feel like he is in an enclosed space whenever I spread out my limbs.
I feel like this idea is not in the spirit of the charity fight I had imagined.

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Question 18 What will you wear for the fight?
Nothing. That'll freak him out.
A collage made of magazine clippings of his ex-girlfriends
Head to toe bodysuit in bright green, so that people can easily replace me with King Kong in the video.
Shorts and a tank top

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Question 19 You can choose the weapons, but they must be edible. What will you choose?
Coconuts
Pineapples
Very large carrots
Baguettes

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Question 20 What is your fighting slogan?
"Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!"
"Once you're in the NWA, you're in the NWA for life!"
"Nobody can hurt me without my permission."
"He who fights and runs away is wasting good running time with all that fighting."

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Question 21 How will you persuade Tom Cruise to cheer for you?
I won't. I'll fight him next.
Offer to cast him in a movie that will finally get him the Oscar.
Remind him that Bieber threatened to fight him.
Offer him a free refueling for his many jets.

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Question 22 What sound will you make when you attack?
A ninja-like scream
I will be silent and deadly.
A lion-like roar
A frog-like croak of terror

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Question 23 When you meet ahead of the fight, how will you unsettle your opponent?
I will just stare him down.
I will sing his songs very badly.
I will bring the key players in his many scandals with me.
I will not try any such shenanigans!

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Question 24 Which rule of fighting clean will you break in order to ensure a swift victory?
I will go for the face.
I will go for the gentleman's area.
I will tickle.
I will not break any rules.

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Question 25 How much can you bench?
250lbs or more
150-250lbs
Over 100lbs
About 26lbs, but it's trending upward

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Question 26 Would you consider yourself a fan of Justin Bieber?
Definitely not
Not really
I don't feel strongly either way.
Yes. I am the truest Belieber.

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Question 27 Why would you agree to fight Justin Bieber in the first place?
Fun
Charity
He asked nicely.
I had no choice.

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Question 28 How will you distract Bieber's bodyguards?
I would ask them to let us have a fair fight.
I would pay them off.
I would warn them that I saw a gang of paparazzi down the street then try to complete the fight before they come back.
I wouldn't. I would pray they'll intervene quickly.

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Question 29 What is your trick for getting around the hordes of screaming teens who will defend Bieber with their lives?
I will turn them against him by claiming he is a lookalike.
I will distract them with my own remarkable singing skills and good looks.
I will tell them that Bieber promised we could have the fight and they wouldn't want to disappoint him.
I'm not going up against his fans. If they show up, I forfeit.

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Question 30 To what charity will you donate your winnings from the fight?
Education for children
Dogs for the disabled
Cancer research
Animal rights

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You Got:

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