What % Husband Material Is He?

By: Zoe Samuel

What % Husband Material Is He?
Image: shapecharge/E+/Getty Images

About This Quiz

It is very fashionable to believe that marriage is in trouble these days, after decades of horror stories about how everyone and their dog is repeatedly getting divorced and raising children who are so emotionally crippled that they will never be able to love. Meanwhile, men are supposedly giving up on marriage because of allegedly biased courts that take all their money and give their children to some scheming madwoman, while women's minds have been addled by the nutty notion that they don't need husbands, causing them to reject their God-given purpose.

The truth is that marriage is doing better than ever. Divorce rates are down, marital violence is down, and while people tend to marry a little later than the previous generation, it's because they take marriage seriously and don't rush into it. The marriage equality movement has been marching for the idea that marriage matters, showing that message is alive and well. Today's heterosexual men get to know they were chosen not for earning potential, but because they are loved and wanted; today's women are chosen not because of their looks or cookery, but their wit, ambitions, and personalities. People increasingly see marriage as a way to self-actualize as well as help another person to become their fullest self, and build a stable and financially secure family.

In this atmosphere, where much is expected of a marriage precisely because more is to be gained from it than at any point in history, it's important to choose wisely - and if you're marrying a man, that means vetting him to very high standards. He needs to be more than a paycheck now; he needs to be a true partner. Let's see if the man you have your eye on measures up.

Can he be the only sober person at the party?
Of course!
Sure, sometimes.
Yes but he isn't usually.
No

Advertisement

Have you ever seen him call out another man for boorish or sexist behavior?
Yes, many times - and he's viscerally angry in those moments.
Once, yes. It was hot.
I've seen him mutter about it.
No, he just joins in.

Advertisement

Does he believe women should serve men?
No, he thinks that is insane.
No, but he has a little baggage of that sort.
He says not, but every so often an attitude slips through.
Yes, it's so manly.

Advertisement

Does he care about your dreams and goals?
Yes, more than his own
Yes, as much as his own
Yes
Not if they don't meet with his approval

Advertisement

Can he cook?
Of course, quite well actually
He can bang out a couple fancy options and some ordinary ones.
He can make basics.
No

Advertisement

Can he sew on a button?
Yes, he can mend most things in the house.
Yes, but it won't stay.
He can ask me really nicely to do it.
No

Advertisement

Would you trust him to do your laundry without ruining your stuff?
He has done, often. It was fine.
Sure, why not?
I'd be nervous but OK.
No, my bras would come back like tote bags.

Advertisement

Does he get hung up on who earns more?
He couldn't care less as long as we get by.
He used to.
He tries not to because he knows it is silly.
Yes, it is important to him that he does.

Advertisement

Is he comfortable with his body?
Yes
Mostly
He's a little insecure.
He needs so much reassurance.

Advertisement

Does he know what works for you in bed?
When he doesn't, he asks.
Mostly yes
Somewhat
He has no idea.

Advertisement

What does he read for pleasure?
Fiction, nonfiction, and legacy newspapers
Fiction and sports news
Twitter and Longreads
Sports news and Reddit

Advertisement

Can he form a cogent argument?
Yes, he is a good and honest debater.
Mostly, but he does sometimes fall into fallacies.
Yes, but he can be a little mansplainy.
No, he constantly strawmans everyone.

Advertisement

Has he ever changed his mind about something?
Yes, but only after really thinking about it.
Quite often, yes
Yes, constantly
No, he never changes his mind.

Advertisement

How often does he apologize?
Whenever it's warranted, plus a little more just in case
Whenever people need to hear it
Whenever he thinks he screwed up
If he ever does, I'll let you know!

Advertisement

How are his manners?
Exquisite
Pretty good
Average
Bad

Advertisement

Does he like children?
He loves kids!
He likes some kids.
He likes them in small doses.
He hates kids.

Advertisement

If he says he'll do it, how often will it get done?
More than 85% of the time
More than 60% of the time
50% of the time if I remind him
25% of the time, with multiple reminders and one fight

Advertisement

Does he know his professional strengths?
Yes, he is very self-aware.
Mostly, yes
Yes, but a part of him still wants to be a rock star.
No

Advertisement

Is he a good, safe driver?
Yes, I would feel safe letting him drive our future babies around.
Enough that I feel safe in the car with him.
Mostly, yes
No, he is very aggressive and erratic.

Advertisement

Does he always give his seat to the pregnant, disabled, or elderly on the subway or bus?
Of course
If he notices them, yes
If I point them out, yes
No

Advertisement

Is he consumed by appearances?
He couldn't care less about appearances.
Once in a while
Yes, but he knows it is not healthy.
Yes, he says appearances are important.

Advertisement

Does he work out?
Yes, enough to stay healthy
Yes, enough to look good
Yes, for fun
No, he doesn't tend to his health at all.

Advertisement

Does he make sure to eat right, mostly?
Most of the time, yes
If I remind him, yes
Only sometimes, but he is trying.
Not really

Advertisement

How kind is he?
Saintly
Above average
Average
He's actually kind of a bully sometimes.

Advertisement

How many of his decisions do you factor into?
Most of them
Half of them
The ones that matter
I don't know that I do, ever!

Advertisement

What's his idea of a nice gesture?
Cleaning the house, making dinner, and giving me a nice drink when I come home.
Making nice plans for us to go on a date.
Buying me a little gift.
Writing a song about me that he performs for money.

Advertisement

If he has debts, does he have a good plan to stay ahead of them and possibly even get out of them?
He has no debts!
He has some, but his plan is good and he is making regular progress.
He has some and he's just about staying ahead.
He has crippling debt.

Advertisement

Are his best buddies married?
Yes, nearly all of them
About half are
A few are
No, they are all single

Advertisement

Is he respectful to waiters and cabbies?
He's positively delightful.
He's polite, but no more.
Yes, unless service is bad or he had a bad day
No, he doesn't really think like that.

Advertisement

Does he remember special occasions?
Of course, always
He makes himself a note and then he does.
If I remind him a week ahead of time
No, he says one day his wife will do that for him.

Advertisement

You Got:

Featured