What Does Your Taste in Pie Say About You?

By: Zoe Samuel

What Does Your Taste in Pie Say About You?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Whether you're a die hard Team Pie aficionado or simply a once-a-year for Thanksgiving sort of pie-eater, you definitely have a favorite pie. From pumpkin to pecan to Mississippi mud to something more savory, what does your choice of pie tell the world?
Would you like a slice of pie?
Yes, please
No thanks
Yes, gimme now
Just a little

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Which dessert pie do you want?
Pecan.
Key lime because it is horrible so I won't have a lot.
Pumpkin, pecan, key lime, cherry, and Mississippi mud pie.
None.

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Which savory pie do you want?
None, I want dessert.
Something low calorie
That one and that one and that one
Whatever you're serving

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Have you ever been #TeamCake?
Yes, sometimes
I still am, but I am trying to leave.
No. #TeamPie forever.
Always and forever

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What is the difference between tart and pie?
Tart is usually better.
None, both are evil.
None, both are delicious.
Tart is good, pie is bad.

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What is the difference between cake and pie?
Cake is better.
They are both monsters.
Pie is more versatile.
Cake is not horrible.

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If you saw someone throw a pie into a bad person's face right now, how would you feel?
If it was a chicken pie I would laugh. If custard, I would cry.
Amused and relieved
Furious!
Happy

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You are being served pie when the server's arm is jostled. The pie falls on the floor where it is immediately licked by the dog. Do you consider eating it?
Is it pecan? Then yes.
Ew, no
I'm sorry I can't answer right now due to my hands being full of floor pie.
Goodness no

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What consistency do you like your pie?
Creamy
Airy
Meaty
Small

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How much pie is too much?
When you have to undo a button
When you exceed your Weight Watchers points
When a button literally pops right off
Any amount

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When is pie o'clock?
8 p.m.!
6 p.m. so you can burn it off before dinner
Every hour is pie o'clock!
Technically I gotta go with 3.14 p.m., because nerd.

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Would you like another helping of pie?
Yes, please
No, thank you
Gimme now
I'm afraid I am fully satiated, alas.

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People are coming to dinner. What pie do you serve?
Mississippi mud pie
Chicken
Ham and cheese, steak and kidney, and a casserole, which for my purposes, counts as a pie.
I do not serve pie. It is horrible.

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A gluten-free person is coming to dinner. Does this affect your pie plans?
Everything is ruined by this person. I hate them!
Yes, I make a gluten-free pie. Easy!
I make three pies, one of them gluten-free.
Yes, this means I cannot serve pie, which is good.

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How many pie weights do you own?
20
A few but I don't use them.
100
Zero

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Can you crimp with the best?
Oh yeah!
I used to, alas.
I crimp with the best of the best of the best.
Ew, no.

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What do you like on the top of your pie?
A dusting of confectioner's sugar
Whipped cream, but I can't have it.
More pie
Air

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What is the saddest fate that can befall a pie?
Being eaten by someone who does not appreciate it
Being too delicious for this world
Not being finished
Being served to me, for I will not appreciate it

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Do you own a cooling rack?
I own three.
I own them but I store hard drives on them.
I own twenty.
I own two but I never put a pie on them.

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Your pie has arrived! Your neighbor at the table did not ask for pie, and now wants to eat some of yours. What do you do?
Say no, very aggressively if necessary
Give them a bite
Prepare to defend the pie that is rightfully my pie, and if anyone takes it, they better be prepared to pry it from my iron grip
Give them half

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Would you like a third helping of pie?
Yes, please
Oh, I wish, but still, no.
Gimme MORE PIE.
Please stop offering me pie. Please, just stop.

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Would you trust a store-bought pie?
Sure
No, it's probably full of salt.
Yes
It is even worse than the homemade stuff.

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If you have to go pre-fab, what is the best brand pie crust?
Mrs. Smith
Pillsbury
I am not fussy.
Whole Foods is the least awful.

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You have pie in one hand, and your phone in the other. You trip and are about to fall. You can only save one. Which one do you save?
If it is a pumpkin pie, the pie.
Reluctantly the phone
The pie
The phone, definitely

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What's your position on quiche?
It's so disappointing.
I miss it so, so much.
It is a fine kind of pie.
It is better than most pies, because it is not very pie-like.

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What is a good drink to serve with pie?
Soda
Water
Something low calorie so you can fit more pie
Something that takes away the taste

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Have you ever jumped out of a pie?
No, that sounds amazing though, if it was cherry.
I was meant to but I ate my way out instead, I couldn't resist.
No, but I would very much like to jump into a pie.
I have jumped away from a pie, does that count?

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If you could only have one pie forever, what would it be?
Probably Mississippi mud pie, but I'd miss my key limes, that's for sure.
It would be a very small pie.
It would be a giant pie, the sort of thing that they have in the song where there are four-and-twenty blackbirds in it, except instead of blackbirds, there would be segments separated by pastry, each containing a wonderful meaty deliciousness.
It would be the number Pi.

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Upon discovering your pie has a soggy bottom, how do you feel?
I cry and rend my garments.
I'm sort of sad because if you're going to eat pie, it should be good - but I'm happy because now the pie is awful and I will not overeat as readily.
I sob and vent my anger against the unfeeling gods, then I eat the pie.
Anxious

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If you could have $10,000, but you had to give up all pies forever, would you take the money?
Yes, but I would be really sad.
In a heartbeat
No, that's not enough.
I would pay a significant portion of that never to have to eat a pie again.

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