What's Your Civil War Military Job?

By: Zoe Samuel

What's Your Civil War Military Job?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

The American Civil War, which took place in the 1860s, happened because President Lincoln emancipated the slaves kept in the US, a move that angered southern states that depended on slave labor for centuries. 

Interestingly, all this took place in a time when mechanization was beginning to take hold, a change that could have obviated the need for slaves in most agriculture in just a few decades, had the war not happened. This massive technological revolution didn't just give people new farming technology, it gave them Dr. Gatling's gun, TNT, and mass production of rifling.  

As a result, the war saw more Americans die as a proportion of the population than any other war, with staggering numbers of war dead rushing headlong into gunfire as strategies reminiscent of the Napoleonic Wars played out on American farmland.

Into this poured immigrants fleeing serfdom in Europe, Americans bent on manifest destiny, patriotic idealists, and thieves. The Civil War produced the Pinkerton Detective Agency, a forerunner of the FBI. The war became one of the first major markets for morphine (resulting in the first generation of large-scale opiate addiction in the US), and the war was the genesis of a criminal whose exploits inspired the creation of the fictional Professor Moriarty.

How would you fare in this crucible? Answer some questions and we will tell you what you'd do for a living if you were in the thick of the American Civil War!

Could you kill another human being?
No way.
If it was me or them, yeah.
So long as I can't see them well enough to remember their faces.
Easily.

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How honest are you?
Mostly, but sometimes you have to temper bad news.
Heh-heh. Totally dishonest.
I do not lie. Ever.
No more or less than the next man.

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How do you listen to music?
I wear noise cancelling headphones.
I listen when I drive.
I put in ear buds and blast my music with the bass turned up.
I don't.

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How ruthless are you?
When it comes to my job, I'll grin and bear it when I have to.
Oh, I'd sell out my siblings for a buck.
Not really at all.
It's easiest to be ruthless when your enemies are asleep, in the night.

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How's your bedside manner?
Excellent.
Terrible.
I can't lie well enough to put people at ease.
I don't have one.

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How good an actor are you?
No good at all.
Excellent.
I'm okay I guess.
I'm better at being a quiet member of the audience.

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How are your math skills?
They're pretty good.
I can count money, and that's all I need.
I'm good at proportions.
I'm very good at subtraction.

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How patient are you?
I can't afford to be too patient.
I'm very impatient.
My patience only goes so far.
As patient as the grave.

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How strong is your stomach?
Very strong.
Not strong at all. I can't even handle coffee.
It's not great.
I'm fine.

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How fast can you run?
Not fast at all.
Really fast.
About the average speed.
Fast enough, but no one can outrun a bullet.

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How calm are you when you're under pressure?
I can steady myself when I need to.
I crack like an egg.
I can usually work well under moderate pressure, if I'm used to it.
I have ice in my veins.

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Do you work well as part of a team?
If I'm in charge.
I just don't like to work.
Yes, absolutely.
I'd rather work alone.

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Can you handle complex jobs all on your own?
If I must.
Complexity isn't my thing.
No, I need a team.
That's my forte.

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How good of a leader are you?
I command respect through my abilities.
I'm a terrible leader, but a good retreater.
I can step up I suppose, if I have to.
I don't play well with others, any others.

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Have you ever lied on your taxes or the like?
Gosh, no.
I don't pay my taxes.
I did once, by mistake.
Who hasn't?

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How organized and careful are you?
It's of the utmost importance to me.
Organized? No. Careful? Very.
I'm careful and organized. I wouldn't want something to blow up in my face.
I'm organized enough, and careful about my work.

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How steady are your hands?
When they shake, a good stiff drink helps.
Not steady at all. Unless I'm playing cards. Then they're fine.
They aren't very good.
As still as the dead of night.

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How strong is your arm?
Very strong. I could be a lumberjack.
Awful. I survive on my wits.
I'm about average.
I can lift myself up a rope.

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How wily are you?
Not very.
That's my specialty.
Not at all.
I can be wily when it comes to puzzle solving.

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How effective are you in chaotic situations?
I cut through the BS.
I thrive on chaos.
If there's a plan, I'll execute it.
I'm the god of chaos.

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Could you follow an immoral order?
No, never.
I don't do orders at all.
Yes, sure.
All war is immoral.

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Who was your favorite Civil War general?
Grant
Lee
"Fightin' Joe" Hooker
Sherman

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Do you think that Booth worked alone?
I don't know enough to say.
No way.
That's what the papers say.
It only takes one man.

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If you had to do government work, which of these jobs would you like today?
CDC technician.
CIA Case Officer.
DARPA engineer.
Marine.

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When would have been the optimal time for the emancipation of the slaves?
July 4, 1776.
It should have just never happened.
I think there was never a "good" time. Any time would have meant civil war.
Given what we now know, it would have been better later, but then the world wouldn't have had Lincoln, who was willing to do it, and another generation of people would live in bondage, which would be an atrocity.

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What was the worst blunder of the Civil War?
Inventing the Gatling Gun.
When both sides didn't just bug out.
McClellan at Antietam.
Lee at Gettysburg.

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Which US President do you like best?
FDR
Nixon
Reagan
Washington

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What field are you in now?
Science.
I'm taking the 5th on that one.
I work in logistics.
I'm a freelance creative.

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How old are you?
40
20
17
30

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What Western do you think best reflects the Civil War era?
None.
"Unforgiven"
"The Outlaw Josey Wales"
"The Searchers"

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You Got:

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