What Is Your French Name?

By: Emily Maggrett

What Is Your French Name?
Image: Pexels

About This Quiz

You don't have to know all the lyrics to "La Marseillaise" in order to be able to appreciate French culture. From their food to their architecture to their fashion to their art, the French have had an undeniably important impact on the Western world. Would you want to live in a reality without French pastry, fine wine, jaunty scarves or democracy? We didn't think so!

Because French cool is so aspirational, we bet that you've wondered what you would be like if you were a French person yourself. Would you be a celebrated avant-garde film director, famous for dressing solely in black? Or perhaps you'd be an elegant older actress, regularly winning Oscars for your thoughtful work in a series of intellectual thrillers? Or maybe you'd be a cheese maker, crafting artisanal delicacies on your farm in the heart of Provence?

Whatever your particular French fantasy is, you'll get a chance to indulge it when you take this quiz. We're going to ask you about your favorite French designers, how often you wear stripes and whether you're actually a romantic. In return for your honest answers, our supercomputer will calculate which French name fits you best. Are you ready to find out your new identity? Play this quiz!

Let's start with an extremely French question: Are you a heartbreaker?
Well ... I have my charms.
I'm not a heartbreaker. I might be a heart-bruiser, though.
No. I don't approve of hurting others.
Mais oui!

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What's your favorite French thriller?
"In the House"
"Swimming Pool"
"Cache"
"Diabolique"

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In a perfect world where you had unlimited funds, where would you live in France?
Paris
The French Riviera
The hills of Provence
Marseille

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What time do you like to eat dinner?
6 p.m. That's the normal time, right?
Dinner should be at 8.
I like to dine around 7.
I eat when I'm hungry; could be any time!

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If your best friend asked you to start a bakery with them, would you say yes?
Maybe. Would I have to invest?
I'm gonna need to see a business plan first.
But of course! They're my bestie.
Nah. I don't want to be tied down.

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Imagine you can party with any French royal, living or dead. Who would you pre-funk with?
Princess Grace, of course. She counts, right?
Louis XIV, the Sun King
How about a living royal, Prince Louis Alphonse de Bourbon, Duke of Anjou?
Marie Antoinette

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What's your typical coffee order?
Large black drip, two sugars
Double espresso with a lemon twist
Latte
Caffè mocha

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You've been casually dating all four of these French babes. Which one could you see yourself dating long-term?
Jeanine, the international stewardess
Anaïs, the professor of industrial design
Delphine, a warm school teacher
Colette, a punk singer and guitarist

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If you had a massive wine budget, which French wines would you stock up on?
Pinot Noir, naturellement
Rosé, rosé, rosé
Well-aged Cabernets
Viognier

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You inherit a farm that's been in your family for three generations. Before it can turn a profit, the farm needs extensive and expensive improvements. Do you take out a loan or sell?
I'd gamble on a loan. Fingers crossed!
I'd sell. I'm afraid of throwing good money after bad.
I'd do whatever it took to preserve the farm. It's my legacy.
I'd give the rest of the family the chance to buy me out. I don't want to be stuck on the family farm forever.

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You're cooking for a date and really want to impress them. Which of these French dishes will you make?
Chicken cordon bleu
Steak-frites
Coq au vin
Bro, I don't cook!

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What's your go-to flirtation move?
Winking
Pretending to drop something, then letting my crush retrieve it for me
Um ... nothing? I'm shy!
Putting on lip balm very slowly

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On a scale of one to Prince, how passionate are you?
8. I love life and seek to get the most out of every day.
5. I'm not that emotional of a person, although I do appreciate what I have.
7. My passions run deep, but they're there; I just don't express them openly.
3. I'm often bored by life and by other people, unfortunately.

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Which of these French names do you absolutely hate?
Alphonse
Berthe
Fulbert
Hortense

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Have you ever dated someone significantly older than you?
Once, and it was a turn-on.
Yes. Older people seem to understand me better.
No. I prefer to see people my own age; we have more in common.
No way. I prefer to date people who are younger than me!

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Imagine that hundreds of French celebrities are dying to be best friends with you. Which one of them would you choose as your BFF?
Marion Cotillard
François Truffaut
Gad Elmaleh
Eva Green

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What's your biggest, most philosophical fear?
That my life is meaningless
That humanity is essentially doomed
That I can't solve the problems facing our society
That I won't be able to handle getting old

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Of all these famous French novels, which one comes closest to telling the story of your life?
"The Count of Monte Cristo"
"The Little Prince"
"Les Miserables"
"Madame Bovary"

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In your opinion, who is the greatest French fashion designer of all time?
Christian Dior
Coco Chanel
Louis Vuitton
Jean-Paul Gaultier

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All of these French hunks just messaged you on your dating app. Which one will you actually go on a date with?
Sebastien, a professional race car driver
Emile, a witty video game designer
Gérard, a local chef
Etienne, a surly actor

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Would you rather eat french fries, pet a French bulldog or French kiss someone?
I'll take the French kiss, please.
I love French bulldogs!
Pass the french fries.
How about I make a French exit from this question?

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Nothing's more French than wearing cologne. Which one of these will you splash on?
A musky, masculine scent with bay rum
Something light and ethereal that makes me smell like the ocean
A classic citrus and vetiver scent
A bold, unforgettable perfume featuring strong notes of roses and wood

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How often do your exes slide into your DMs?
Mmm, at least once a week.
Once a month or so, but I tell them to buzz off.
What does "slide into your DMs" mean?
Oh, it's a daily occurrence (and I like it that way.)

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English is full of words that have a French origin. Which of these French-based vocabulary words tickles your fancy?
Boutique
Maneuver
Pragmatic
Voyeur

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Are you a romantic?
Yes, but that doesn't mean I'll love you forever.
No. I make decisions with my head, not my heart.
Yes. Once I love, I love deeply and permanently.
No. My heart is cold and I'm a bit of a cynic.

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Who's your favorite French chanteuse?
Edith Piaf
Serge Gainsbourg
Johnny Hallyday
Vanessa Paradis

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If the "Queer Eye" crew showed up at your house, which aspects of your decor would impress them?
Pretty much nothing. Antoni would make a face at everything in my fridge.
I think Bobby would like my art.
I have some furniture of my grandmother's that Karamo might appreciate.
I have tons of hair products, which Jonathan would love.

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Be honest: what's your most scandalous secret?
I kissed my brother's girlfriend.
I embezzled from my job.
Sometimes I forget to water my plants.
I'm having a fling with my boss.

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How often do you wear stripey French shirts?
Every time I go to the beach
Every ... day? I'm very into stripes!
Rarely
Whenever they're in fashion

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What's the craziest thing you'd do for love?
Move across the country
Say "I object" at my true love's wedding to another
Beg on my hands and knees for another chance
Um ... wait 15 minutes when my date was late?

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You Got:

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