Which Biblical King Are You?

Zoe Samuel

5 Min Quiz

Image: Shutterstock

About This Quiz

The Bible is full of good guys and bad guys, heroes and villains - and kings who fall into each of these categories. Which Biblical King are you most like? Take this quiz to find out!

What's your strength?

I'm smart.

I'm brave.
I'm powerful.

I'm always right.

What's your legacy?

I'm smart. Did I mention that?

I am the first of a great line.
I freed a people and founded an empire.

It's not great, to be honest.

What law would you pass?

Don't be stupid.

Oh, I didn't become king to do that sort of thing, I just like getting there.
You do you, boo.

Stay right where you are.

How would you become king?

Inheritance, probably.

Killing my rival.
Conquering.

Ousting my rival.

Do you believe in justice for all?

I try to.

Up to a point.
Sure, where possible.

That's silly.

Are you the conqueror type?

Not really.

Surprisingly, yes.
I sure am.

I'm whatever the opposite of that is.

Do you support religious tolerance?

Yes, I'm actively tolerant.

Mostly.
Yes, it's fine.

LOL no.

How about assimilation?

I love it!

I don't know about that.
No, our differences are beautiful.

Ew, gross.

Ever commit adultery?

No, I just marry everyone.

Define adultery.
Probably.

It's not adultery when I do it.

Are you a good mediator?

Excellent.

Not really.
I don't feel the need.

Definitely no.

Do you like to travel?

Occasionally.

Yes, but not far.
I love it.

No.

Do you like to beat the odds?

No, but I always know them.

Yes, please.
I like them skewed my way before I win.

I tend to have the odds in my favor and lose anyway.

Are you open-minded?

I can be, when it's convenient.

Reasonably.
Surprisingly so.

Nope!

Is God on your side?

Mostly.

Obviously.
Lots of gods are on lots of sides. I don't worry about it.

I am God.

What's your weapon of choice?

Smarts.

Strategy.
Overwhelming force.

Yelling a lot.

How do you feel about the Babylonians?

Hate them.

Who?
Beat them. Ha.

They are not around yet.

How big is your hat?

I have only a little circlet.

I do not wear a hat because it won't fit over my excellent head of curls.
I have a modest hat, considering my wealth.

I have an enormous hat!

Do you have a detachable beard?

Um, what?

No, I have a regular one.
I have a nice groomed one.

Yes, you have to take your beard off to eat.

Which God do you call on?

Yahweh, natch.

I usually forget to.
Whichever is handy.

Myself or my ancestors.

How do you feel about Joseph?

I think I'm smarter but he was luckier.

He was a great leader.
I don't know who that is.

I wish he'd never been born.

How do you feel about the Jews?

I love them!

I will do anything for them.
They're my buddies.

They're horrid, and I do not like them.

Are you seen as the underdog?

I don't think so.

Yes, I love it.
No, I am the winner.

I should be, but I'm not. It's not fair.

How clever are you?

Super clever.

Actually not that bright.
Fairly clever.

Surprisingly stupid.

How rich are you?

Really, really rich.

I get by.
Mega rich.

Not as rich as I was.

Do you like to loot places?

No thanks.

If they're handy.
Sounds fun!

I really should.

How merciful are you?

Very, in my clever way.

As much as is reasonable.
Fairly.

Not at all.

Did your kingdom outlive you?

Sort of.

Definitely.
Not for as long as I hoped.

In a way, it has lived forever.

How likely are you to appear in an animated movie?

Only in a very abstract way.

Very.
Not very.

Extremely.

Who would play you in that movie?

I hope it would be Jeremy Jordan.

Whoever played Simba.
Someone awesome, of Middle Eastern extraction.

Ralph Fiennes.

What shape did you give your name to?

Does a temple count?

Star.
Cylinder.

Pyramid.

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