How Moral Is Your Inner Soul?

By: Zoe Samuel

How Moral Is Your Inner Soul?
Image: sutiporn somnam/Moment/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Societies have always broadly agreed on some aspects of morality. For example, it's pretty universal that it's wrong to hurt someone and that you ought to try to be nice to people until or unless they give you a reason to suppose that they deserve other treatment. Most of us are not too rigid about the rules; however, we recognize that there are always exceptions. It may be wrong to steal, but if it is the only way to feed a starving child, we would mostly be willing to overlook it.

How we approach morality is thus partly innate, partly cultural and partly situational. Some of us are outstanding people in one culture but might be considered really quite naughty in another. Some of the things people do are criminal acts but are, in fact, very moral. It's even possible for something to be fully legal and absolutely evil; many of the worst atrocities in history fit this description.

A person's morality is a question of how they feel about all of these questions, and what they do in situations where doing the moral thing flies in the face of social pressure and what is "convenient." Are you prepared to look the other way, or will you rise to the occasion? Take this quiz and find out!

A new client asks for a quote. You say, "$500." They assume it was a typo for "$5,000" - and say yes! Do you ever tell them?
I tell them before they sign. It's the right thing to do.
I tell them ... years later.
I never tell them.
I not only don't tell them, but I also raise my rates for all clients.

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What animal do you relate do the hardest, morally speaking?
Worker bee
Dog
Snake
Cat

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What obligation do the strong have to the weak?
To protect them!
To not take advantage ... too much
None
To not eat them, and beat up other strong people who do.

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You're offered a massive raise and a promotion but you'll be working on the tobacco company's account. Do you take it?
No. Tobacco companies are bad.
Yes, but only until I have a choice.
Yes. Money's money, bro.
Yes, but I do a bad job on purpose.

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Your lonely grandma asks when you'll be in town. You'll be there Wednesday for work, but you've been offered tickets to a super cool gig. Do you see Grandma?
Of course I see Grandma!
I see Grandma then go to the gig late.
Screw Grandma.
I take Grandma to the gig.

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Which moral theory do you find most compelling?
Kantian ethics - if it's wrong in one situation, it's wrong in all.
Utilitarianism - the greatest happiness for the greatest number.
Enlightened self-interest. It lets me justify literally anything!
Cultural relativism - what's right for you may not be right for me.

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You find out that your (male) friend's wife cheated. She's pregnant and it might not be his. Do you tell?
I tell her to tell, or I will.
No. It might not be his. He might know. They might reconcile. Too much can go wrong here.
Nah. None of my business.
Only if the pregnancy is confirmed

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In school, did you ever cheat on a test?
No
No, but I let a friend cheat off me.
Yes, constantly - without telling the person I was copying.
Yes, but only with the consent of the person whose work I stole.

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Your colleague has been stealing things from the office. Are you going to rat them out?
I give them a chance to put it back first.
Only if they are stealing big things
Only if I might be blamed
Only if they are stealing stuff I wish I had stolen

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You've been given credit at work for someone else's idea. The someone else in question is a bully who once stole your idea. Do you speak up?
I speak up.
I let this one go. They had it coming.
Of course I don't speak up. My plan has worked!
I speak up but only after it's too late to affect anything.

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Would you rather get a bad punishment for something you did do or a light punishment for something you didn't do?
Bad punishment that I deserve
Depends what I did
Light punishment
Depends how bad the bad one is!

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You check in for a romantic weekend. You were mistaken for a guest with the same last name and put in their huge suite. It's all pre-paid, and it turns out the other guest isn't coming. Will you correct them?
Yes. I didn't pay for a suite.
No. They already wrote off the money.
Absolutely not, and I also eat the entire minibar.
Probably not, but I tip incredibly well!

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You run over a cat. It's wearing a collar. Nobody saw you. Do you call the number on the collar?
Of course - and I confess.
Yes, but I tell them I found the cat like that.
Nope. I skedaddle pronto.
Yes, but not until I'm away from the scene.

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What's the number one way that you undertake your civic duty?
Volunteering
Voting
Not committing most crimes
Paying tax

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A ghost is haunting your apartment. You hire an exorcist when the ghost tells you it just wants to stay long enough to complete a mission. What mission is a good enough reason to let it stay?
Whatever it needs - and I'll help!
Finding its murderer
This is my apartment, and that ghost isn't paying rent. I'm going ahead with the exorcism.
Making sure its family is OK.

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You cooked for your friend and used a chicken bouillon cube. During the meal, your friend mentions that they're actually a vegan. Do you mention the chicken?
Yes. They have a right to know.
No. They should have told me sooner.
No. I made dinner for them and they can damn well appreciate it.
Yes, but a few days later because I don't want to ruin the evening.

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At work, it's your turn to make the drinks. Everyone wants coffee, but you want hot chocolate. There's enough milk for five cups of coffee or one cup of hot chocolate. What do you do?
I make the coffees.
I check whether anyone wants black coffee.
Make the hot chocolate, duh.
Make lots of coffees and just have coffee that day.

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You ordered a $40 pair of jeans and the company sent you four pairs by mistake. Do you keep them?
No. That's dishonest.
I don't really need four pairs, but yes, I keep them. I'm poor, man.
I send back three and ask for a refund on all three. Free money!
I keep one.

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You and your friend are up for the same job. Your friend has a small white lie on their resume. Do you shank them?
No
Yes, but anonymously.
Obviously
I consider who needs the job more, then decide.

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You're selling your apartment. You have the neighbor from hell but they were away on the day of the open house. You have an offer. What's your next step?
Tell them!
Take the offer but use some of the money to insulate the wall.
Take the offer.
Bribe my neighbor with a little of the offer money to be nice when they first move in.

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After a great phone interview, you've been offered your dream job. You arrive and discover they meant to hire another person with the exact same name! Do you confess?
Yes
Only if I think I'll be found out
Obviously not. My doppelganger's loss is my gain.
I do a great job and wait a month, then confess as if I just realized. By that point, it'll be too late to fix it.

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A beloved mother of six is very ill, and the only person whose liver is a match refuses to donate. Livers regenerate, so they could help with relatively low risk. You find the donor passed out. Do you take their liver?
No. You can't just take people's livers.
Of course. It'll regenerate.
I hit them on the head until they are in a coma. That way, I can take all their organs. That's like, $150K worth of organs. Also, I rob them.
I not only take their liver, but I also take a kidney too, just in case someone needs it.

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You do a magic trick for a guy at a party and now he believes you have real magic powers. Do you tell him?
Yes
Depends on whether he is nice to me.
Nope. I want to see what I can get him to do!
No. I don't take advantage, though.

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You billed your client for an estimated 30 hours. The job took 40. You know they'd pay but they're a startup and it might cripple them. Do you eat the difference?
I said 30, I get 30. Better to eat the 10 than risk killing off a good client.
I charge for 30 but tell them and let them decide.
I tell them it took 40 and refuse to deliver until I get 40.
I charge for what we agreed but raise my rates going forward to eventually make it up over a period.

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Your childhood bully is being dragged for racist harassment on Twitter - but they're not a racist, they just got mistaken for one. You have a huge following and could call off the hounds. Do you do it?
Of course I call off the hounds. Nobody deserves that!
Not until it's been a few days of justice for them.
Heck no. I publicly announce that they are in fact, a racist, and try to get the hounds to tear them harder.
I DM them and if they apologize to me, then I call off the hounds.

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Your friend is a doormat who would give you the shirt off their back. It's really cold. Do you take their coat?
No! Then they will be cold!
Only if they insist
Of course I do. Why else make friends with a doormat?
I suggest we alternate.

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You find a "50% off" tag on the floor of your favorite store. You could afford the perfect jacket if this tag were on it. Do you give it a shot?
No. That's a lie.
Yes. If it isn't the right tag for the jacket then it won't scan anyway.
Yes. I want the jacket.
I try if it is a big chain store, but not if it is a little indie store.

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You kindly made cookies for the family reunion and now everyone is puking. You realize you undercooked the dough. It's your fault! Do you confess?
Yes. It's my fault!
I tell one person to gauge their reaction.
I blame grandma. She's senile anyway; they'll believe she did it.
I confess a few weeks later when everyone is fine, and they won't be mad.

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You find a wallet with various cards and $200 cash. What do you do?
Return it as is.
Take the cash, but try really hard to return the rest.
Take the cash. Someone will return the rest.
Find out whether the owner is rich, then make a call on whether to keep the cash.

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Your friend asks if she looks good in that outfit. She doesn't. What do you say?
Tell her, but only if there's time to change outfits.
Say sure. She's my friend.
Say yes. It's not my problem!
Tell her. I have to save her from herself.

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