What’s Your Angel Name?

By: Zoe Samuel

What’s Your Angel Name?
Image: piranka / E+ / Getty Images

About This Quiz

There are traditionally nine kinds of angels: Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones, Dominions, Powers, Principalities, Virtues, Archangels and just regular Angels. However, this is in the Christian tradition, so the Jewish and Islamic traditions can vary a little — and of course, angels often appear in multiple sources in which they are listed differently. For example, Uriel is a seraph and a cherub in some of his stories and a "mere" archangel in other tales.

Angels of different types and levels perform different divine functions. Their personalities also inform what sphere of human or angelic activity they patronize, from the arts to the sciences to war to all manner of other pursuits. Then, of course, we get to the one-third of the heavenly host who walked out when God's beloved Lucifer, the Morning Star himself, stirred up a rebellion against the divine rule; they are still originally angels, but they're now also devils, playing a different role within the divine plan.

All this means that, whatever your personality, there's an angel who might be a great inspiration for you. If you love to work hard and you get plenty of recognition, but you don't see yourself as the ultimate leader, you're a Michael. If you're just into getting things done without any attention at all, you might be the record-keeper Pravuil. Tell us a little about you, and we'll figure out just what name will be inscribed for you in the angelic pantheon!

Could you throw someone into Hell?
Yes, if they deserve it.
Yes, if they asked nicely.
Probably not
If I had to

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If you thought God was being unreasonable, what would you do about it?
Nothing. He knows what's up.
Walk the heck out of there!
Make a note of it
Ask Him what's up. I'd get an explanation.

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What is your area of angelic patronage?
Death and the military
Freedom, so to speak
Records
Poetry, arts and sciences

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Which sin do you dislike most?
The sin of pride
I quite like most of them.
The sin of forgetting history and repeating it
The sin of anger

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Which human civilization would suit you best?
Modern America is my jam!
The Byzantine Empire would be a good time for me.
The Nordic countries in the 21st century. I'm organized, like them.
The Roman Empire for me, please!

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What divine job sounds like a fit for you?
Killing bad guys (human or devil as needed)
Bringing about the Fall
Writing down the word of God
Guarding the gates of Eden

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Do you know how to wield a sword, whether fiery or not?
Yes, I'm the best!
I fear I am the second best at this.
I've never tried.
I hold my own.

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Have you ever been expelled from a school?
No, I was an honors student in every subject.
Yes, but in my defense, just the one.
No, they never noticed me enough to bother expel me.
No, but I was occasionally naughty.

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What would you like a human to say when they see you?
"Don't kill me!"
"Hello, innocuous-looking guy or gal who is in no way suspicious!"
Nothing
"What can I do to serve God?"

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What sort of miracle would be your calling card?
Killing villains
Whatever is needed
Reminding people of where lost things are
Giving artists inspiration

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What industry do you belong to in the real world?
Military
Finance
Arts
Sciences

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How often do you mislay your keys?
Often
Did I lose them or chuck them in a hole on purpose?
I haven't yet, but I don't exclude the possibility.
Never

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When the heavenly host fight the denizens of hell, where would you be?
Front and center
Reluctantly in the thick of it
At the back
Somewhere important, commanding a battalion

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What's your involvement in the Ten Plagues?
I helped kill the cattle.
I just watched the fun.
I made sure we remembered which order we did them in.
I helped mark the innocents during the last one.

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How do you feel about your current name recognition?
It's pretty great, actually.
It's universal, which is great.
It's terrible, which I love.
It's not as good as it should be.

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Do you have plenty of nicknames?
Fewer than you'd think
Millions of them
No, I have none.
I'd like more.

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Be honest: Do you think you'd have seen the Fall coming before it happened?
Probably not
Definitely
Oh, I did.
It would depend how close I was to the action.

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What item do you always have on you?
Weapon
Credit card
Pen
Book

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You have an hour to kill, so you pick up some reading material. What is it?
Fiction
Newspaper
Biography
Poetry

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How often are you punctual?
Always
I'm always early.
I'm always perfectly on time.
Not often

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How high-ranked an angel would you like to be?
I'd be very high up but never seek to overthrow the order.
The highest
I'd want to be lower down, just doing a job.
Depends on my mood

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When would be a good feast day for you?
September
May
I'm not fussy.
November

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Would you be a "prince of the presence" (that is, an angel capable of entering the presence of God)?
Totally
Yes, but I wouldn't like it.
No, thanks!
Probably

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In your angelic form, what would you say to God if you could speak to Him?
"What do You want from me?"
"I don't think so, buddy."
"One more time, but a little slower."
"OK, I did it. What's next?"

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How do you feel about the Almighty's benevolence toward humanity?
It's weird considering how superior angels are, but I don't like to second-guess it.
It's ridiculous and unfair.
It's not my prerogative to comment.
I love them, so I get where He is coming from.

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What part of the world do you like best?
Anywhere there's a chance for heroism
Anywhere with plenty of money
Anywhere with libraries
Anywhere that values science

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What's the biggest mistake you ever made?
I've never made a mistake.
I told my overbearing dad what I think of him.
It was probably academic.
I told a bad guy where to find his victim.

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Which book — Biblical or otherwise — featuring angels do you particularly like?
Revelation
Paradise Lost
Ezekiel
Song of Solomon

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Which ancient empire really rubs you the wrong way?
Persian
Greek
Babylonian
Assyrian

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Which heavenly body would you like to patronize?
The sun
The morning star
Ultima Thule
Mars

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