Tell Us About Your Pet and We'll Tell You Your Ideal Haircut!

By: Mark Lichtenstein

Tell Us About Your Pet and We'll Tell You Your Ideal Haircut!
Image: Youtube

About This Quiz

A pet is a lifestyle choice as much as a haircut. Owning a pet means sticking with a haircut that is compatible with the pet, and the lifestyle that goes with the pet. Tell us a little about your pet, and we'll tell you how to cut your hair.
How outdoorsy is your pet?
It likes going outside for a bit.
It prefers to cuddle on the couch.
It loves nothing better than a walk in the woods.
I wouldn't know, I never take it there.

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Does your pet run off?
Frequently
Any time the door is open.
No, I have trained it not to.
It can't.

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Does your pet promptly return when it runs off?
It comes back after a few minutes.
After a few days, it'll return.
As soon as I raise my voice, it returns.
If it were to run off, I couldn't get it back.

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Does your pet seem happy?
Mostly, though I am a tough disciplinarian.
It seems indifferent.
It's very happy.
It is as inscrutable as the sphinx.

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Does your pet make you look hard to strangers?
Yes
No, quite the opposite.
Not unless someone raises a hand to me.
No, it's more furniture than pet.

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Does your pet make you look hard to people who know you?
Yes, and my hard friends love it.
No, I look like I'll be single forever.
No, it makes me look paternal.
No, it makes me look geeky.

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Are people jealous of you with regards to your pet?
Only my hard friends.
Some of my friends express jealousy.
Yes, everyone is.
A few of my work colleagues are.

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How old is your pet?
A couple years
A year and a half
Six years
A few weeks

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How cuddly is your pet?
Not very
It's 100% cuddles.
When we aren't outside, my pet just wants to cuddle.
It couldn't cuddle if it wanted to.

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Does your pet love you?
It's a blend of love and fear.
It sure acts like it.
It does love me.
It doesn't experience feelings like love.

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Would your pet love you if you weren't its source of food?
It might kill me.
It wouldn't.
It still would.
No way.

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Does your pet have a job?
No, but it would make a good protector of a junk yard.
It kills mice.
It retrieves birds.
It keeps me calm.

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Does your pet have a human friend outside your family?
No, no friends, period.
Sometimes it looks like it does, but that is clearly a deception.
Yes, it does.
No, it can't.

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Does your pet have another pet friend from your household?
No, it's the only one.
Yes, its sibling.
Yes, I have a younger one of the same kind.
It has some neighbors, so to speak, but they aren't "friends" per se.

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Does your pet have an animal friend from another house?
No, no friends.
Yes, my neighbor has a pet of the same type.
Sure, it is friends with various pets around where I live.
No, I don't think friendship is a concept it understands.

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Does your pet have an animal friend from the wild?
No, though it would have a certain kinship, it if could understand that idea.
Yes, it is friends with several wild versions of itself.
No, there aren't wild animals who would be friends with my pet around here.
No, but it would prefer its wild friends to me if it knew them.

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Has your pet ever needed to go to the vet for something serious?
Yes, it got badly gashed once.
It has a serious illness.
Not yet, thank God.
No, if it got serious, I would probably not know until it were dead.

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Is your pet fixed?
Yes
I think the pound did it.
No, I intend to stud it out.
No, I don't think you can do that with mine.

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How many pet supplies must you buy to keep your pet alive?
Food, bed, that's it.
Food, medicine, bed, that's about it.
Food, bed, a chew toy, that's about it.
Food and an aerator is all.

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How many pet supplies must you buy to keep your pet happy?
Loads. Chains, chew toys, balls, you name it.
Scratching posts, catnip, a high tech toy that points a laser pointer around.
Loads of chew toys, balls, bones, stuffed animals, balloons, and then there are the hunting trips.
A little castle, a plastic SCUBA diver, that's all.

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Have you had to spend money training your pet?
Yes, I sent it to an expensive trainer.
No, my pet just has to love me.
No, I've trained my own pets for years.
My pet can't be trained.

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Were you able to train your pet on your own?
No, I really needed help for everything.
I trained my pet to go to the bathroom in a box.
I trained my pet to do everything.
My pet's only "trick" is coming up for food when I make a noise.

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Do you play with your pet every day?
I have to, or it will kill me.
I do! That's the whole point!
I do, because it has to keep up its training.
I try to.

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How does your pet greet you when you arrive home?
It lays down in submission.
It makes noises until I feed it.
It sits in front of me and begs for a cuddle.
It is indifferent.

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How does your pet respond when you say it is bedtime?
It simply goes to bed.
It decides its own bedtime.
It bounces around in anticipation of a bicky.
It just goes on with its life.

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Do you ever take your pet on flights?
No, it wouldn't do well.
No, it might freak out.
I do sometimes, but I buy it a seat and give it drugs.
No, it might burst or something.

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Do you take your pet hunting?
No, but if I did, I would not need a gun.
Not unless I'm hunting mice.
I do.
It would be prey if I did that.

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Does your pet wake you up early?
No, it knows that if it does that I will not react well.
It walks on my face.
It pokes its head up by my bed.
No, it's silent all the time.

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Does your pet like to eat human food?
Of course it does!
I feed it from my own food all the time.
It does, but it's not healthy for it.
It's happy with pet food.

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When your pet finally dies, would you replace it with another of the same type?
Hell yes!
Probably
That depends on the reasons for its death.
I will probably change things up.

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