What % British Are You?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
6 min
What % British Are You?
Image: William Perugini / Cultura / Getty Images

About This Quiz

What it means to be British is something that has evolved over thousands of years. Once, the Angles and Saxons weren't British. Then, the Danes who settled in England weren't British. Then the Normans weren't British. Over time, groups become British by dint of cultural exposure and contributing to Britain in their unique way. "John Bull" may be a cultural icon, but what said John should look like is open to debate.

What is Britishness now? Is it inventive like Brunel or Dyson? Is it creative genius, as with Shakespeare and Damien Hirst? Is it seeking to learn new things and explore the world, as with Darwin and Shackleton? Is it in our unique form of government? Perhaps Britishness is encoded into our environment; after all, despite our moaning about the weather, it is seldom as hot or cold as the truly hot or cold places in the world. Is it in the centers of productivity, as with The Weald as it made canon for Henry VIII, or London as it generates art and financial instruments for the world?

Perhaps Britishness is all of these things, but then maybe it is none of them, as these are qualities shared with other peoples. To find out how British you are, take this quiz, and we will do the hard work for you.

Stand in Line What is the longest amount of time you have queued?
Seven hours. It was like a marathon, or a waterboarding session, or both at the same time.
Two hours. I had to change flights in Caracas.
30 minutes. Post office.
10 minutes. It was an eternity wrapped in an eon.

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Beach in Barcelona How do you feel about the weather in Spain, when it's 40° and there are warnings to stay inside?
That sounds like heaven to me.
It might do when I'm old and feel cold all of the time.
I think it might be nice for a few days.
That sounds awful.

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On the tube How would you complete the statement "National Rail _________"?
Is the bane of my existence.
Is so unprofessional it makes panto look like the RSC.
Needs to jail that jerk talking in the quiet car.
Is actually pretty amazing!

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Natural History Museum To how many National Trust sites have you been outside of the context of being taken there on a school trip?
10
Five or so
Two
None

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Couple in Florence When traveling to major cities abroad, what parts of the cities do you see?
The major tourist sites and any place my local friends take me
The places one is expected to take a selfie
Just the major sites
I skip all the major sites and focus on things off the beaten path.

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Family in countryside How do you dress for an event (not black tie) in the countryside?
Wellies and a wax jacket
Hiking boots and a sweater
Trainers and a short sleeve shirt
High heels and a pretty dress

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Scottish Highlands What is the most beautiful place in the world?
Scotland
Wales
Devon
Florida

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Woman in library To whom do you turn to learn a new technical skill?
I'll ask a boffin I know.
I'll inquire with my local university.
I have plenty of books in my library.
There are always videos somewhere on the internet.

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Getting dressed How much time do you put into your appearance each morning?
Am I supposed to?
10 seconds
30 seconds
10 minutes

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Airport Immigration You arrive at immigration at the airport and an official is officious toward you. What do you say to them?
C'mon mate ...
I'm sure if you just run it again, it'll all be fine.
Can we call someone?
I'd like to speak with your supervisor.

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Cocktail Party An American you just met at a party wants to demonstrate their "really good" Cockney accent for you. What do you do?
Change the subject, immediately.
"Jokingly" beg them not to.
Smile and let them do it.
Encourage them to do it.

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Airplane You have a choice: either spend a long flight crammed between two huge, unpleasant people, or moan about it all night whilst you wait for the next flight. What do you do?
Can I phone a friend?
Wait in the airport, definitely
Take the flight, definitely
I'm a Gold Member! The airline owes me better service than this! I will have a word with them right now!

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Woman gardening You have time to kill at home. What is your modus operandi?
Dave
DIY
Gardening
Surfing the 'net

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Drive United Kingdom Which type of car is the kind you'd have?
A cabriolet, of course
An estate car, as I have need
A hot hatch, because I'll never grow up
A big SUV, because 'murica!

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Concert What are your expectations for Eurovision?
We don't have a chance.
We'll get our hopes up and then they will be crushed.
I'd put us at about 40/60.
We're going to win this year!

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Watch Tv In your opinion, which television programme best encapsulates what Britain is all about?
"Yes, Minister"
"Peep Show"
"Doctor Who"
"The Crown"

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Writing Letter How pernickety are you about grammar and spelling?
Thank you for spelling that correctly.
It's not "I could care less"! It's "I couldn't care less"! They are literally opposites!
If you have "two choices," then that's four options!
I could care less.

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Theatre play You are in a theatre, attending a play. How do you respond to the stranger seated beside you, who records video with their mobile?
I tell them to stop, in no uncertain terms.
I fetch some of the theatre staff to confront them.
I make disapproving noises.
I take pictures of them doing it, for the 'gram!

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Family Holiday Season What do you do for Boxing Day?
I spend the day relaxing with my family.
I spend the day doing charity.
I spend the day travelling home from the Christmas party.
I go to a boxing gym.

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English Cocker Spaniel Of which kind of dog do you most approve?
Labrador
Spaniel
Golden Retriever
Alsatian

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Boris Johnson If the PM ceased to exist tomorrow, who would you want to be the new PM?
Count Binface, Independent Candidate
Lord Buckethead, Monster Raving Loony Party
The Incredible Flying Brick, Monster Raving Loony Party
Jacob Rees-Mogg, Conservative Party

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The Inbetweeners Which film maker's vision of Britain is closest to reality?
Ken Loach ("Kes")
Ben Palmer ("The Inbetweeners Movie")
John Boorman ("Excalibur")
Richard Curtis ("Notting Hill")

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Tanning Bed How do you tan, if at all?
I don't tan! Don't be ridiculous!
I use a tanning bed for some of it, and a spray can for the rest.
I spend some of the year in a tropical paradise.
I just tan in my back yard.

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House of Parliament If you are upset with something your government has done, what do you do?
I write a strongly worded letter to my MP!
I organize an eccentric protest outside my MP's office and invite the media.
I scream about it on social media.
I go to a major march and then forget all about it.

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Tense conversation Someone shoves you in a public space. What happens next?
I apologise, and then apologise for how poor my apology was.
I assume they did it by mistake and I look around to see what the cause was.
I apologise and insist that there must be some sort of mistake.
I shove them back!

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Brush Hair How long do you take to get ready to go out with your friends?
Two minutes or so. Drag a brush through my hair.
Five minutes, just enough time to make sure I'm wearing clean clothes.
I need a few minutes to set my hair and makeup.
I need at least a half-hour to select my outfit and primp myself.

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Woman in London What idiom can you not seem to shake?
"And then I turned 'round to him"/"He turned 'round to me"
It's "innit," innit?
I drop my "H"s.
I say "ya'll" a lot.

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Black Pudding No breakfast is complete without what item?
Black pudding!
Kippers!
Ready Brek!
An omelette!

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Fish and Chips It's 11 p.m. You're coming home hungry. Where do you pop in for a quick bite?
Kebab van
Greasy spoon
Chippy
Diner

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UK Festival What piece of music do you think most represents Britain today?
"Vindaloo" the football anthem!
"The Lumberjack Song" from "Monty Python"
"God Save The Queen"
"Rule, Britannia!"

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You Got:

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