Rate These Junk Foods and We'll Sort You Into a Hogwarts House

By: Zoe Samuel

Rate These Junk Foods and We'll Sort You Into a Hogwarts House
Image: Burcu Atalay Tankut/Moment/Getty Images

About This Quiz

J. K. Rowling's fantasy creation features a huge variety of candies, magics and characters. However, much of the story is really about finding where you fit in.

Children on the Hogwarts Express indulge in strange, magical candies and identify each other by those choices. Children form not only houses, but also teams within those houses to further self-identify, as with Quidditch. Even the courses of study students specialize in can be the result of identifying with specific teachers or past students who have certain relationships with those subjects.

In the real world, there are many measures people use to identify aspects of themselves or others. Recently, some have taken to DNA tests, feeling that somehow measures and explains who they are. There are myriad personality tests, some as old as a century or more, which people use, justifiably or not, to weed out job candidates whose personalities are deemed unsuitable for the job in question. Some people even identify their personalities most strongly with groups they associate with, like political groups, religious groups or ethnic groups.

Today, we will sweep away all of these old sorting methods. You don't need to dig deep into your psyche, swab in the inside of your mouth or fill out a party form to know who you are. Simply express your feelings about the junk foods we have selected for you, and we will tell you what it means for the Hogwarts house you belong in!

How do you feel about Hershey bars?
Would you like a couple sections?
Melt it and put it on something more interesting.
I prefer the kind with almonds.
They're the best!

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What comes to mind when you hear "chicken nuggets"?
I'll just have one. They're fattening!
They're the best!
I will hoard them!
I'll take an order, please!

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What's your opinion on Cheetos?
Ugh! Don't make me sick!
Perfect for long journeys by car
I adore them.
A little rich for my tastes

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How do you feel about Hershey's Kisses?
They're a good compromise.
I adore them.
I will have them all.
They're okay.

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What comes to mind when you hear "nachos with cheese"?
You should all have some. I'll abstain.
I'd like mine with vegan cheese, please.
It is my cheese!
I'll take one.

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What comes to mind when you hear "cheesecake"?
Would you like some too?
A bit bland
Give it to me.
I'll try it.

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What's your opinion on blue corn chips?
Aha! Healthy and fun for everyone!
How are they blue?! How!?!
I will have them all.
They're fine.

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How do you feel about Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?
I like the bite-sized ones.
I like the white chocolate ones.
I prefer the dark chocolate ones.
I love them!

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What's your opinion on Skittles?
They're the best!
I love those.
"Taste the rainbow"? Seriously?
They're pretty, but I'm not a fan.

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What comes to mind when you hear "deep fried mozzarella sticks"?
Enough for everyone!
Gross!
I will have them all.
Very heavy

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How do you feel about Goobers?
Nice in a movie theater.
I prefer Milk Duds.
You're a goober.
They're okay.

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What comes to mind when you hear "bacon cheeseburger"?
Too much!
Oooh! Where was the bacon sourced?
If the cheese is interesting, I'm in!
I'll eat it in under a minute!

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What's your opinion on Gummy Bears?
It always makes me think of the Care Bears.
I love the variety of flavors.
They can be very special...
They're a bit childish, if you ask me.

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How do you feel about Mister Goodbar?
They're my favorite Halloween candy!
I love the sense of surprise when I bite in.
Chocolate and peanuts together is a bit obvious, don't you think?
Sounds perfect to me.

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What's your opinion on Sour Patch Kids?
The bag has enough for everyone!
Fascinating, but only for a moment.
Excellent. A masterpiece.
I'm willing to try a whole bunch at once!

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What's your opinion on bags of pretzels?
Light and healthy-ish! I'll have some!
Not as much fun as Crackerjacks!
I'll have them if I'm literally dying of hunger.
They're just fine with me.

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How do you feel about Baby Ruth bars?
They're fine.
I love those! A bit of history, like the Reggie Bar.
A little unsophisticated if you ask me.
I'll scarf down two!

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What's your opinion on Doritos?
Great for parties
Good for dipping
Fine, if you're 12
I like the spicy ones!

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What comes to mind when you hear "popcorn shrimp"?
Invite some friends over!
What do we have to drizzle on them?
Fine, if you're a college bro.
What beer are we having with them?

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How do you feel about Aero bars?
They're interesting!
They pretend to be interesting, but it's just chocolate all the way through.
Too much like Flakes.
They're a nice treat.

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What's your opinion on Starburst?
I will get the feeling!
One of the funnest candies!
I will grab as many as I can before anyone else gets a chance to!
I'll have one, but I'm not very excited by them.

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What comes to mind when you hear "Crystal Pepsi"?
Uh, no thanks. I'll have a diet.
I must have it.
That is the secret ingredient to my spell! I must have it!
I'll try it! What does it taste like?

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How do you feel about Rollos?
They're the best!
They're interesting because they are different depending on the temperature.
Delicious and pocket-sized. Perfect for stealing!
They're nice after a long walk with friends.

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What's your opinion on Jolly Ranchers?
How bad could a food with "Jolly" in the name really be?
I adore them.
They're stupid, and so are people who get them stuck in their teeth. Fools.
I'll try one! What's the worst thing that could happen?

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What comes to mind when you hear "hot dog"?
Would you like to have one too?
What toppings can I have?
Is the meat artisanal?
Play ball!

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How do you feel about M&Ms?
Pour some in a bowl and you've got a party.
You should mix the plain ones with the other varieties, for the surprise factor!
I prefer Minstrels, the original.
They're great!

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What's your opinion on BBQ flavor potato chips?
A crime against potato chips
I'd like a more complex flavor.
I always shoplift—er, buy—those.
I'll try them!

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What comes to mind when you hear "french fries"?
Let's share an order!
How are they seasoned?
I'd like sweet potato fries. Waffle cut.
I adore them. Who doesn't?

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How do you feel about Kit Kats?
I adore them. You can share them!
They're better now that they come in a variety of flavors.
I like to break off a piece and—oh, who am I kidding? Eat it, and then eat the rest.
They're okay I guess. I'll have one.

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What comes to mind when you hear "fried chicken"?
No thanks! Too unhealthy!
A mix of soft and juicy with thin and crispy? Count me in!
I will tap the bucket and drink the oil directly from it.
I'll have a wing!

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You Got:

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