Plan a Royal Wedding, and We'll Reveal the One Thing You're Really Looking for in a Relationship

By: Zoe Samuel

Plan a Royal Wedding, and We'll Reveal the One Thing You're Really Looking for in a Relationship
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

One of the really silly features of modern life is the amount of energy and time that people put into weddings. Far too many people claim they simply can't afford to get married, when in fact it would only cost them a couple hundred bucks maximum to pop down to the registry office and fill out the paperwork. 

Indeed, marriage is one of the most democratic institutions in existence, genuinely open to people of any means whether great or small. What they really mean, of course, is they can't afford an incredibly flashy and expensive wedding.

Those who enjoy loving and successful marriages know that the wedding isn't the marriage; it's not about the dress or the cake or the gifts. That said, how you do the wedding does matter. It's not the only thing that matters, but it is a chance to state to your community that you want their support in building your new family. 

If you are from two different backgrounds, it's a chance to state how you intend to blend them together. It's a chance to welcome people into your lives who might have been absent for some time. This goes double if you have a big family (whether genetic or chosen). It goes a hundred times over if you're staging a public wedding and marrying a prince. So, let's see what statements your wedding will make, and that might shine some light on your ideal relationship!

What sort of dress will you wear?
Traditional with a train
Sleek gown
Mermaid gown
Huge puffball

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What will the groom wear?
Uniform
Uniform plus sword
Suit
Morning suit

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How many guests will there be?
500
300
200
1,200

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What will the cake look like?
White tiers of cake.
Geometric and cool.
Little individual cakes.
Big enough for a person to hide.

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Will you change for the reception?
Yes, into something plain.
Yes, into something practical.
Nah, I'll just bustle the train of my dress.
Yes, into another magnificent huge gown.

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What jewelry will you wear?
Tiara
Necklace
Flowers only
Diamonds on every part of my body!

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How will you wear your hair?
Chignon
Loose coils pinned up
Partly up
Massive bouffant

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How many flower girls will you have?
3
8
16
24

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If your ring-bearer forgets his job, what will you do?
Have someone assigned to intervene.
Laugh.
Remind him gently.
Be embarrassed.

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Did you vet the speeches for quality and length?
More for profanity.
Yes, and for humor.
No, I trust people.
Yes, they need to be sufficiently impressive.

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Will you give a speech yourself?
No, that's scary.
Yes, I'm really good at that.
I'll thank some people.
Definitely.

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If your boo fumbles his words, what will you do?
Let the priest handle it.
Giggle.
Touch his hand.
Be mortified.

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Will you invite any of your exes?
No.
Only older ones.
No, for their own protection.
Absolutely not!

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How will you leave the church?
Car.
Carriage with two horses.
Walk a little ways.
Convoy of carriages.

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What music will you have?
Violin
Band
Gospel group
Church choir

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Who will give the sermon?
Local priest
Cool charismatic priest
My sister
The archbishop!

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What event do you intend to upstage?
Any sporting events that day!
I don't think about it that way.
No events!
Other royal weddings.

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What flowers will you have?
Roses
Peonies
Lilacs
Orchids

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How long will it take to plan?
Six months
Four months
Ten months
Over a year

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What will it cost?
$100,000
$80,000
$120,000
Over $500,000

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If one of your friends doesn't pass the security check, meaning they cannot attend, how will you let them know?
Let the security service tell them.
Email them.
Call them.
I'll just not invite them.

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What sort of confetti will people throw?
Flowers
Sparkles
Rice
Organic rice

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How long will the ceremony last?
30 minutes
20 minutes
15 minutes
Over an hour

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Will any cameras be allowed at the reception?
Only one that we hired.
Only a few trusted friends.
Sure, any guest can bring one.
Yes, the media.

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Will there be brunch the next day?
Probably not.
Only for a few people.
Yes, to thank everyone.
Yes, it will be huge.

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Will you modify the traditional vows at all?
No.
A little.
We'll make them reciprocal, so we each say the same things instead of one promising different things.
We'll delete the "for richer, for poorer" part since that's not applicable here.

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Who will walk you down the aisle?
My father.
Both parents.
My whole family.
The prince's dad.

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Will you ensure that the church is fully accessible to less mobile guests?
If it can be done easily, yes.
We'll have some soldiers to help the older folks inside!
Of course.
Nah, we don't need them cluttering things up.

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Are little kids welcome at the reception?
Only over age 10.
Only until dinner.
Sure.
No.

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What's for dinner?
Chicken.
Lamb.
Fish, and a veggie option.
Ostrich.

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You Got:

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