What's Your Goddess Name?

By: Zoe Samuel

What's Your Goddess Name?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Disney has done a great deal to promote the idea that the best thing you can be is a princess. Sheryl Sandberg has promoted the idea of being the C-level executive. Oprah wants women to be every sort of inspirational that a woman can be. 

Still, while you're adopting all of those roles, it's important not to forget that what you really have going for you is that on some level, you're a goddess. That is, you have a spark of divine fire in you that means you don't have to take any crap from anyone, and you can fulfill your potential without apologizing for your ambition and drive.

Still, not all goddesses are the same. Some are loving and nurturing - not because they have to be, but because they choose to be. Some are wrathful and judgmental, demanding perfection from their followers. Some decide to patronize fertility, family, or hearth and home, while others focus on education, work, hunting, or all manner of other aspects of the human condition. 

Which area a goddess chooses to focus on depends entirely on her personality, her priorities, and what she expects from the people around her. Tell us how you feel about all of that, and we'll help you find your goddess name!

What kind of doctor would you be?
A surgeon.
Pathologist.
A GP.
A dermatologist.

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How do you like to be depicted?
In stone relief.
In epic poems.
In statuary.
In illustrations.

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How educated are you?
I'm wise beyond my education.
I graduated from college.
I have more degrees than a compass.
Not very.

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What's your relationship with your mother like?
Great!
We don't speak often.
I don't have one.
I don't need one.

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Will your worshipers be persecuted?
No, quit the opposite.
No, I think they'll be the ones burning and sacrificing people.
Probably.
Not if I favor them.

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Where should people pray to you?
In government buildings.
In a cemetery.
In a library.
In the home.

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What sort of person asks you for advice?
Powerful people.
Powerless people.
Idiots.
Housewives.

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What should people sacrifice to you?
Money.
People.
Ideas.
Furniture.

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Where do you work?
In politics.
In the funerary business.
In Academia.
I'm retired.

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Who is a prominent follower of yours today?
Gina Haspel.
Sue Hutton, of Rhea's Obsession.
Sheryl Sandberg.
Martha Stewart.

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How do you feel about the general concept of war?
It's great!
It provides me with work.
It's dumb.
It's such a waste.

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What color is your shrine?
Red, like blood.
White, like death.
Green, and calming.
Cream, except for where it might get dirty. There it should be black, and easy to clean.

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What kind of house would you like to live in?
A palace.
An apartment.
A dormitory.
A mansion.

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Is there any sin you couldn't forgive?
Turning down power.
No.
Stupidity.
Working too hard.

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How accomplished are you?
I've done it all.
I have a big job, in a small niche.
In my field, I'm the leader.
I don't do much.

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How goth are you?
Not at all.
Very.
I was when I was a teen.
I have nothing to be sad about.

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Do you want for anything?
I can have anything I want.
I wish I had a better job.
I'm always hungry for knowledge.
Nope.

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How wealthy are you?
I don't need money.
I'm not too wealthy.
I have a city.
I want for nothing.

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How long is your holy book?
500 pages.
100 pages.
Which volume?
It's more of a magazine really.

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How will you appear to your worshipers?
In a ball of fire.
In darkness.
In a halo, coming from on high.
In my living room.

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How much time should your worshipers spend reading?
Only enough to act.
Don't bother.
As much time as possible.
As much as is pleasant.

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What lifestyle do you endorse?
The pursuit of power.
Living hard, for pleasure.
Academia.
Marriage and comfort.

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What's your best physical characteristic?
I'm in perfect health, great shape, and I look good.
My skin never sees the sun.
I have good bone structure.
I have very soft skin.

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What's your relationship with your spouse like?
I'm the important one.
I'm unmarried.
I don't need anyone.
I'm the wind beneath his wings, and I'm the one with the money.

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What kind of lawyer would you be?
International law specialist.
I'd do wills.
Patent attorney.
Divorce lawyer.

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How will you reward the faithful?
With power.
With long life.
With wisdom.
You get a car! And you get a car! And you get a car!

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Do your values suit modern life?
For some people, yes.
Not really.
Yes, for almost anyone.
Yes, but it may not last.

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Do you want your worshipers to suffer in this life, or in the next?
The next, surely.
It doesn't matter. They will suffer in both.
This life.
They should not suffer.

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Did you get your job because of nepotism?
No! I made my own way in the world!
My father got it for me.
I could have, but I didn't need that.
Job? I don't work!

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What's your IQ?
145
100
200
110

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You Got:

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