Pretend to Be a Greek Goddess and We'll Tell You Which God You’d Defeat

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
4 min
Pretend to Be a Greek Goddess and We'll Tell You Which God You’d Defeat
Image: Oriredmouse/E+/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Greek gods and Greek goddesses are fascinating characters. In some ways, they are very much like human beings; the gods and goddesses are gendered, have marital relationships and have parental relationships. On the other hand, they can reproduce asexually, and some of them don't resemble humans very much, being more amorphous "forces" than intelligences. To this end, myths try to identify their characteristics, and systems as disparate as numerology and astrology attempt to know the will of the gods. When looked at without emotional investment, the gods are of comparable power and character, regardless of the specific god or goddess in question.

What would it take to defeat a god? There is only one god of war, after all. How would one defeat the god of music, or the god of storms? How would one even define the parameters of such a contest? More importantly, what being would be capable of such things? The answer is simple: goddesses. Here is the scenario: You will play the part of a goddess, make a variety of decisions, and we will run those past our divine behavioral experts who will determine, of the pantheon of Greek gods, which one you would be apt to defeat. Are you ready to exhibit a little hubris with us? Take the quiz!

What do you demand your temples resemble?
Spas
Cabins
Universities
Banks

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Your followers adore you. What daily ritual would you like them to do in your honor?
Hug a loved one
Step out of their comfort zones
Learn something new
Take care of the people to whom you are responsible

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Which modern city do you grace with your favor?
Paris
Jackson Hole
Boston
London

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If you were to take the form of an animal in a modern city, what form would you take?
A cat
A Newfoundland
A squirrel
A pigeon

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Which skilled profession would you claim as a recipient of your patronage?
Life coach
Survivalists
Professors
Lawyers

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What major mortal event would you always attend in disguise?
Woodstock
Blackouts
Graduations
The Met Gala

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What modern medium would you use to gain worshipers?
Movies
Blogs
Podcasts
Reality television

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What modern omen should mortals look out for as a sign of your displeasure?
Acne breakouts
Animals disappearing
Dumb mistakes
Abandonments

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What type of person would you choose as your high priest?
Beloved movie star
Bear Grylls type
World renowned expert
CEO of a company like Apple or Facebook

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What major world trend would you use your powers to oppose?
Brexit
Automation
Academic cheating
Infidelity

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What location would serve as the headquarters of your religion?
Central Park, New York
Denali
New College, Oxford University
Bellagio, Las Vegas

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What kind of profile would your religion have?
It would be very low-key and clandestine.
It would be a bit of an internet-driven cult
It would be totally out in the open
It wouldn't call itself a religion

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What fashion of dress would be the way your followers would show their piety?
Shabby chic
Athletic
Mousy tweed
Bleeding edge couture

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A new app threatens to draw your followers. How do you respond?
Convince the creator to change it in a way that benefits both of us
Destroy the company's server
Have someone bigger create a competing app that both helps me and buries the original one
Have someone buy the company that makes the app and take it out of circulation

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When in mortal form, how would you react to being stuck in traffic?
I would inspire kindness in the drivers, who would cooperate to speed things up.
I would find the path of least resistance and thread through the mess.
I would gift the drivers with the knowledge needed to make the flow more efficient.
I would strike down all the drivers with blindness.

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What overarching change to society do you hope to make with the leverage of your followers?
Reduce chemical dependency
Toughen up
Rely less on material things for self-worth
Scorn the wider world in favor of family

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What event would spontaneously occur when your negative emotions boil over?
A spike in divorce rates
Food recalls
Internet outages
Torrential downpour

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What would you strive to make the US government do to support your divine whims?
Recognize marriage in all forms
Make people less reliant on the state
Provide college tuition to everyone
Take more control over social media

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What kind of object would you demand as a sacrifice?
A love letter
A beloved tool
A favorite copy of a book
A family heirloom

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To what nation would you be the patron deity?
Denmark
Hungary
Japan
Russia

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How would you primarily communicate to your followers?
Through celestial signs
Through animals
Through crossword puzzles
Through dreams

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What brand of clothing would you require your followers wear?
DVF
Lululemon
Chanel
Oscar De La Renta

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What natural events would you cause as signs to your followers?
Sunshowers
Earthquakes
Tornadoes
Tsunamis

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Which of these famous people would be your typical follower?
Elizabeth Taylor
Bindi Irwin
Geena Davis
Bethenny Frankel

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When would you schedule your major holiday?
The middle of the spring
The end of autumn
The dead of winter
The hottest day of the summer

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How would you toy with the lives of mortals, as part of your daily routine?
I would sap the pleasure from the soma people consume to take the place of genuine happiness.
I would break things and make people have to fend for themselves.
I would make people lose the stuff without which they feel naked, so their psychological need is reduced.
I would smash up business relationships, sending the stock markets into convulsions.

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Gods and goddesses have overwhelming emotional swings. Which two emotions would be your two major swing states?
Tenderness and despair
Gritty determination and zealous anger
Ambitious curiosity and angry sulking
Parental love and spite

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If you were in mortal form and a real mortal spurned your affections, how would you respond?
I would relieve them of their good looks.
I would leave them deserted away from civilization.
I would put them into a situation where they feel way out of their depths.
I would turn them into newts.

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What modern omen should mortals look out for as a sign of your favor?
The image of a kiss made with lipstick
Arrows
Post-nominal letters (letters after someone's name)
Orderly flights of birds

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What kindness would you show to mortals?
I would introduce soulmates.
I would help people endure the unendurable.
I would inspire eureka moments.
I would bind society together.

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You Got: