Which Animal Are You When You're in Love?

By: Emily Maggrett
Estimated Completion Time
9 min
What's the meanest thing you've ever done to an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend?
I left town without a word instead of breaking up with them.
I sent racy texts to their best friend without caring whether I got caught.
Once I bought my ex Cheetos instead of Flaming Hot Cheetos.
After my ex broke up with me, I spread a rumor that I actually dumped them for their uncontrollable farting.

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At your high school prom, you notice an attractive stranger dancing with your date in a very touchy-feely way. What do you do?
I rip their hands off my date and start grinding on him or her myself.
I shrug. If my date didn't like it, they'd tell the stranger to stop, right?
I start crying and drink an entire gallon of punch.
I get angry and start dancing with a different attractive stranger, hoping to make my date jealous.

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Would you rather cuddle with your sweetie for six hours under a beautiful blanket or go to a chilly but cool boat party featuring free champagne and caviar?
I'd go to the boat party. Drinking and dancing will keep me warm.
I never turn down free champagne!
I love cuddling, so give me the blanket option.
I'd prefer to spend the evening doing some cozy cuddling, but I'd feel kind of boring if I didn't go to the party for a little while.

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Are you high-strung? Which "Ferris Bueller" character would you be?
I'd be Boy in Police Station (Charlie Sheen), because I'm not high-strung at all.
I'd be Ferris (Matthew Broderick), because I'm a bit nervous but cool-headed.
I'd be Sloane (Mia Sara), because I'm not very anxious as long as I'm with my partner.
I'd be Cameron (Alan Ruck), because I'm a nervous wreck!

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What do people find hot about you?
My confidence
My smoothly muscled body
My sweetness
My beautiful clothes

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If you were an animal sidekick in a Disney movie, which one would you be?
Bagheera the Panther ("Jungle Book")
Sebastian the Lobster ("Little Mermaid")
Patch ("101 Dalmatians")
Zazu ("Lion King")

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Which of these unusual meats have you eaten?
Frog
Shark
Kangaroo
Goose

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A rich stranger offers you a million dollars to stay in bed for one year. You wouldn't be allowed to visit with anyone besides your partner and you'd be banned from using email or social media. Do you say yes?
No, that sounds like torture. You can't put a price on freedom.
Nope. I want the money, but I know I'd go crazy after a week.
Yes. To be honest, this is kind of my fantasy life.
I think it would be a struggle, but I'd do it for the million.

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Would you rather party with Rihanna or with Drake?
Rihanna. Who's better than Rihanna?
Drake! I find Rihanna intimidating.
Drake. I want to ask him about his days on "Degrassi: The Next Generation."
Rihanna. She's one of the most fascinating women in the world and I love her style.

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Imagine you're single and going to college. One day, you meet an attractive classmate with two equally attractive friends. All three of them are interested in you. What do you do?
I'd wait to see which one I had the best connection with, then pounce.
To be honest, I'd date them all.
I'd avoid this group. Sounds like too much potential drama.
I'd get very nervous, fail to make up my mind and accidentally create a very awkward situation!

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Do you like to spoil your partners, or do you think YOU should be the spoiled one?
I don't like admitting that I enjoy being spoiled, but I do.
If my partners don't spoil me, they're gone.
I'm the spoiler and I'm fine with that.
I spoil my partners but prefer getting spoiled!

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If a murderer were chasing you, could you climb a tree to escape them? How high?
I'd climb as high as I needed to. Heights don't scare me!
I'm not good at climbing trees, so I guess I'd get murdered.
I'd climb fairly high, but if I went too far, I'd be worried about the branches breaking.
I'd run so fast, it would look like I was flying.

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When it comes to cuteness, which of these animals is totally overrated?
Dogs
Whales
Pandas
Parrots

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Have you ever stolen someone else's boyfriend or girlfriend?
People can't "steal" other people. We're all individuals with free will. Have couples broken up because of me? Well ... yes.
Haha, I am a huge boyfriend/girlfriend thief.
No. I may have tried it once, but I'm not really that kind of person.
I would never steal someone else's partner; that's evil!

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Would you rather be married to Prince Harry, Prince William, Princess Meghan or Princess Kate?
Princess Meghan. She seems intelligent and lighthearted.
Prince Harry! He seems like a good time.
Prince William. He's an absolute unit.
Princess Kate. She's so pretty and elegant.

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A very ugly cat starts coming by your house. You feed it because it's so skinny. Soon it wants to come inside. Do you adopt it?
I never let it inside, but I leave out food for the little guy.
No, but I do call the Humane Society.
Of course I adopt it; I love ugly cats!
I don't admit I'm adopting the cat, but I slowly start letting him come inside more often until he rules my life.

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You go on a date with someone you've liked for a long time. After lunch, while window shopping, your crush accidentally breaks something and then lies about it to the store owner, a cute old man. Do you still have a crush on your date?
Probably not. I don't like liars.
I hate to admit it, but if they were attractive enough, I'd still be into them.
My crush would be diminished. I might covertly slip the store owner some money to make up for the issue.
No! I could never love someone who hurt a nice old man.

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If your partner always wore a dorky hat that embarrassed you, what (if anything) would you do about it?
I'd tell them to get rid of it because I hate it.
I'd steal it from them as a "joke" and hide it very, very well.
If you love someone, you must accept them. So I'd put up with it.
I wouldn't say anything, but I'd feel deeply ashamed and anxious whenever we went out together.

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Are you more of a dumper or a dumpee?
Well ... I guess I'm a dumper.
I don't dump people, but I ghost them (a lot).
(Sigh) I've been dumped quite a few times.
I don't like to admit it, but I've been dumped twice and it really hurt me both times.

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You're at a party. Someone offers you a drink but doesn't tell you what it is. Do you try it?
Heck yes. Gotta keep life exciting.
Why not? It's just a drink.
No! That's not safe.
Absolutely not. I don't know what it is, plus what if there are germs?

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When you're dating someone, do you keep up with your usual friends, or do you go to "girlfriend/boyfriend island"?
I keep hanging out with my friends. I need my independence.
I would never isolate myself from my friends and family; that sounds boring.
I love my relationship island! Leave me alone!
I tend to have demanding partners who distract me from my other relationships, unfortunately. I wish it weren't that way.

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Your job offers to transfer you to their Indonesian branch. You'll be given a penthouse and a significant promotion if you agree. Do you say yes?
Why would I say no?
I say yes, please (as long as my promotion doesn't involve too much responsibility).
I turn them down; I can't leave my partner and family!
If I can get my partner to go along with me, I say yes. It's a good opportunity.

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Would you stay in a relationship with a person you considered sort of a fool if you had good physical chemistry with them?
Sure. Life's short, might as well enjoy yourself.
If I have good chemistry with someone, they're automatically not a fool.
Maybe. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
I could never do that. I need to respect my mate.

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How much of your body hair do you remove?
As little as I can get away with.
Everything below the eyebrows, babe.
Um ... none?
I'm meticulously groomed, if you know what I mean.

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Do you like yourself? Why?
I like being me because I like living in the world.
I like myself because I'm an exciting person.
I don't like myself much, but I'm not sure why.
I hate myself because I can never live up to my own standards.

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What if you were hosting a party but all your guests came an hour early, while your house was still a mess? Would you freak out?
No. If you judge me for being messy, I don't want to know you.
No. I'm messy and I don't care!
It would be embarrassing, for sure.
This is my worst nightmare.

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Would you rather date someone who's smart or someone who's good at volleyball?
Someone who's good at volleyball!
Someone who's smart!
I just want to date SOMEONE.
I want to date someone who's smart enough to fake being good at volleyball.

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Your sister asks you to help her move on Valentine's Day. You know your partner has made very special plans for that night. What do you tell your sister?
"I can help for an hour but then I have plans."
"I'll try to stop by." You don't stop by, though.
"Sorry, I can't!"
"Sure thing!" You then help for too long and are late to your Valentine's Day date, causing you to get in an unpleasant fight with your partner.

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If your boyfriend called your mother a nasty name, would you break up with him?
Yup!
Depends ... did I call my mom this name first?
Probably, unless he apologized
No. That's not nice, but it's not dump-worthy.

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On a scale of 1 to 10, how awkwardly do you flirt?
1. I'm not awkward; I'm cool.
3. I'm a little bit dorky but that just makes me more endearing.
9. Saying I'm bad at flirting is like saying Marie Kondo is popular.
5. I'm not good at flirting so I just smile, which seems to work.

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