Tell Us About Your Personality and We’ll Match You to a Very British Tattoo

By: Zoe Samuel

Tell Us About Your Personality and We’ll Match You to a Very British Tattoo
Image: Anchiy/E+/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Tattoos may have only made their way to Britain when sailors returned from the South Pacific, but symbols have been etched into the very stone of the British Isles since the stone age. Standing stones mark out symbols visible only from the sky, and runic passages are etched into ruins on far-flung islands. Britain's rich religious history, reaching back to pre-Roman times, includes symbols from the Abrahamic religions as well as dozens of other faiths, including ancient British pagan religions that were mostly lost to history.

Of course, tattoos can be more than just abstract symbols. British history has a sizable catalog of sayings, cultural touchstones, and in our recent past, popular culture, which both reflects and informs British cultural discourse. Between Britain's massive list of influential authors, historical figures and the frequently brilliant Tommy Atkins, Britain has an enormous catalog of sayings that encapsulate aspects of the British national character. A good British tattoo should reflect the appropriate aspect of the wearer's relationship with Britain, be it to our sense of humour, historical affinity, or the wearer's affiliation with a subculture. Are you considering a tattoo but want to have a British one? Pour yourself a cuppa and warm up near the Aga, because with this quiz, we'll find you the right design.

1 - How far do you live How far do you live from where you came from?
A mile or so
Hundreds of miles
I grew up all over, so it's difficult to measure.
About 30 miles

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2 - tattoo on... Where aren't you currently tattooed, but you would consider getting tattooed?
My forearms
My chest
My back
My shoulder

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3 - favorite student activity What was your favourite thing to do when you were a student?
I played for a school team.
I participated in various arts societies.
I loved spending time outdoors with my dad.
I loved curling up by the window and watching all the daft fools trudging around in the cold.

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4 - layers When you are home and it is cold, how many layers do you put on before just giving up and adjusting the thermostat?
One
Two
Three
Three, a coat, a hat and gloves

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5 - high-fives Where are you most likely to get high-fives for your tattoo?
The town where I grew up
Any theatre in the land
Sandhurst
The Dorchester

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6 - # tattoos How many tattoos do you already have?
Two
One
Four or more
None

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7 - holiday observation Other than Christmas, what holiday do you always observe without fail?
Guy Fawkes Night
My birthday, when I turn five years younger than I actually am
Remembrance Day
Boxing Day

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8 - time queuing What is the longest length of time you have spent queuing?
A half hour or so
I lose my patience after a few minutes.
Hours
Days! I thought I was waiting for the post office, but it was a movie sequel ticket line.

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9 - handle stress How do you handle stress?
I whinge about the council's failure to fix those potholes.
I meditate.
I like nothing better than a good workout.
Builder's tea

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10 - major event At what major event would you like to show off your tattoo?
A game featuring my local football club
The Glyndebourne Festival
The Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo
Boxing Day lunch

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11 - watching football What collective British cultural activity, like sport, do you follow?
Football!
I love film and theatre.
I attend all events featuring the Red Arrows.
Yelling at the telly

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12 - leader What do you look for in a leader?
Sentiment
Brains
Integrity
A short term in office

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13 - tattoo with friend If you were going to get tattooed with someone else who would also get tattooed, who would it be?
My best childhood friend
My friend from uni!
A work colleague
My partner

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14 - relaxing form of entertainment What do you find the most relaxing form of entertainment?
Walking in nature
Theatre
Films
"QI"

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15 - cry at films At what type of film do you always shed a tear?
Historical films
I cry in nearly every film.
War movies
I cry at any film I watch in a theatre. The tickets are so expensive!

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16 - life event most bonds you What life event most bonds you with your best mate?
Childhood
University
We spent significant time abroad.
We're married.

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17 - apologize How many times a day do you apologize out of reflex?
Five or six times, at a guess
At least 10 times a day
Once or twice, I suppose
I'm sorry! I didn't realize! I — I — oh, I suppose a few dozen?

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18 - weekend holiday Where would you go for a weekend holiday?
I would go caravanning in the Lake District.
I would visit Chichester, especially if there's something on at the Chichester Festival Theatre.
I'd go hiking in Dartmoor.
I'd stay at home and catch up on my reading.

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19 - when tatoo When do you plan to get your tattoo?
When my mates come back home this spring
In the middle of the night, on a whim, after a night of trying new and terrifying things
When I return to the U.K. from where I am right now
On Tuesday, when the tattoo parlour won't be too crowded

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20 - national discourse To what national discourse are you drawn?
The Scottish referendum
The state of the nation's pluralism
Foreign policy
Oh, God. Really? There's only one such thing on my mind right now, and the last thing I need is for you to bring it up just as I'm feeling relaxed!

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21 - quotes Which of the following quotes inspires you?
"Courage is found in unlikely places." —JRR Tolkien
"Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit." —Oscar Wilde
"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: / Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. / At the going down of the sun and in the morning / We will remember them." —Robert Binyon
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea." —Henry James

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22 - skive off from work What would you do with your day if you decided to skive off from work?
I would go sightseeing and see something I've not visited before.
I would want to attend a reading or speaking event where I could listen to someone interesting.
I would probably spend the day mending things around my house.
I would find the best restaurant in town and treat myself to a lovely lunch and decadent pudding.

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23 - dangerous thing What is the most dangerous thing you've ever done?
I put up a conservatory without planning permission.
I tried walking the whole of the England Coast Path in winter.
I can't talk about it.
I accidentally mixed bleach with ammonia while I was cleaning my kitchen.

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24 - last meal If you knew your time was up, what would you have for your last meal?
Shepherd's pie
The lemon cake at Cipriani
Steak
Tea and scones

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25 - loud conversations on his mobile in a car How do you feel about the jerk in the quiet car who has loud conversations on his mobile?
He must have an important reason to be on his mobile.
I know that what I think about him is also what everyone else who knows him thinks about him.
He's a bastard.
I want him to slip in sick.

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26 - what's bothering you Please don't take this the wrong way, but what's bothering you today?
My team isn't doing well.
I'm having trouble straightening out my calendar this month.
I can't seem to get someone on the phone.
Everything is bothering me. Did you see what was in the paper today? It was just ... I can't even talk about it.

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27 - off limits to getting a tattoo Other than your face, what part of your body is completely off limits to getting a tattoo?
My belly
My legs
My hands
The soles of my feet

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28 - visible in the workplace How do you feel about your tattoo being visible in the workplace?
I don't mind either way.
I'd rather it not be visible unless I want it to be.
I'd like it to be visible in all but the most formal clothes.
I don't mind it being visible, so long as it is small.

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29 - hot weather is How would you fill in the blank to the following phrase? "Hot weather is ________."
Wonderful!
Almost as bad as cold weather!
Bearable
Hell

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30 - What sort of dog would you adopt Owning a dog seems both normal and a sign of some deeper sensibility. What sort of dog would you adopt?
A spaniel
I'd adopt an Aibo because I live in a small flat.
An Alsatian
A Labrador

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