Which English Speaking Country Should You Live In?

By: Mark Lichtenstein
Estimated Completion Time
4 min
How do you like your chocolate?
Sweet and cheap.
In lots of little wrappers.
70% dark.
In a gold wrapper.

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How do you feel about Queen Elizabeth II?
Is she still alive?
She is wonderful!
She's fine, but just a figurehead.
She's a far-off idea.

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What size is a normal car?
Huge.
Tiny.
Big, with a bed in the back.
Narrow.

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What is a good people to sheep ratio?
46 to 1.
1 to 3.
3 to 1.
6 to 1.

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How much empty space do you like?
Miles.
Acres.
Huge expanses.
Long tracts.

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How unpopular do you mind being on an international level?
I don't care.
I'd like to be liked.
I don't mind, so long as I'm well behaved.
I want people to like us!

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Do you get along with your neighbors?
We have our squabbles.
We're enduring a messy separation.
We have few problems. Good oceans make good neighbors.
Mostly.

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Would you be sad if you couldn't import non-indigenous flora and fauna willy-nilly?
Yeah.
No.
That depends. Would it die anyway?
I don't mind much.

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What food couldn't you live without?
Cheeseburgers.
Fish.
Kangaroo steak.
Lamb.

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What bird do you like?
Bald eagles.
Magpies.
Emus.
Penguins.

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What's the best weather?
Clear blue skies.
Overcast skies with light rain.
Beach weather.
Stormy skies.

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How high do you like your mountains?
Big, and part of massive ranges.
Small, and cut off on top.
Sparse and dramatic.
Like something out of a fairy tale.

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What is the most fun thing to complain about?
Foreigners.
People who are either younger or older than me.
The weather.
Earthquakes.

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Does your country need a very strong military?
Yes! The stronger the better.
A good navy will do.
Small, but good.
No.

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What industry needs to be present in your country?
Every industry needs to be present.
Finance.
Ranching.
Farming.

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How do you feel about the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy?
They were fun films.
It was a great series of books.
It was a good laugh.
The movies were the greatest of all time!

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What's your position on an aristocracy?
Down with it!
It's a better system than what they have in America!
I'm alright with a Queen, but that's all.
I have no use for it.

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Which history do you like best for the white people in your country?
They showed up voluntarily and killed everyone.
They showed up a very long time ago and were first on the land.
They showed up involuntarily and everyone was already being killed.
They showed up mostly voluntarily and didn't realize a lot of people were being killed.

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Do you speak any other languages?
I speak some Spanish.
I speak some French.
I speak a little Chinese.
No.

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How diverse do you like your country to be?
Very.
Only a little diverse in the bigger cities.
Not very diverse at all.
Barely diverse.

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How many countrymen is the ideal number?
323.1 million.
65.64 million.
24.13 million.
4.693 million.

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Which country has your country been to war with?
Russia.
France.
New Zealand.
Australia.

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Who is a trusty ally?
Great Britain.
Canada.
America.
Australia.

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How do you feel about the ocean?
I like them in pairs.
I like to have one on one side.
I like to be surrounded by one, but with lots of nearby islands.
I like to be isolated in the ocean.

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How wealthy do you like your country?
It needs to be the richest in the world.
Wealthy, but with most of the money concentrated at the top.
Fairly egalitarian and wealthy enough.
Not very rich but with good industry.

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Are you willing to spend a long time on a plane to get anywhere else?
No thank you.
Absolutely not.
It's a bit of a pain, but that's okay.
I don't mind at all.

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Do you need to live in a nuclear power just to feel safe?
You bet I do!
It would be nice.
It's not that important.
It's not important at all.

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When do you prefer your summer to be?
July and August.
Mostly never.
December.
Sort of January but not much of one.

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What form of architecture can't you get enough of?
Federalist.
Victorian.
Desert.
Modern.

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How functional do you like your healthcare system?
It's still in its infancy.
It's mostly functional.
It's totally functional.
It's well run and organized.

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