Which Card Against Humanity Are You?

By: Artimis Charvet

Which Card Against Humanity Are You?
Image: Francesco Carta fotografo / Moment / GettyImages

About This Quiz

As they like to say "Cards against Humanity is a game for horrible people." But we all know that all this game is, is horribly hilarious! Take our quiz and find out which card best describes you!
Why can't I sleep at night?
Being on fire
Oompa loompas invading
Survivors guilt
Guess

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How do you tackle difficult tasks?
Buying a Costco membership to eat free samples.
Shutting up about everything, forever.
By playing Cards Against Humanity!
By successfully using the pickup line, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears!"

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How do you want to die?
With a bang
Bees?
Famine
Old age

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What's the most jolly?
Flying snakes
Santa Claus
Jelly beans
The Care Bear Stare

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What's the worst thing about TSA?
Silence
The lines
Belts
Making a pouty face

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What can you not have just one of?
Grandma's ashes
$7 foot-longs
Raptor attacks
Reese's Cups

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What's the smell?
Fan girls freaking out
Jumping into a giant ball pit
A sweater knit out of human hair
My love life

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What will always get you beat up?
My pets
Insults
My girlfriend's boyfriend
Vigorous Jazz Hands

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What gives you the goosebumps?
Morgan Freeman's voice
Falling in love
Winking at old people
Rats eating my sandwich

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You have 99 problems, but one of them is not what?
You
Authentic Mexican cuisine
The northwest
Maroon 5

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What's your secret power?
50 shades of hungry
To not to sit like a lady
A sassy lumberjack
Tacos

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What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming?
The Geico gecko
A tiny donkey asking for milk
Darth Vader and Hitler preforming a jig
Donald Trump

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What gets better with time?
Love
Robots with human faces
Women
Me

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What are you giving up for lent?
You
Dark chocolate
Jobs
Nothing, I am not religious

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What do you do when you walk into a party?
The Macarena
Build a Death Star and making Alderaan pay for it
Print 10 million "Save the Trees" flyers
YOU MUST CONSTRUCT ADDITIONAL PYLONS.

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What's the next Happy Meal toy?
Homeless people
Batman.
Daddy's credit card
My soul

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How do you get your curves into shape?
Serfdom
Relay for life
Emotions
Skipping

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How do you like your makeup?
Painted on like a china doll
Liberal
Like I am dancing alone on my birthday
Nonexistent

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Which of the seven dwarfs do you most relate to?
Doc
Happy
Grumpy
Other

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What ended your last relationship?
A sassy attitude
Alien abduction
Me
Aaron Burr

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Who shall inherit the earth?
Morgan Freeman
The meek
Muskrats
A level 19 Magikarp

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What / Who do you believe in?
God
The Amish
The first monkey to orbit the earth
CNN

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What is your ideal afternoon?
Stepping on a lego
Fried chicken and waffles
A Super Soaker full of jello
A Bop It

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How do you prepare for battle?
By readying the mind
Singing and prancing
The Make-A-Wish Foundation
Laying down in protest

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What is Batman's guilty pleasure?
Parents
Buying Congress's browser history
My personal failings in life
Laying an egg

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Who/What do you turn to when you have a problem?
Anna and Elsa
Comfort food
Getting free kittens from Craigslist
This hat

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What is the first thing you do when you wake up?
Hot pockets
The five hour drive to Vegas
I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!
Open my eyes

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What are your thoughts on therapy?
Bees?
Some peace and quiet
Just as good as singing alone.
Just another person to tell me I am fabulous!

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What's for dinner?
The Devil himself
Joseph Stalin
Horse meat marinated in fancy feast
GoGurt

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What does the world end with?
Grave robbing
Emotions
Lobsters
The American Dream

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You Got:

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