Image: Todd Ryburn Photography / Moment / Getty Images
About This Quiz
At our best, humans can be incredibly brave, wonderfully generous, impressively creative and surprisingly kind. Just think about Mr. Rogers, who managed to be all those things at once! However, at our worst, humans can sink to depressing lows, abusing and killing as well as degrading those who dare to be different from us.
But this quiz isn't about that! It's about how we act when we're having a bad day. Sometimes, despite our best intentions, we can be as vicious as vipers, as angry as hornets or as mean as junkyard dogs. Think of how you react when someone cuts you off in traffic. All of a sudden, another side of you emerges, one that is petty, vindictive and rather savage. Or maybe you find out that a friend stole your best client. For a moment, you might feel ready to rake your nails across their face like a furious lion.
In this quiz, we're going to find out which predator you act like when you're at your worst by asking you how you'd react in a number of stressful hypothetical situations. When the shinola hits the fan, how do you behave? By the end of the quiz, we'll be able to tell you which animal embodies the spirit of your anger, so you can understand more about how others see you. Ready to expose your dark side? Let's play!
Imagine you're a vegetarian. Your new and otherwise fantastic boyfriend reveals that he's an avid hunter who loves the thrill of shooting prey. Do you break up with him?
No, but I nag him until he stops hunting.
Yes, I dump him and then rat him out on social media.
I don't break up with him immediately; instead, I wait and then dump him on Valentine's Day.
I tell him it doesn't bother me, then I suddenly break up with him three months later.
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You're a new mom of an adorable adopted baby girl. At the grocery store, another woman asks you if you're your daughter's nanny. How do you react?
I ask her if she was raised in a barn.
I turn to the people next to me and inquire, "Did she really say that?"
I say, "No, I'm her mother. Are you a nanny or housekeeper? I'm hiring."
I say, "Wow," and then just stare at her until she blushes.
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After putting in many long nights on an important work project, it's finally time to present it to the board. However, your manager asks that you not be part of the presentation because "you're so awkward." What do you do?
I say, "Okay, but you're also a weak presenter, due to your sloppy appearance. So maybe we should team up?"
I go above her head and complain about her to the CEO.
I ask her to email me her concerns and then I secretly forward that email to HR.
I agree in the moment but show up to the presentation anyway and hijack it from her.
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If you'd been waiting in line for two hours for an incredible amusement park ride and an elderly woman cut in front of you, what would you say to her?
"Watch it, you old bag!"
"That's not fair!" Then I'd get everyone in line to yell at her.
"Excuse me, but this isn't where the line ends."
I wouldn't say anything, but I'd shoulder-check her.
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You're driving in a new city and someone is tailgating you. You have to stop suddenly to let a child cross the street and the tailgater rear-ends you. How do you react?
I scream at them until they cry.
I point out that the tailgater almost killed a child and report them to the police.
I act calm but hit them with a massive insurance claim.
I lose it and key their car.
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Your son just won his first hockey game. You run out to the rink to hug him and he pushes you away, saying "not in front of the team!" How do you deal?
I call him an ungrateful little jerk.
I share my story with the other team parents and we mock him until I feel better.
I don't say anything but make sure we eat his least favorite meals for a week.
I give him a great big smooch in front of everyone, just to embarrass him.
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If you found out your sweetie had taken out a new credit card in order to buy you a gorgeous watch for Valentine's Day, what would you say?
"Honey, I appreciate the thought, but only an idiot would use a card with that kind of interest rate."
I wouldn't say anything until the next time we were at a dinner party. Then I'd razz them about it in front of our friends.
"What a great gift. Were you planning on taking a second job in order to pay for it?"
I'd throw the watch on the floor and say, "We can't afford this!"
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Your best friend's haircut is very dorky. Nonetheless, you compliment it and they offer to pay for you to get the same one. What do you do?
I say, "Thanks but no thanks, if you know what I mean."
I get another friend to tell them the truth: I don't like the cut at all.
I go through with getting the haircut but blow my friend off for months as revenge.
I thank them, but don't show up to the salon on the day of the appointment.
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At the gym, you overhear a personal trainer recommending a dangerous diet to a young client. Do you intervene or let it go?
I say, "I didn't realize the gym paid you to give teenagers eating disorders."
I circulate a petition among the gym members that calls for the trainer to be fired.
I don't intervene in the moment, but I report the incident to the gym's owners.
I start taping the conversation with my phone, making the trainer feel confused and threatened.
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Your mother-in-law asks you to have a spa day with her on her dime. Twist: when you get there, you discover it's a nude spa. What's your move?
I say, "Sharon, this is totally inappropriate. Are you a perv or something?"
I call my mother and get her to yell at my mother-in-law on my behalf.
I tolerate the spa day but later complain it, using it as an excuse to limit contact with my in-laws.
I have a massive panic attack and awkwardly flee the scene.
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A tiny dog keeps breaking into your house via the cat door and eating your cat's food. How do you deal with him?
I scold him loudly every time I catch him in the house, even though he seems to actually enjoy this.
I make a nasty post about the dog on NextDoor in the hopes that his owner sees it.
I move my cat's food into a different room. Eventually, the dog stops visiting.
I make friends with the dog. He's really cute!
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You fall in love with someone over the internet and proceed to send them a fair amount of money. One day you find out that your love is actually a teenage neighbor who was catfishing you. Do you report them to the police?
No. Instead, I pose as an Instagram influencer and catfish them back. Then I share humiliating screenshots of our romance on social media.
Yes. It's embarrassing but that kid needs to be punished!
No. Rather, I tearfully confess the entire situation to the parents. With subtle tact, I suggest that they send their child to military school.
Yes. I also take the parents to small claims court so I can get back my money.
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Imagine you're in high school. By teaming up with a certain classmate, you could win the science fair. But you hate this classmate! Do you join forces anyway?
Yes, but it's hard for me. I end up passive-aggressively criticizing every choice my partner makes until they quit.
No. I can't be seen associating with a nerd!
Yes. But I make sure school officials receive the impression that I did most of the work.
Yes. Screw it, let's win the science fair!
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At your big, splashy wedding, your cousin shows up wearing white. She then gets drunk at the reception and mocks your new spouse. Do you kick her out?
Yes. But first, I recite a list of her misdeeds into the mic so that everyone knows what a skag she is.
My bridesmaids and I dump a bowl of punch over her head, then show her the door.
I don't say anything, but put lots of energy into looking wounded. Eventually, my friends and family rally around me and force her to leave the reception.
I ignore her. Sometimes when a crazy person hates you, it's best to wait for everyone else to figure out she's crazy, rather than retaliating.
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You're running for office and having a secret affair with your rival! Another political enemy threatens to expose your secret. What do you do?
I have my campaign manager spread a rumor that my enemy is the one having an affair.
I tell my enemy that if they harm my reputation, they'll never work in this town again.
I call the press and tell them that my enemy is trying to blackmail me, thus ruining their career.
I shrug. My rival and I are both single so whatever.
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A waiter gives your grandmother real coffee instead of decaf as she requested. You confront the waiter and he refuses to apologize. Do you yell at him?
No, but I ask to speak to his manager.
Yes, and I get my grandmother to join in.
No, but I post a scathing Yelp review.
Yes, and I throw the coffee on the ground!
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Your out-of-work spouse rarely cleans the house, instead spending most of their time playing Frisbee golf with friends. You mention the house is dirty and they ask if you can hire a housekeeper. What do you say?
I tell them that until they get a job and stop freeloading off me, they're the housekeeper.
I write to Dear Prudence about it and then shame my spouse with all the indignant comments about them.
I hire a very attractive housekeeper and flirt with them in front of my spouse until they ask that I let the housekeeper go.
I tell them they're free to hire a housekeeper if they can pay for it themselves. Then I trash the house every chance I get.
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At a party, your friend asks you to hold her baby. You agree. While you're holding the baby, he pukes, ruining your expensive blazer. Do you send your friend a dry cleaning bill?
Yes. She's responsible for her child's actions!
No, but I gossip about it to our mutual friends and imply she's awful for not offering to pay the bill.
I tell her not to worry about it. A year later, I spill coffee "by accident" on her silk dress.
I send her a dry cleaning bill but later regret it. The baby couldn't help it.
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Imagine you're volunteering to sit in a dunking booth for charity. As a prank, your son gets dozens of his friends to pay to dunk you. Do you ground him?
Yes. I won't tolerate disrespect.
Yes. He shouldn't have humiliated me in front of everyone.
No. But I refuse to keep paying his phone bill.
No. The money is going to charity, after all. Later, as revenge, I replace his body lotion with Icy Hot.
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You're on a date with a pretty woman. It's going well until she reveals that she cooks all her meat by microwaving it. Would you ask her out again?
No. In fact, I'd probably read her the riot act for profaning meat in that fashion.
No. I'd write a satirical essay about the experience and post it on Medium.
Maybe. After all, if we get married, I can learn to survive on take-out.
Definitely. That's a wild personality quirk and I'm a big fan of other weirdos.
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If you became rich overnight, would you pay off your siblings' debts or save all your money for yourself?
I'd keep all the money!
I'd tell them I'd loan them the money but I'd never follow through.
I would pay off some of my siblings' debts but only so that I could have some control over them.
I'd refuse to help my siblings but I would donate a large amount to my local food bank, enraging my family.
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Pretend you're divorced. You find out through mutual friends that your ex is letting your young children play with firecrackers. Unfortunately, your ex freaks out whenever anyone criticizes their parenting. How do you handle it?
I call my ex up and threaten to call Child Protective Services if they don't change their ways.
I call my ex's parents and convince them to help me protect their grandchildren by vetoing fireworks on my ex's property.
I record the incident and use it to get custody of my kids.
I contact my ex's neighborhood association and report their actions to them.
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Would you rather be loved at your job but poorly paid or well-paid but hated by your coworkers?
Well-paid but hated.
Loved but poorly paid.
Well-paid and loved (if possible).
As long as I had a job, I wouldn't care.
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The only way to avoid running over an adorable puppy is to swerve your car into an ancient yet beautiful magnolia tree. You know the impact would destroy the tree. What do you do?
I hit the puppy instead of the tree. It would be a shame to lose such a stunning specimen.
I choose to destroy the tree and force everyone I know to validate this choice.
I hit the tree instead of the puppy. Later, I claim someone else was driving.
I try to avoid hitting the puppy or the tree and accidentally hit both.
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You join forces with a young businessman to produce a music festival. The event is a disaster, featuring environmental catastrophes, fraud and wild dogs. Many workers go unpaid. Do you pay them back out of your own pocket or claim you were bamboozled?
I attempt to pay the workers back while simultaneously suing my partner.
I claim I too was hustled, scammed and bamboozled (and don't pay the workers).
I pay no one back. Instead, I focus on destroying my partner's reputation.
I start a GoFundMe for the workers but don't actually contribute to it.
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Ten bikers enter the bar you're in and say that they won't rob you if you compete against their leader in a drinking contest. Do you agree?
No. I ask them if they're nuts and throw my wallet at them in disgust.
No. I attempt to charm the bikers into letting me not compete OR get robbed.
No. Sometimes it's better to hand over your wallet and walk away.
Of course I agree! I also win.
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An old lady asks for your help crossing the street. She then tries to steal your wallet. When you catch her, she cries and says she can't afford food. Do you make a citizen's arrest?
No, but I mildly criticize her.
No, but I loudly accuse her of being a thief, making her feel shame.
No, but I don't give her any money either.
Yes. Stealing is bad! Later I change my mind and send her some cash.
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You're at a concert featuring your favorite band. A very tall man sits down in front of you, blocking your view. Do you ask him to swap seats with the person next to him?
No, because then my neighbor's view would be blocked. Instead I just sigh repeatedly.
No, but I complain loudly about him blocking me until he swaps seats out of shame.
No. I just look sad until my neighbor nags him on my behalf.
Yes. I want to see!
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Your mother accidentally sends an insulting email about you to everyone on her contact list. It maligns your character, weight, partner ... everything. How do you react?
I respond with a detailed and devastating list of her own shortcomings.
Outraged, I forward the email to everyone on MY contact list, and wait for the sympathy to roll in.
I scoff at her privately and resolve to never again buy my mother a present that costs more than $5.
I don't write back; in fact, I never speak to her again.
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Imagine your partner was perfect in every way, except for their habit of licking light switches in public. Would you stay or go?
I'd go. That's too weird for me.
I'd dump them. What would people think if they saw me with this loser?
I'd stay, but I'd try to see if I could train them out of this odd habit.
Are you kidding? I'd obviously stay with them.
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