Which Branch of the Military Should You Join Based on This Personality Assessment?

By: Zoe Samuel

Which Branch of the Military Should You Join Based on This Personality Assessment?
Image: bwilking/E+/gettyimages

About This Quiz

The United States military is not an organization that is joined lightly. Being a soldier, a sailor, an airman or a Marine is not like getting a part-time job flipping burgers. First, recruits are trained and tested to the breaking point. If you have a trick knee or a bad back, you'll find out just how bad or tricky when a drill sergeant has you jumping over barriers in an obstacle course. Do you take criticism badly? Too bad! In basic training, you will be yelled at until you cry, and you will do push-ups until your chest gives out.

Once you get through your training, there is a lot to consider. Being a sailor, for example, means traveling all over the world, but have you considered how you would travel? As a sailor, you could wind up on an aircraft carrier or a destroyer, but you could also become a submariner, going weeks without seeing the light of day. Claustrophobia much?

Or if you become an airman, you might be a pilot, but if you are too tall, too nearsighted or too colorblind, you could wind up working in intelligence, or in the office of STRATCOM, who controls the US nuclear arsenal.

If you join the Army or the Marines, you will see a bit of everything, but if deployed, life will consist of long stretches of boredom punctuated with brief sequences of terror. Sure, you get to name your rifle, but would you rather the Afghan desert to gazing out from the deck of a frigate on the Indian Ocean?

Time to find out what branch fits you! Take this quiz and enlist, puke!

What sort of sights would you like to see in your travels?
Remote islands, beaches, and the deep ocean
The edge of space
The burned-out palaces of fallen dictators
The capitals of nations we helped rebuild

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How much gear do you think you could carry?
80 lbs.
60 lbs.
As much as is needed.
150 lbs.

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If you aren't the best at something, what do you do?
Enlist the help of the person who is.
Find another way to attack the problem.
Word harder, slacker.
Find a better way to train.

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Would you like to be a reservist?
Probably. It sounds cool.
Not until I've put in my 20
No
Yes, absolutely.

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How proficient are you with technology?
I'm on the bleeding edge of the bleeding edge.
I'm very proficient.
I can operate a trigger and a radio. That's enough.
I'm good, but more importantly, I'm a quick learner.

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Are you a glory hound?
Maybe a little bit
Not at all
Are you kidding? Of course!
Under the right circumstances, sure

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Are you willing to get a tattoo?
Maybe! I'll consider it after a few rounds.
No thanks
Yes, absolutely!
If there's something worth commemorating in that way, I'm up for it.

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How's your emotional intelligence?
Not amazing
Very sharp
What nonsense are you talking about?
Very good

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What job would you want, on a team of special operators?
I'd want to drive an amphibious assault craft up a beach and jump out with a machine gun!
I'd want to coordinate the artillery and air support for the team.
I'd want to spot and snipe targets from far away.
I'd want to climb up the wall of a fortress and silently take out a room full of guards with a Ka-Bar knife, like a ninja.

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Are you OK with having a job adjacent to the men and women who get all the glory?
I've no problem with that.
I'd actually prefer that.
If I must. I'll sulk though.
If that's what Uncle Sam needs, I'm Johnny-on-the-spot.

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How much would you like to specialize?
That's the whole idea!
I'd like something that can be applied in a few jobs, so I don't spend too much time in grade.
Not at all
I don't mind it, but I'm happy to do whatever is needed.

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In what accent color do you look best?
White
Blue-gray
Red
Red, white, or blue. Any will do.

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How much time do you want to spend living overseas?
All of it
Not much, to be honest.
At least three quarters of it!
Initially? All of it. Then I want to be closer to home.

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How important is it that civilians know what you do?
I don't mind.
It's important to me that they do not.
I need them to have an idea. I need it!
I'm happy to explain if it comes to that.

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What sort of extreme outdoor sport sounds most appealing?
Para-sailing
Skydiving
BMX
Outward Bound

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Which of these ideas really terrifies you?
Dying in the desert
Drowning
Being called a coward
Leaving a loved one in danger, even if they are dead

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What physical strength do you consider your best?
I'm a powerful swimmer.
I've got really sharp eyes.
My strength
My stamina

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In which kind of fight would you do best?
A bar fight
While on a trapeze
A fight with clubs
A fight with knives

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What ancient military do you most admire?
The Athenians
The Mongols
The Romans
The Spartans

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How important to you is personal cleanliness?
It's the most important thing.
It's pretty important to me.
It's not that important.
Is a shave going to save America? I don't think so.

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Do you have much of an interest in tackling jobs that don't involve physically confronting the enemy?
Yes, of course. Not everyone who puts people on the moon are scientists or astronauts. Someone has to take out the trash, too.
Yes, we're a team after all.
I'll do it, but I want to be nose to nose with the enemy whenever possible.
The preparations made before the enemy is confronted pave the way to victory.

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After you retire from the military, what sort of job would you consider, working for the government?
I'd work for DHS.
I'd work for CIA.
I'd work for the ATF.
I'd work for the FBI.

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What sort of civilian industry do you find the most appealing alternative to a military career?
Logistics
Finance
Paramedic
Mountain search and rescue

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What sport do you like best?
Wrestling
Hockey
Baseball
Football

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What vacation activity sounds best?
Mingling with the locals
Drinking heavily
Spending time with my family
Going camping

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What inspires your esprit de corps?
A really big team
The pre-game prayer
Frequent group bonding activities
Thorough psychological indoctrination

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What is your worst physical shortcoming?
I can't walk for more than a couple miles at a time.
I'm short.
I've got a trick shoulder.
I'm a little nearsighted.

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How hard are you willing to work, academically, to be an officer?
I'd put in the time to really study up.
I'll slit throats to be an officer!
I'd be willing to go through nearly anything.
I'd endure any humiliations to do it.

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How close to the combat zone do you want to be?
I want to keep the fighting at arm's reach.
Far enough that they don't see me, but I see them.
I want to be in the thick of it.
I want to be close enough to be able to take aim on a fat target.

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What specialty sounds the most interesting to you?
Programmer
Courier
Sniper
Trauma surgeon

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You Got:

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