What Kind of Wine Drunk Are You?

By: Zoe Samuel

What Kind of Wine Drunk Are You?
Image: Corina Marie Howell / Image Source / Getty Images

About This Quiz

There are as many ways to respond to being extremely drunk as there are people who get drunk on a given day. Some people are hilarious drunks, who start telling cheeky stories and proving how they're up for anything. 

Others are abrasive drunks, who endanger life and limb and ruin any party they attend. Some people are giggly drunks who just think everything is funny. Some just sit there quietly and mull over the sensations they're feeling, while not really bothering anyone.

What they all share is that there is a point at which the behavior is pretty mild, and a point at which it becomes incapacitating. Sitting quietly is one thing; falling asleep at the table is another. Telling a story is good; revealing your innermost secrets is generally not common practice at a dinner party. 

That's why it's important to know what kind of wine drunk you are, so that you know the likely consequences of failing to limit your intake and can plan accordingly. Perhaps you need to assign a friend to interrupt you, or arrange a cab. Perhaps you need to simply drink less, at least around certain people. Perhaps you're a delightful and harmless drunk and can do whatever pleases you. It's time to find out!

How often do you drink?
Most weekends
Weekly
Daily
Every now and again

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Do you always have a designated driver?
Of course
I just order a cab
Nope
I just nap in the car

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How often do you mix wine with other drinks?
A cocktail before dinner can be a nice treat!
I don't, I only like wine.
All the time.
Rarely—if there's wine, that's what I want.

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How many glasses puts an adult over the legal limit?
2
3
I don't know, six?
1

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Have you ever lost your memory to drunkenness?
I don't remember! LOL!
God, I wish
Yes, all the time
Yes, once or twice

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Have you ever drunkenly told a secret?
Oh, yes
So many times
I hear that I have, yes
No

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Has nudity ever featured in your drunken escapades?
Once or twice
Generally only with my boo
Yes, in public and private
No

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Do you drink wine on your own?
No, it's no fun that way
Not really, unless I have some left over
If I'm sad or stressed
One glass is nice in the evening

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Why do you drink wine?
It makes me feel nice
It's tasty
I need it
It's relaxing

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What's the longest you've gone without drinking wine, excluding growing up?
I'm not sure
Months
A few days
Weeks

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Have you ever thrown up from wine?
Yes, many times
Nope
Yes, more than 30 times
Not that I recall

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Can you be comfortable as the only sober person?
I doubt it
I can try
Heck, no
Of course

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Have you ever made a romantic move on someone while drunk?
Just once
Yes, more than once
"Romantic" isn't quite the right word
No

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Do your friends ever encourage you not to drink?
No, they love me drunk
Yes, they say I go on a bit!
Yes, they are worried about me
Only if I need to concentrate

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Have you ever hurt yourself while drunk?
Only a little
Only my reputation
Yes, in dangerous ways
No

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Have you ever sent a tipsy message you regretted?
Yes but only silly ones that seemed funny at the time
No, I don't bother regret such things
Yes, many times
I have never done this

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Is there a night in your past of which your extended friend group has tacitly agreed not to speak?
There is one in particular
There might be a few
There are whole periods of time like this
Not to my knowledge

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Have you ever really hurt someone's feelings while drunk?
Yes, I made a joke at their expense
Yes, I told a story they wanted private
Yes, I yelled at them and was mean
No

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What major life event have you gone through with zero alcohol?
A close relative's funeral
My own wedding
None
Most of them

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Have you ever intentionally saved space in your diet for wine?
Yes, you have to—it's full of calories!
I don't count such things
No, I haven't got that kind of foresight
No, I consider it extra

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Have you ever done something while drunk that everyone agrees really isn't like you?
Yes, a lot of things, but mostly harmless ones
They generally say it's like me, but more
I hope they think those things are "not like me"
Not that I can recall

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Are other people more or less interesting when you're drunk?
Way more!
I'm more interesting, I can't speak for other people
Quite a bit more
They're duller

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Do you find yourself funnier when you're drunk?
When I am drunk, I am the funniest person in the universe!
I'm already quite funny, but yes.
I do, yes ... until I don't.
Not really

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How vulnerable are you to hangovers?
About average, I think
Not at all
More as I get older
More than seems fair

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How big of a wine snob are you?
Not much of one
Huge
If it's grape, I want it!
Moderate

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The first time you drank wine, did you like it?
Very much!
No, it was an acquired taste that I only had to be polite.
No but I soldiered on anyway!
Yes, it was tasty.

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What's a good reason to not drink for a while?
You made a bet
You don't feel like it
You have a court case pending
You're dieting

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How often do you joke about needing a big ol' glass of wine?
Daily
Every so often
It's not a joke
Never

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Have you ever lost something valuable while drunk?
Only my dignity!
Yes, my sense of direction!
Yes, many things, including friends.
Every so often I mislay something while drunk, like my wallet.

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If you go to a party at someone's home and have some drinks, do you typically expect to get invited back?
Sure
Sometimes
No, I know when I've blown it
Depends on the friend!

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You Got:

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