What's Your Irish Name?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
3 min
What's Your Irish Name?
Image: Mariano Sayno / husayno.com/Moment/Getty Images

About This Quiz

Ireland is a beautiful country, full of truly delicious beer, magnificent horses that roam relatively freely, and very friendly and industrious people worrying rather intensely about Brexit. It is a land with a long history of producing inventors and artists far out of proportion to its population, a product of being simultaneously very wealthy by historical standards - meaning there was a leisure class with time to innovate - and also fairly oppressed by the standards of wealthy nations - meaning there was a lot to write about or attempt to improve. Irish formed a large portion of immigrants coming to the early United States of America, and have influenced all sorts of American traditions and institutions. Indeed, St. Patrick's Day in New England is sometimes an even bigger deal than back home.

Modern Ireland is also a very progressive nation, that blends its Catholic roots with a modern outlook. This means a national health care system, twin referenda that delivered landslide results in favor of abortion rights and LGBT marriage equality, and an education system that looks after everyone. It also means a diverse and entrepreneurial environment that welcomes people of all races and backgrounds, meaning that no matter where you're from or what you look like, if you're willing to work hard, play harder and sing loudly in Gaelic, you can be Irish. All you need to get started is your Irish name - so let's figure it out!

How Catholic are you?
Very!
Super duper
Not a bit
Average
Do you ever break the rules?
A little
Never!
Of course, when I have to.
Of course, for funsies.
Do you mind a changing Ireland?
It doesn't bother me
I hate it!
I love it!
I can deal.

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What beer do you like?
Murphy's Irish Stout
Guinness
Killkenny
Smithwick's
What do you do on St. Patrick's Day?
Drink!
Pray
March for human rights!
Pickpocket drunk people.
Last time you met a leprechaun, what wish did you ask for?
World peace
Discipline
Success
Money

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If you found a four-leaf clover and didn't need the luck that day, to whom would you give it?
My boo
My priest
Someone oppressed
My bestie
Have you ever thought of starting your own business?
Only as an idle thought
Nope
Already did!
Yeah, all the time
What sort of horse do you have?
Hanoverian
Draft horse
A share in a thoroughbred
Belgian warmblood

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Ireland keeps electing women to its presidency. What's your view on that?
I dig it!
I am uncomfortable.
It is the only way forward.
I think it is a net good.
How do you feel about Ireland's "Celtic Tiger" economic boom, that transformed the country?
It's good, mostly.
It's a little weird.
It's entirely awesome!
I don't really know about the economy.
Did you vote in Ireland's recent referenda on gay marriage and abortion rights?
Yes, I wobbled but ultimately voted for.
Yes, I voted against.
Yes, I marched and organized on the "yes" side.
I don't vote.

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What sort of Irish house do you like to live in?
Nice sprawling farmhouse
Cottage in a little village
Snazzy Dublin warehouse conversion
Ruined castle that I restored
Which Irish county do you like best?
Kildare
Galway
Wicklow
Wexford
How many drinks is too many?
7
No amount!
3
12

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How mad (or not) are you about the Brits dumping Brexit on you?
Kinda annoyed
Mad? I'm delighted!
I'm spitting anger.
I'm pretty mad.
Which British national hero do you wish they'd stop saying is a good guy?
Churchill
Cromwell
Mary the First
Elizabeth the First
Which Irish hero do you strive to be like?
St Patrick
St Ignatius
Inventor John Joly
Gráinne Ó Máille, the pirate queen!

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What do you think of Leo Varadkar, the Irish PM?
He's OK.
He's a degenerate.
He's awesome!
He's rather uptight about the whole lawbreaking thing.
Do you look good in shorts?
No, I look like a flamingo.
No, I look like a stork.
Sure!
I don't wear shorts.
When is the last time you were in church that wasn't for a wedding, funeral or baptism?
Last Sunday
Today
Never
A couple Sundays ago

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What's your favorite Irish landmark?
Dingle Peninsula
Giant's Causeway
Guinness Storehouse
Cliffs of Moher
In which of the following would you most like to spend a day?
Home
Racetrack
Gym
Spa
In what outfit do you feel your truest self come out?
Suit
Traditional folk garb
Jeans and shirt
Gorgeous but practical dress

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How do you feel about America?
I like America!
I hate and fear America.
I love America!
I do not think about America.
What's your view on Germany?
I resent Germany.
I hate and fear Germany.
I love them now, I hope they keep on as they are.
I think they are chumps.
What's your idea of a heatwave?
Over 70F
Over 60F
Over 85F
Over 77F

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Who is the person that Ireland should really encourage to go to Britain and never come back?
Everyone in U2, though Britain isn't far enough and they should go to the moon.
Comedian Dara O'Briain, he's annoying.
Jedward, the irritating singing duo
Colin Farrell. Screw that guy.
What super Irish sport do you adore?
Soccer
Racing
E-gaming
Hurling
What's the best Irish invention?
Tractor
Chocolate milk
Hypodermic syringe
Submarine

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You Got: