Retro or Rubbish?

By: Chris Obenschain

Retro or Rubbish?
Image: Hemera Technologies/Thinkstock

About This Quiz

Wondering if your new clothing find or old wardrobe piece is retro or rubbish? Take this quiz to find out.
Wearing a fedora will make you look:
worldly and educated
like you're trying way, way too hard
Fedoras haven't been cool in decades, so unless you're an archaeologist, there's no reason to go digging up this relic. We'll give you a pass if you're sporting a straw fedora, but you must be on the beach!
like you own a bullwhip

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Your best friend bought you a sequined dress in your favorite color while she was out thrifting. You should:
Burn it -- ew!
Stash it in your closet and hope sequins come back soon.
Give her a huge hug. Sequins are in!
Sequins have been around forever, and though sequined dresses fell out of fashion for a few decades, they're back in a big way right now. Vintage sequined clothing is currently all the rage, so you better find a heart-shaped necklace that separates into two pieces and give the "Be Fri" half to your BFF.

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You come across an old pair of perfectly preserved parachute pants. Can you, should you, touch this?
Yeah, you can rock those.
MC Hammer may not be topping the charts these days, but his pants have come back in style in a big way -- and we're not just talking about incredibly oversized parachute pants. The comfortable, lightweight material can currently be found in regular-sized britches and even (gasp) skinny, tight-fitting pant styles.
Too hype -- you probably can't touch this style.
Stop … Hammer time!

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What's the deal with bowling shirts from the 1950s?
Bowling shirts are the cat's pajamas.
We think these are total gutter balls.
You can only make this shirt look cool if you're into tattoos, hot rods, hair gel and Elvis.
Retro bowling shirts were big a few years ago. If your closet is filled exclusively with blue jeans, white T-shirts and black leather jackets, or the only kind of music you listen to starts with "rock" and ends with "billy," adding a few vintage bowling shirts to your wardrobe won't hurt, but everyone else should stay away.

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While helping your parents clean out their garage, you find a box filled with your dad's old trucker hats. You put one on and look in the mirror. What do you see?
You see a total chick (or dude) magnet.
Wow, you've found a great way to avoid meeting new people!
Trucker hats have come in and out of fashion several times. Now is not one of those times. And, no, you won't get anything for your dad's smelly old hats on eBay. Leave the box where you found it, and slowly back away.
Not the best look on you, but these hats are bound to be an eBay gold mine.

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In the '80s and for part of the '90s, sporting a blue jean jacket was cooler than wearing sunglasses at night. Today, these denim coats are:
Simply said, they're rad.
The fashion industry gives you clearance to wear your jean jacket. But please, whatever you do, leave the patches and buttons in the past.
Jean jackets don't get a place at the cool kids' table.
Like, whatever -- you're into them, even if you're the only one wearing them.

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You're sorting through your town's trendiest vintage boutique when you happen upon a jacket that fits like it was made with you in mind. The only problem is that it has shoulder pads. Toss it or take it home?
Toss! Shoulder pads are for football players and Murphy Brown.
Take it home! Shoulder pads are big right now.
Women should have no qualms about padding their shoulders with vintage jackets and shirts. Buy that jacket and flaunt it! Men, stay away from this look.
Buy the jacket, but have your tailor remove those unsightly pads.

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We've covered the '80s greatest hits (parachute pants, shoulder pads and sequins). Now, what about those bell-bottoms lurking in your dresser drawer?
Groovy! Wear them with no regrets.
Wide-legged pants are chic right now, and they come back in fashion often enough that's it's safe to set aside a permanent spot in your wardrobe for a pair of them.
Total buzzkill -- stash those pants in the attic.
Bell-what? They're total rubbish; toss 'em out with the trash.

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Bell-bottoms, approved. But what should you do with those huge-legged '90s jeans with the oversized wallet chain?
Pass. These pants have always been in poor taste, even when they were technically in style.
These ballooning britches were barely tolerated in the '90s, and no one's rushing to bring them back now.
Wide bottom, wide leg, what's the difference? Bring 'em on!
Pick up the pants, but leave the chain at home -- especially if you plan on flying. The TSA doesn't care about your fashion sense.

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Let's talk about those John Lennon-inspired sunglasses you keep around. Let them see the light of day or the darkness of the basement?
They'd look great with any outfit.
Work 'em, but only with the tunic and bell-bottoms to match.
Tiny frames are passe; let go of your Lennons.
Plenty of vintage accessories are still cool, but not your John Lennon glasses. Big is, well, big right now, so get your self some oversized shades and hit the town. But they say all accessories come back in style eventually, so keep all your sunglasses.

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You Got:
/10
Hemera Technologies/Thinkstock

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