Which Classic American Beer Are You?
By: Mark Lichtenstein
About This Quiz
You are what you eat, and what you drink. Beers aren't just marketed to specific groups of people, they are made to appeal to unique qualities. We all identify with one brand or another. Which classic American beer are you?
What trousers do you wear?
What shoes do you wear?
Shoes I can stand in all day.
What shirt do you wear?
An unjustifiably expensive plain white T-shirt
What is on your belt buckle?
An old school NES controller
The image of a colt peacemaker
What kind of movie theater do you go to?
Little, retro ones with character
What sport do you like best?
What do you eat at the stadium?
What kind of live theater do you like best?
Where do you go for vacation?
Europe, where everything is perfect, in my mind
Sporting events in other states
How much money do you make?
Not much, and what I make, I spend.
Where do you go to drink after a long day at work?
Someplace underground and exclusive
Do you drink alone or with friends?
How important to you is "heritage"?
It is of the utmost importance.
I don't even know what that word means.
How important is price for you?
What do you think of Schlitz?
It's great if you can find it.
It has history, and little else.
What do you think of craft beers?
They can be good, but they can also be awful.
I don't bother with them.
Do you now or have you ever owned a growler?
What is that? Like, a dog?
Have you ever made a handbrake turn?
How do you feel about political protests?
They are best done during Presidential elections.
They should be separated from the rest of all life.
They should be done during The National Anthem, at sporting events.
Do you live in the cool part of town?
I live in the affordable part of town.
What is your favorite genre of music?
Do you live on the mainland US?
I live in an iconic American landscape.
Do you like even cheap beer to appear a little fancy?
Yeah, I like the sound of that.
I think cheap beer should at least have some heritage.
I think cheap beer should have a cool label.
Did you do it before it was cool?
No, I waited until it wasn't cool anymore.
I did it while it was cool.
Do you know the second verse to The Star Spangled Banner?
No, but I do know that it was a test we used to pick out the German spies during the Battle of The Bulge. They knew it.
Do you know the third verse to The Star Spangled Banner?
Yes, and it isn't very moral. It taunts slaves. Ugh.
I think I know part of it.
Motorcycle or pickup truck?
Chevy with an Indian in the bed
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