Which classic wrestler are you?

By: Mark Lichtenstein
Estimated Completion Time
4 min
What's your signature wrestling move?
Leg Drop.
The Scorpion Deathlock
Figure Four Leg Lock
The Diamond Cutter.

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Are you still famous?
Infamous is more like it.
I'm in the hall of fame.
I'm well remembered.
Yes, but only in a niche.

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Would you admit that wrestling is totally fake?
No way! It's real, brother!
When I get hurt, it's real.
Of course it's fake. Look at how old I am!
I broke my back, man. It's real.

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Do you do monogamy?
I marry, but I cheat.
I'm monogamous but twice married.
I played the field at one time, but now I have one partner and a lot of regrets.
I'm a one-woman man.

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Are you famous for anything besides wrestling?
I've done a tour in reality TV.
I'm an author.
Just my personality.
I'm a yogi.

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Do you believe in freedom of the press?
No, journalists should all be in jail.
Yes.
Nothing bad has been printed about me, so sure!
I'm for the free press because I'm an American.

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Who are your fans?
Cool people.
Teenagers.
White people.
Everyone.

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Who is your enemy?
Everyone, brother!
The organized cliques.
The world.
I have no enemies.

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Who is your friend?
Other heavy hitters.
I have none.
My fellow trailer park boys.
The fans.

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Exactly how overpaid are you?
I'm paid about right.
I'm underpaid.
I'm so overpaid, but don't tell anyone.
I work for what I'm paid.

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Would you ever cheat?
Cheating is a strong word.
No.
Yes.
Cheating is just wrong.

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Do you keep your commitments?
I do.
Yes.
Is that an insult?
When I promise to do something, I do it

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How bombastic are you?
Very.
Not at all.
I'm the most bombastic.
I'm not particularly bombastic.

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How goth are you?
I'm a bit goth.
I'm very goth.
I'm not even a little goth.
I get more goth as time passes.

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Are you funny?
I'm known to crack a joke or two.
No.
Everyone says I am.
I am!

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How loyal are you to your friends?
Totally.
I have no friends.
My friends are loyal to me, so I try to be loyal to them.
Of course

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How sweaty are you?
I get very sweaty.
I can't sweat too much, it'll mess up my makeup.
I don't sweat, I glow.
I sweat as much as the next man.

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Do you love a scheme?
I'm all about scheming, brother.
No.
My schemes have schemes, that's how much I love schemes.
I don't scheme, I just go out there and do my thing

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Could you be described as enigmatic?
No enigmas here, brother.
Yes.
Only my plans are enigmatic.
I'm an open book.

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Are you the leader of the pack?
You bet, brother!
No, I am a loner.
Always.
No, I don't need any help.

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Are you likable?
Only by my brothers.
I don't know.
To be honest, no.
Yes I am!

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Do you thrive on the love of the crowd?
I thrive on their hate, brother.
No.
They adore me, and I love it.
Yes I do! Woo-hoo!

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Do you play to win?
I always play to win, brother.
It's the only reason to play.
I play the long game.
When I go out there, I've always got victory on my mind.

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Be honest: are you smart?
I'm a tactical genius.
I'm smart enough.
Not really.
I'm not just a pretty face.

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What's your greatest fear?
Being forgotten.
I have no fear.
Being humiliated.
Getting permanently hurt.

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Do you go by an acronym?
Hell no! I want my name to be as long as possible.
No.
No need.
You bet!

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What colors look best on you?
Black and white.
Black, white, and red.
Blue and white.
Black, blue, and white.

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Do people love to hate you?
Oh yeah!
No.
Some do, but they don't bother me.
No, I'm well loved.

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What's your class background?
I'm a working-class Californian.
I'm from middle-class suburbia.
I'm from a trailer park, but I'm rich!
I'm from the working-class south.

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Do you use tactics to compensate for lack of force?
You've got to get a little help from your friends.
Yes.
People just can't take their eyes off of me, which is my best tactic.
My technique is good enough as is.

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