Which Classic American Beer Are You?

By: Mark Lichtenstein

Which Classic American Beer Are You?
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About This Quiz

You are what you eat, and what you drink. Beers aren't just marketed to specific groups of people, they are made to appeal to unique qualities. We all identify with one brand or another. Which classic American beer are you?
What trousers do you wear?
Distressed jeans
Khakis
Bluejeans
Shorts

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What shoes do you wear?
Vintage sneakers
Work boots
Shoes I can stand in all day.
Crocs

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What shirt do you wear?
An unjustifiably expensive plain white T-shirt
A sports jersey
A buttoned work shirt
I don't wear a shirt!

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What is on your belt buckle?
An old school NES controller
A silver eagle
The image of a colt peacemaker
A star

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What jacket do you wear?
Faux leather
A peacoat
A leather jacket
A windbreaker

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What hat do you wear?
An ironic baseball cap
A watch cap
A fedora
A visor

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What do you drive?
An Uber
A sport sedan
An SUV
A jet ski

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What kind of movie theater do you go to?
Little, retro ones with character
The multiplex
I don't go to movies.
IMAX theaters

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What sport do you like best?
Cubing
Baseball
Football
MMA

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What do you eat at the stadium?
Artisanal hot dogs
Burger and fries
Cheese fries
Bacon wrapped hot dog

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What kind of live theater do you like best?
Improv comedy
Music concerts
Plays
Wet T-shirt contests

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Where do you go for vacation?
Europe, where everything is perfect, in my mind
Sporting events in other states
The mountains
The beach

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How much money do you make?
Not much, and what I make, I spend.
I make a good living.
I'm middle class.
I'm working class.

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Where do you go to drink after a long day at work?
Someplace underground and exclusive
The local bar
My back porch
The beach

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Do you drink alone or with friends?
With friends
With strangers
Alone
I drink everywhere!

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How important to you is "heritage"?
I don't care at all.
It's of some importance.
It is of the utmost importance.
I don't even know what that word means.

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How important is price for you?
Very
I don't mind.
It's a factor.
Price is no object.

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What do you think of Schlitz?
It's great if you can find it.
It's basically water.
It has history, and little else.
What is it?

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What do you think of craft beers?
Awesome
Meh.
They can be good, but they can also be awful.
I don't bother with them.

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Do you now or have you ever owned a growler?
I have three.
No
I have one.
What is that? Like, a dog?

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Have you ever made a handbrake turn?
A what?
I tried once.
I've done it.
What's a hand brake?

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How do you feel about political protests?
They are best done during Presidential elections.
They have their place.
They should be separated from the rest of all life.
They should be done during The National Anthem, at sporting events.

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Do you live in the cool part of town?
You bet I do.
No
I don't live in town.
I live in the affordable part of town.

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What is your favorite genre of music?
Dubstep
Rock
Country
Latin pop

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Do you live on the mainland US?
Does Brooklyn count?
You bet, brah!
I live in an iconic American landscape.
No

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Do you like even cheap beer to appear a little fancy?
No
Yeah, I like the sound of that.
I think cheap beer should at least have some heritage.
I think cheap beer should have a cool label.

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Did you do it before it was cool?
Oh yeah.
I don't care about cool.
No, I waited until it wasn't cool anymore.
I did it while it was cool.

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Do you know the second verse to The Star Spangled Banner?
There's a second verse?!
No
No, but I do know that it was a test we used to pick out the German spies during the Battle of The Bulge. They knew it.
Yes

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Do you know the third verse to The Star Spangled Banner?
There's a third verse?
No
Yes, and it isn't very moral. It taunts slaves. Ugh.
I think I know part of it.

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Motorcycle or pickup truck?
Scooter
Pickup
Chopper
Chevy with an Indian in the bed

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You Got:

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