Who Said It: 'The Sopranos' Quotes Quiz

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About This Quiz

"The Sopranos" is a highly quotable show, but about 90 percent of it isn't fit for publication. We did a little digging, though, and found some fairly family-friendly quotes. See if you can guess which character said each line.

"I don't just hate this man. I hate all men."

Kind of surprisingly, this is not Carmela. It's Artie, who had his own complicated relationship with Tony.

"I think you have this M.O. where you manipulate spiritually thirsty women, and I think a lot of it is tied up with food somehow, as well as the sexual tension game."

This is Carmela, calling out Father Intintola.

"I got dosed with acid once, back in '68. I was with your dad and them at the Copa … I look over. Your Uncle June's got laser beams shootin' out his eyes!"

This could really only be Paulie Walnuts.

"Why was I born handsome instead of rich?"

Ralph does seem to have a pretty high opinion of himself.

"You heard about the Chinese godfather? He made them an offer they couldn't understand."

Uncle Junior's never afraid to be totally offensive.

"There's no scraps in my scrapbook."

We're not sure what Phil meant by this quote (in a scene about whacking the entire Soprano crew), and it didn't seem like anyone else in the scene did, either.

"Acting is mostly feelings unless the actor's driving a car or sword fighting or something."

This is Adriana, helping Christopher practice for his drama class.

"Bush let al-Qaida escape in the mountains? Then he has us invade some other country?"

A. J. is a boy/man of relatively few words for most of the series, but in the finale he lets loose with some political opinions.

"You're not gonna believe this. The guy killed 16 Czechoslovakians. He was an interior decorator."

One of the most hilarious mishearings of the entire series, courtesy of Paulie Walnuts. (It was a guy with the interior ministry who killed 16 Chechen rebels.)

"They used to call me Ichabod Crane."

And they would've been pretty spot-on about Tony Blundetto.

"The highway was jammed with broken heroes on a last-chance power drive."

Christopher, quoting the Boss while giving an excuse for lateness to his own boss. Possibly would've been even better coming from Silvio, though.

"A wrong decision is better than indecision."

And that's why Tony was the boss.

"I hear Ginny Sack is having a 90-pound mole taken off her ass."

This is the joke that almost got Ralph whacked.

"A lot of top guys have dark moods. That Winston Churchill drank a quart of brandy before breakfast." 

This is Silvio, sticking up for Tony when he reveals he's been in therapy. He followed this with a not-safe-for-work comment about Napoleon.

"It's not the worst thing I ever heard. I was seeing a therapist myself about a year ago. I had some issues. Enough said. I learned some coping skills."

This is Paulie, on the subject of therapy again.

"Is nothing sacred? What happened to this thing? If this was years ago, would I even have to ask? We bend more rules than the Catholic Church." 

This is Johnny, begging unsuccessfully to have Ralph whacked for insulting his wife.

"This alteration you had with him … you're at the precipice, Tony, of an enormous crossroad."

So many Sopranos characters misuse words and mix their metaphors, but Little Carmine's is one of the best.

"You want someone who's sensitive to your needs, but still decisive enough for the occasional grope in the closet."

This is Dr. Melfi talking to a friend.

"Every day is a gift. It's just, does it have to be a pair of socks?"

Classic quote from Tony.

"Whatever you do, don't engage Silvio in conversation."

This is Christopher, advising Matt and Sean on working the executive card game.

"In the midst of death, we are in life, huh? Or is it the other way around?" 

This is Paulie, trying to make conversation with Meadow and her friends.

"I'm like King Midas in reverse."

Poor Tony.

"I told him, someone owes you money, even if you gotta crawl, you get it."

Paulie's talking to Tony about Big Pussy.

"The only thing I ever found in the street was my first wife."

Eugene didn't have much luck in his professional or personal life.

"What kind of animal smokes marijuana at his own confirmation?"

This is Carmela, horrified by A. J.

"You add up all your mortal sins and multiply that number by 50. Then you add up all your venial sins and multiply that by 25. You add that together, and that's your sentence. I figure I'm gonna have to do 6,000 years before I get accepted into heaven, and 6,000 years is nothing in eternity terms. I can do that standing on my head. It's like a couple of days here."

Paulie always seems so certain about everything, even if it makes no sense.

"If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them."

This is Tony, being the boss.

"When I was a little kid, no older than that, I always used to wonder why nobody collected prayer cards like they collected baseball cards."

Deep thoughts from Uncle Junior.

"My daughter got off on this feminist rant. She told me it's demeaning for a girl to be working at the Bing. The fact that these girls make $1,500 a week has no bearing with my <i>principessa</i>."

The key is <i>principessa</i>, Silvio's nickname for his daughter.

"Do you think making a hamburger out of me would make you feel better?"

This is Dr. Melfi, questioning Tony during a therapy session.

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