Which Biblical Man Are You Most Like?

By: Zoe Samuel
Estimated Completion Time
4 min
How much hubris do you have?
A lot
Less than I could
All of it
None

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What attracts the ladies (or gents) to you?
Power
Money
Looks
Decency

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Would you ever marry someone from a really different background?
Sure, if they're breathing and age-appropriate, I'll marry 'em.
I did and it was great.
I did and it was a horrible idea.
I wouldn't have thought so but yes, now I think I would.

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Have you ever cheated? If not, would you?
So much - like, all the time.
Absolutely never
I have been cheated on, does that count?
Probably not

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Do you care about your legacy?
Very much
Not really (but FYI, it's awesome)
It's more important than anything.
Not as much as I could, considering.

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Would you die for something you believe in?
I used to be OK with that but now I have too much to lose.
Probably not
Sure
If I absolutely had to.

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Are you a strong military leader?
I was.
Nope
Yes
Never had to find out, thank goodness.

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How about your performance in straight up hand-to-hand?
I have a few tricks up my sleeve.
I would pay them to get out of fighting.
I am a badass.
I would lose.

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Are you a poet?
Indeed I am.
I have a few bon mots for dinner parties.
A what?
No, I suck with words.

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Do you give to charity?
Yes, a healthy amount
Yes, a great deal
Nope
When I can

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How rich are you?
Very
Fairly
Not at all
I was, but I lost it.

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Do you like your in-laws?
Goodness, no.
I love them like they were my own blood family.
They are terrible people and I hate them.
They're great, yes.

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Have you ever been the other guy (that is, the one a person in a committed relationship cheated with)?
So many times and I loved it.
Absolutely not
Probably, I never asked.
Not that I know of.

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How monogamous are you?
Not a bit
Totally
I wasn't, but now I am.
Mostly

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Who is your enemy?
Tall thuggy people
Cheap people, I can't bear them - and also Moabites.
Philistines
Slave-owners

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Who is your friend?
I don't have a lot of friends.
My boo
My comrades in arms
My family

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What's a good way to relax?
Gettin' down!
Dinner with the fam
A nice fistfight always releases my stress.
Smashing up idols with my bros

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Have you ever turned down a job offer?
Nope
Yes, I have my own business already.
Once or twice, if the pay was too low.
Yes, when I wasn't qualified.

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Do you suffer from a lot of self-doubt?
I did, but I got over it.
Not really, I grew up in a family where we learned we could do anything.
I never used to, but now I do.
So, so much

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Do you get on with your biological family?
Nope
Yes, all of them
Not really
Yes, especially my brother and sister

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Do you have a good relationship with God?
He loves me!
I try to.
We don't talk.
It's complicated.

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Are you good at giving speeches?
So good
I think so, but my wife is rolling her eyes right now.
No
I'm OK, but my brother is better.

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Do you believe in miracles?
I think so.
Probably not
I am one, so yeah.
Oh, yes

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How affluent did you grow up?
Not at all, I'm self-made.
Very
Not very
I was adopted into a rich family, so extremely.

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Did you ever refuse to accept something you wanted because you found out you hadn't really earned it?
No, I take whatever I can.
No, but I try to give back and do good with it.
That has never happened to me.
I have, yes.

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Do you make a lot of money in your line of work?
Technically, no, but yes
Yes
Not really
Actually, I lose money doing this.

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Are you a good boss?
I think so.
Totally
Not really
I try to be, but my advisers do a lot of the heavy lifting.

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Are you a good employee?
I used to be, I wouldn't be now though.
I have never been an employee.
As a soldier, yes
Not bad

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Do you like to travel?
Once in a while
Not really, I'm chained to my desk, so to speak.
Yes, please!
I actively hate and fear travel.

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Are you a good spouse?
No
Yes
Not really
Mostly, yes

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