Which Apex Predator Are You When You're Mad?

By: Zoe Samuel

Which Apex Predator Are You When You're Mad?
Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

Emotions are the nemesis of reason. Our highly evolved reasoning ability is what sets humans apart from all other life on Earth. Animals are ruled by instincts, base drives rooted in emotion, that guide their activities. Humans are at our best when we can have full access to our reasoning faculties, but animals are at their best when their highly developed instincts are put on full display.

When we become emotional, we become more like animals. Sometimes this makes us playful, like puppies or bear cubs, but other times it turns us into frenzied animals capable of clawing someone's face off, or at least yelling the truth of their humiliating off-key Cher singing habit within earshot of everyone at the office Christmas party.

Humans have compared ourselves to animals since we lived in caves. Shamanic traditions hold that humans can, psychologically if not physically transform into animal forms, temporarily. This is perhaps a useful metaphor for the affect of being truly pissed off. What is your behavior like when you are upset? Do you immediately to straight to the red mist or is it more complex? We offer you a quiz aimed and parsing out the components of your psyche so we can say definitively which apex predator you are when you are enraged. Take the quiz and find out!

How much do you like to drink when you go to parties?
I view it as a competition.
Not at all.
Not much, I'm a lightweight.
I'll nurse a beer all night.

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Do you get mad about politics?
Furious.
Not so much.
Only local politics.
Only politics I feel affects me.

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Do you get mad at the people close to you?
Frequently.
No, never.
Only if they provoke me.
Only if they get in my way.

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How much do you overshare with work colleagues?
Not at all.
I'm a bit careful about that.
Too much. They think they know me.
Quite a bit. I still have surprises though.

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Do you get mad about what happens in fictional movies or TV shows?
Constantly.
No.
Only my favorite reality show.
Any time I watch certain tear-jerkers, I get worked up.

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How much do you like to get into political discussions with family?
All the time.
Rarely.
If they bring it up, I will not back down.
If it involves me and mine, I'm in.

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How much do you like to get into political discussions with work colleagues?
Any time I can.
Never.
If they are in my cubicle.
If I run into them in the break room, and it comes up.

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Do you get mad about sports?
Hell yes!
No, not at all.
Only for one team.
Only for all my local teams.

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How much do you talk about religion in the workplace?
I try to recruit anyone and everyone, because if I don't, they are going to suffer forever!
No, not me. Leave that alone.
Only if I'm insulted about mine.
If it comes up, I won't shy away from it.

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What do you find becomes very easy when you get really angry?
Fighting.
Breaking things.
Seeing someone's emotional soft spot.
Doing something that leaves lasting damage.

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How often did you get into fights as a kid?
Every day.
Rarely.
I only got into one or two.
I was in one, and sent another kid to the hospital.

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What do you find becomes difficult when you get really angry?
Keeping my hands to myself.
Sitting still.
Resisting the urge to socially hurt someone.
Keeping my mouth shut.

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How often do you get into physical fights as an adult?
Every other weekend it seems.
Rarely.
Never.
Slap fights, maybe.

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How quickly does your rage boil up?
Constantly. Hulk smash!
Almost never.
Not often, but it comes quickly!
A few times a month, when I'm vulnerable.

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When someone angers you with words, how often do you lash out physically?
Frequently.
Only if those words make me feel physically under threat.
Never.
Only if lashing out prevents a future physical fight.

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How much time passes between when something gets you mad, and when you act on your rage?
A milisecond.
A few seconds.
A second.
Hours.

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When someone angers you with words, how often do you try to find the most personally hurtful thing to say, even if it offends everyone?
Talking is for dorks.
I would never stoop so low.
I will go there every time. Make it hurt!
I'll do it, but I'll bide my time and wait for the worst possible time to do it.

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When someone angers you with words, how often do you betray their trust to cause lasting harm to them?
If possible, every time.
Never. That's not honorable.
Every time. Trust is for suckers.
Occasionally, if that's the worst thing I can do to them, to hurt them.

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How often do you feel it is warranted to "go to the mattresses"?
Every time.
Only in extreme cases.
If I'm being messed with directly, then yes.
Sometimes a threat of doing that is enough.

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Do you hold a grudge?
Oh yeah.
No.
Not for long.
I will hold a grudge until I die.

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Do you have "enemies"?
Everyone is my enemy!
Very few.
There's a cabal of them.
There are a few, but they don't work together.

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When someone upsets you, who has your back?
No one. I have my own.
My family always has my back.
My friends have my back.
My friends and family have my back.

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Do people generally stay out of your way?
One look tells them to.
Usually, which is fine.
No, they often don't view me as a threat.
Sometimes, but we usually tangle when I'm just doing my thing and someone is surprised I have the temerity to do so.

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Are you often underestimated as a threat?
No, never.
Rarely.
All the time.
Not once we're face to face I'm not.

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How willing are you to hit below the belt?
That's no fun.
That's not on.
I will do it. Show me a belt, and I'll show you what's below it.
That's the only place to hit.

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How do you react to being upstaged?
Not worth going after.
I don't care.
I will ruin that person.
I will make that person pay dearly, when they least expect it.

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How do you react to being directly insulted?
I will go into full attack mode.
I will straighten up to my full height, warn the other person, and if they persist, I will tear them a new one.
I have a snappy, deeply hurtful comeback.
I don't, immediately. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

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How do you react to backhanded compliments?
I usually don't know how to, so I just make faces.
I don't care about them.
I retort, using something personal about the other party to do the same.
I add it to my list of things to take revenge for.

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How do you react to your friends being humiliated or insulted?
I either pile on, or attack the other guy. Either way, I go nuts.
I unleash the beast and lay into the person in a manner appropriate to what they did.
I pick the insult-er apart in front of their friends and if possible, family, tearing them down with every insecurity, shameful secret, and painful memory.
I plot a baroque revenge befitting the offense.

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Of the following people, who would you get most upset on behalf of?
Myself.
My children.
My spouse.
My parents.

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You Got:

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