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Yep, that's really what it says -- only in Latin. Top that, Norris.

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While not a serious plan to blast stuff into space, Newton did devise a powerful orbital cannon (atop an enormous mountain) as a thought experiment on the physics of gravity.

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While various tales of Newton's dog Diamond emerged in the years following the inventor's death, the stories were themselves inventions.

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While it's certainly a contested detail in Newton's life, some accounts claim that he cut holes for both cat and kitten in his office door at Cambridge.

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He sure did. The greatest minds in history had struggled over the physics of motion, but Newton cleared it all up with the likes of "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."

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While many of the great inventors dabbled in mechanical automatons, Newton was too busy laying the groundwork for our modern understanding of physics to build fake Newtons.

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Like many great minds of the 17th century, Newton explored the cryptic chemistry and occultism found in alchemy.

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Yes, Newton's many lab notes indicate that his interest in alchemy went far beyond mere chemical curiosity. He actually sought inhuman power.

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As far as we know, Newton never used alchemy to create squat, little artificial humanoids to do his bidding.

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True! While studying independently during an outbreak of plague, Newton needed a mathematical means to calculate problems that involved changing variables. There wasn't one, so he invented it. Really.

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Newton didn't spend much time in the kitchen, otherwise he just might have devised this 20th-century invention himself.

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Don't be silly! Newton was too busy studying alchemy and theology for such nonsense, but he did determine that rainbows were refracted and reflected light.

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Newton actually invented the reflecting telescope, which improved upon the old refracting design through the use of mirrors.

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As Warden at the Royal Mint, Newton made it his business to root out counterfeiters in person. He wore disguises. He brought criminals to justice. He was essentially Batman.

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While this may have worked, Newton instead created milled edges on the edge of coins to prevent criminals from clipping the silver.

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Giants do not exist, so Newton didn't have to subdue them. However, he did modestly state, "If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."

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That's how it happened. Newton believed the Bible contained coded secrets about the universe -- and that he was more than up to the task of decoding them.

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Don't be silly. The world won't end until at least 2060, according to Newton's calculations.

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That's right. Not only did NASA require a Newtonian understanding of gravity, the agency also needed calculus to plot the course.

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Newton and Norris never met, since their lives were separated by centuries and their mighty handshake would have caused the universe to collapse on itself with awesomeness.